Timeless
by special2401
Summary: Six months after Prom and Meredith is in New York City. What happened over those six months and what's going to happen now?
1. Chapter 1

**So here goes another story. Only, it's not new.  
I actually began writing it in July and finished it some time after that.  
Originally the name of this story was A New Life, but halfway through the story takes a turn that I had not orginally planned on it taking. The title kind of still fit, but not as well, so I recruited the wonderful Rachel to rename the story. It is now called Timeless after Kate Havnevik's song and I plan on incorporating the lyrics somehow, but that might not happen.**

**Anyways, the story is pretty long, but not as long as You Can't Run. Lots of people remember this story and I kind of earned a reputation from the ending. I hope you like it. It wasn't originally written in Chapter form, so the beginning is just kind of a day per chapter and it evolves from there.**

**Anways, this takes place 6 months after prom. You'll just have to wait to see what happened in those six months before the story started!**

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**Chapter 1:**

**January 9, 2007- New York City, New York, Meredith's Apartment**

"Meredith? Meredith, baby it's time to wake up," a man whispered into the ear of a sleeping woman. She groaned slightly and rolled away from the man, almost falling off the bed. The man smiled and got up, "Come on Meredith, you need some coffee and then we both need to go to work."

The man left Meredith and headed down the hall towards a kitchen. It was small, but had a big window, overlooking the beautiful city. The man completed his morning routine easily, fixing coffee and eggs and bacon for two. He placed two plates at the small wooden table and waited for Meredith.

She hurried into the kitchen, looking frantic. She pulled her hair back and grabbed a cup of coffee as the man read the newspaper. "Did you check the messages?" she asked.

"No," he said putting the paper down, ready to enjoy breakfast with her.

Meredith went over to the phone hanging by their refrigerator and pressed a large black button before sitting down at the table. She looked at her food and then at the man in front of her before smiling and letting a relaxed look take over her body. She looked into the man's beautiful green eyes before their answering machine began talking to them.

First their own message played in Meredith's voice, "You have reached Meredith and Jacob's. We're not home right now, but leave a message and we'll call you back whenever we can." Then the answering machine beeped before talking, "You have two new messages." The first message played in a women's voice sounding sweet, "Meredith, we have got to get together. Nathan is driving me crazy. Women's night out, anyone? Call me back, when you and Jacob decide to keep your hands off of each other, okay?" The answering machine beeped again and then a man's voice sounding much more stern came on, "Hello, this is Richard Webber. Meredith, we need to speak for more than one reason. I was planning to talk to you about a job offer, but now I am unfortunately delivering more unpleasant news about another surgeon here at Seattle Grace. Please give me a call back."

"Who is Richard Webber?" Jacob asked as Meredith ate her food as fast as she possibly could.

"My old boss back in Seattle. It's probably nothing, just something about one of my old friends," Meredith said pretending as if she didn't care. She ate one more bite and then jumped up, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to be late." She kissed Jacob hard, almost reluctant to let go, but forced herself to so that she could leave for work.

* * *

Meredith walked past a busy nurse's station, but stopped when she heard her name, "Dr. Grey? The Chief would like a word." Meredith smiled and nodded before heading towards the large office nearby. Meredith knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

"Come in," a male voice said. Meredith obliged and opened the door. She saw her Chief, but was surprised by the second person. She tried to hide her bewilderment and walked into the office to take a seat.

"Dr. Grey, I'm sure you remember Dr. Webber," Meredith's Chief Dr. Henderson said.

"Yes, of course," Meredith said trying to smile.

"Dr. Webber has many things to tell you, so I'm going to leave you two alone," Dr. Henderson said getting up. Before leaving he looked at Meredith seriously, "You can have the rest of the day off, if you need it."

Meredith once again became completely confused and turned her head back to Richard as the door closed behind Dr. Henderson.

* * *

Meredith walked into her apartment with a melancholy look upon her face. She turned on the light in the small hallway and placed everything she was holding on the small table against the wall. She walked into her bedroom and got changed into some more comfortable clothes before walking back to the table.

Meredith looked through the mail that she had gotten earlier that day and found a simple white envelope. She looked at the mailing address and opened a small drawer that she kept locked. She unlocked it and threw the letter inside. She looked at the full drawer for a long moment before closing it. She sighed at all of the letters and then closed and locked the drawer, leaving them all unopened.

She walked into the kitchen and looked at the time. It was 5 o'clock, time for dinner. She thought about actually making dinner instead of Jacob doing it, but then turned to her freezer. She opened it and found coffee ice cream. She found that slightly ironic, but knowing that she had nothing else, she took out the ice cream and got a spoon.

She walked back into her small bedroom and fell on the bed. She turned on the television to the sappiest love movie she could find and began to eat away at her ice cream.

* * *

Jacob walked into his apartment and noticed that all the lights were on. He knew what this meant. He heard the television from his bedroom and followed its noise to a sleeping Meredith. He picked up the empty ice cream container and threw it away before getting a blanket to put on top of Meredith. He turned off the television and then the light before closing the bedroom door behind him.

He walked back into the main hallway and towards the mail. He picked up the cable bill and saw a key beside it. He knew what it was for, but was surprised that she had left it out. He thought for a moment about opening that drawer just to see for a moment what was in side, what she had kept hidden for so long, but knew that she would never forgive him for it. He picked up the key and walked into the living room and over to Meredith's desk. He put the key in a small box next to her computer, the same place that he always put it when she was too upset to remember to hide it again.

He made himself a late dinner and ate it alone. On his way to their bedroom he looked at the pictures on the walls. Every single one had them in it, happy and together. He loved those pictures and he loved the Meredith that was in them. As he walked into the bedroom he came face to face with the other Meredith again. He loved this one too, but he couldn't figure out what made her this way.

He crawled in bed with her and wrapped his arms around her. She stirred a little and then buried her head in his chest. Jacob felt the cold tear roll down her cheek and on to his chest, but he ignored it and just held her tightly through the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**This story has been published on I think two other boards and this isn't going to be any different than the original. I just decided to put it on here for the people that only use this site. The original title was 'A New Life' if you've read it, please keep the ending to yourself. I don't want the story to be ruined for everyone else!  
**

**I hope you like it and continue to read it!  
Please review!**

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Chapter 2: **

** January 10, 2007- New York City, New York, Meredith's Apartment**

Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she rolled her in the empty bed. The sunlight was coming in from the window behind her bed and it was blinding her eyes. She wiped them, as to wipe away the sunlight, but knowing it wouldn't work, she got up and headed towards the bathroom. She turned on the shower and let the hot water roll down upon her. Her muscles relaxed and she couldn't remember the last time she had actually been this relaxed. Once she got out of the shower she headed towards the kitchen and saw Jacob waiting for her with breakfast.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked as he stood up to walk towards her. He wrapped his arms around her and she fell for his kiss. Meredith hadn't noticed the radio playing in the background until a song began to play that Meredith could easily recognize. Jacob held Meredith close to his body as they began to dance in their own world, in their kitchen.

**When you love someone you'll do anything  
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain  
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun  
When you love someone **

Meredith could hear Jacob quietly sing the lyrics into her ear as he held her hand and her body tightly. She could feel his hot breath on her body and she began to remember why she stayed here and never went back to Seattle. She began to remember why she never opened any of those letters and why she had really began to feel happy.

**You'll deny the truth - believe a lie  
There'll be times that you'll believe  
You can really fly  
But your lonely nights have just begun  
When you love someone **

Jacob held Meredith tightly, knowing that her mind was drifting elsewhere. He knew that her mind was going to float towards him, whoever him was. Jacob never actually figured it all out, but he knew enough to know that she had been hurt bad and was still trying to recover from that. He also knew from experience that he had to give her the time and not press her for answers.

**When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside  
And nothin' else can ever change your mind   
When you want someone - when you need someone  
When you love someone **

Meredith placed her head on his chest and could hear his heart beat. Right in that moment, she could feel Jacob's feelings for her and she began to lose the ability to deny hers for him. She never was completely sure why she had tried to deny them in the first place, but now she knew that she couldn't. She knew she needed him, especially right now.

**When you love someone - you'll sacrifice  
You'd give it everything you got and  
you won't think twice  
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come  
When you love someone   
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun  
When you love someone**

As the song ended they knew that they needed to let go of each other and get on with their day, but they didn't want to. Meredith pulled her head a way from Jacob's chest and he looked down into her eyes. She smiled and he leaned down a little to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him harder as he lifted her up and walked back to their bedroom.

He laid her down, but then she stopped him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she responded receiving a funny look from Jacob, "I just want to tell you something."

"What?"

"I love you, Jacob."

He got rid of his funny look and smiled at her. "I love you too, Meredith Grey," and then kissed her again. He slowly took off her shirt and showed her that he loved her.

* * *

"Meredith? Why are you so late?" a women asked as Meredith rushed into the locker room and got into her scrubs. "Meredith?" the woman asked again. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

The woman laughed a little, "You and Jacob seriously need to learn some self-control."

"We have self-control, thank you very much, Meg," Meredith said to her friend as they walked out of the locker room.

"What happened to you yesterday? You were supposed to be scrubbing in on that transplant and then I was told to scrub in. Not that I minded, but where were you?" Meg asked as they walked into an elevator.

"I was in a meeting," Meredith said sounding a little distracted.

"With who?"

"Dr. Webber."

"Who?"

"He's the Chief at Seattle Grace, the hospital I used to work at," Meredith said. A nurse behind them in the elevator was listening and soaking up every word, so Meredith was praying that Meg would shut up so she wouldn't have to say anything else. She had gone through being the most talked about person in the hospital before and she didn't want to go through that again.

"Why was he here?"

"Just a job offer."

"Don't they usually just call about things like that?" Meg asked.

"He did call, I guess I just didn't respond fast enough," Meredith said as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. She hurried down the hall towards her resident with Meg following her.

"Hello Dr. Grey, Dr. Lord. You two are late."

"Sorry, Dr. Jackson," Meredith said to her resident.

"The other interns who showed up on time have already been assigned. Lord you are with Dr. Henry. Grey you are with the new resident. I believe you've already been spoken to about that," he said as an unpleasantly familiar face turned the corner.

Meredith looked at the face for a moment, but then turned around and hurried down the hall. Meg looked between the two people and got a very confused look upon her face. Knowing that there was a good story here, she hurried after Meredith who stopped once she had turned the corner.

"Who was he?" Meg whispered, scaring Meredith.

"What?" Meredith asked pretending to have no idea what she was talking about.

"That guy? You know, tall, dark, and handsome? The guy who gave you a very odd look that made you run away?" Meg said.

"I didn't run away."

"Yeah, okay," Meg said not believing Meredith, "But who is he? And how do you know him?"

"He's Dr. Shepherd. I used to work with him. That's it," Meredith said as she began to walk down the hall again.

"Oh come on. I can smell a good story. Romance?" Meg asked pretending to sniff the air, "Yup, romance, definitely. So how did you two meet? Was it at work? Or off duty? And what made you two break up?"

"Meg, enough with the reporter act. Stop acting crazy and act like the normal Meg. The Meg I can be around for more than five minutes before wanting to hit her," Meredith said.

"Okay," Meg said sighing, "But one more question: Don't you have to work with him today?"

"Don't remind me."

* * *

Meredith walked into a patient's room and picked up the patient's chart. It said that patient's name was Kelly Burton. She had a brain tumor in her parental lobe and was scheduled for surgery that afternoon. Meredith walked over to all of the machines that Kelly was hooked up to and examined them, not noticing that Kelly was awake. 

"Are you my doctor?" the tan skinned woman asked.

"Yes, one of them anyways. I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith said smiling, "But you can call me Meredith."

"I'm Kelly," she said with a smile. Meredith could tell that Kelly was very young. Maybe not even twenty years old and that made Meredith upset knowing everything she was going through at such a young age.

"Hello, Ms. Burton," a male voice said making Meredith and Kelly both look towards the door. Derek and Meredith locked eyes and Derek looked dumbstruck. Kelly looked between them, sensing the obvious tension.

"Meredith," Derek mumbled under his breath in disbelief. He had thought he'd seen her a few minutes before, but he figured it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He'd seen her everywhere he'd been in the last six months, just picture her in his mind, but now she was there, really there, and it didn't seem like she would be going anywhere anytime soon. He blinked a few times to reassure himself, gaining a confused look from his patient. His patient became the only thing stopping him from going over to Meredith right now and wrapping his arms around her despite all of the things said and all of the time that had gone by.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith said pretending as if she had no idea why the awkward silence had started.

"Uh? Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"This is Kelly Burton. She has a brain tumor in her parental lobe and the surgery has been scheduled for later today. All of her labs have turned out as suspected and there doesn't seem to be anything further wrong with her," Meredith said looking at Kelly the entire time, instead of looking at Derek.

"Dr. Grey? Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Actually, no. I have some things I need to do," Meredith said walking out of the room.

"Dr. Grey?" he called after her.

"You aren't my boss here, Derek," she said without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**January 10, 2007- New York City, New York, New York General**

"Meredith?" Meg said quietly as she walked into the dimly lit locker room. She heard a sniffle and walked deeper into the locker room to where her and Meredith's lockers were. She found Meredith sitting there trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. Meg sat down next to Meredith and stared at the same spot on the wall that Meredith seemed fixated on. Meg didn't find it very interesting, so she decided to get Meredith to talk. "Tell me what happened."

Meredith took a deep breath and knew that Meg at least deserved to know. "I met him at a bar before I began my internship. We had a one night stand and then he turned out to be the neuro attending. I wanted nothing to do with him and to just be professional, but he finally got me to give in. Then I don't know what happened. I never cared about someone so much and it all happened so fast. Then his wife turned up," Meredith said as she began to cry again.

"Wife?" Meg asked concerned.

Meredith calmed herself down again before speaking, "Yeah. He was married, well separated, but she wanted him back. I never knew about it, but once again he got me to give in. He told me that they were going to get divorced and that everything would be okay, but then they stayed together. I just fell apart. Then I met this other guy who I thought I cared about, but then Derek and I had sex at the prom when my boyfriend and his wife were just down the hall. Then we got into this huge fight and I left."

"Prom?" Meg asked confused.

"Don't ask," Meredith said before crying again.

Meg looked at Meredith and then pulled her into a hug. Meg held Meredith for a moment trying to calm her down before saying anything. "Does Jacob know about any of this?"

"No. Derek kept trying to get in contact with me, but I just avoided him. I have a drawer filled with letters I get from him at least once a week, if not more often. I haven't opened any of them, but I know Jacob knows that they're there," Meredith said.

Meg sighed, "Meredith, I've known Jacob basically my entire life and I love him like my brother, but usually when two lovers keep coming back to each other, it means that it's meant to be."

Meredith pulled herself from Meg's grasp and stood up, "But in this case, it's not." Then she walked out of the locker room leaving Meg behind.

* * *

"Dr. Grey?" Meredith heard from behind her after she left the locker room. She decided almost immediately to ignore it and keep walking. "Meredith, I know you can hear me."

Meredith kept going and walked into Kelly's room. She put on a smile and looked at her chart again.

"I don't think anything changed since the last time you looked at it," Kelly said.

"I know," Meredith said sounding a little uneasy.

"Dr. Grey?" Derek said as he walked into the room.

"What?" Meredith snapped back forgetting that she was in front a patient.

"Can I please speak to you?"

"Fine," Meredith said as she placed the chart back down and walked out of the room leaving a very curious patient behind. Derek caught up with her and pulled her into the stairwell.

"What do you want?" she asked. 

"Meredith we should talk."

"No we shouldn't. And you shouldn't have come here."

Derek sighed, "Meredith, I had no idea you would be here. Do you have any idea how many hospital you could work at that are near your apartment?" Meredith rolled her eyes and turned to leave, "Meredith, give me a chance to at least talk."

"Derek, I've given you more chances than a saint deserves. I'm done. I've been done for six months and I've moved on. Go back home to your wife, Derek," Meredith said before she walked out of the stairwell.

* * *

Meg looked down and saw a man who was supporting himself against the wall, trying not to cry. The image was almost painful to look at, as if she could feel all of his pain. She heard the door near him close and she knew that Meredith had left. She knew that no matter what she said to Meredith, Meredith would push her away even if she needed her. Meg decided that having Meredith like her right now was not what was important as she turned around and left the stairwell to catch up with Meredith.

* * *

Meredith tried to walk calmly and breathe normally, but she knew that every time she looked at him, he took her breath away. She walked back into Kelly's room, knowing that no one would make her leave and shut the door.

"Are you alright?" Kelly asked.

"I'm supposed to be asking you that," Meredith said.

"Well I'm fine so let's focus on you. Do you and my other Doctor have some type of past or something because I can feel this really awkward tension between you two," Kelly said.

"Can we not talk about me?" Meredith asked.

"Okay fine. I'll tell you about me then," Kelly said sounding strangely happy considering her condition, "So I never knew my Dad. Supposedly there is this wonderful love story between him and my Mom that no one has told me, but he still wasn't there. A few years back my mom died." Meredith was a little surprised by Kelly's openness, but decided to listen. "When she did, I took all of her journals and such. My Mom has been writing in those journals practically all her life and up until now I've had a busy life so I'm just now finishing them," she said as she took a small tattered notebook off of the table next to her. "My Mom tended to write to some type of audience, almost as if she was someone else writing to her if you get what I mean. Here is an entry that I think you might find interesting:

_You may not be with him, but he's still your world. He's still the one thing worth holding on to. The true test of love is that no matter how long you two go without talking, he will always find a way back into your heart. No matter how hard you try to forget him, you can't. It's the little things that mean the most, but break your heart all the same. It's those times when a song comes on the radio and immediately you cry missing him, wanting him, needing him… just the small thought of maybe, just maybe there might be an "us" gives you the strength to hold on that much longer. You never realize how much you love something until you lose it and you're one of the lucky ones if you get it back."_

Meredith swallowed hard and left the room without saying anything to Kelly. She didn't understand why everyone was bombarding her about Derek when none of them knew anything about Derek and her. She was with Jacob now and she was determined to stay that way. She looked at her watch and noticed that someone was going to start prepping Kelly soon and then she would have to be in surgery with Derek soon. That thought almost made her want to just quit, but she knew that was just her anger talking and that she could get through it, she had before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**January 10, 2007- New York City, New York, New York General**

She headed towards the OR and walked into the scrub room. She was extremely relieved when she saw that it was empty after she remembered some of her past scrub room moments that involved Derek. She picked up a mask and tied it around her neck before turning the water on.

She heard the doorknob turn and someone walk in. She made her self fight the urge to turn and see who it was just because she didn't want to see Derek's face. When she saw his arms reach for a mask, her suspicions were confirmed and she began to feel even more uncomfortable then she already had been.

"Mer," he said softly, in a longing voice.

"Derek, I moved on. I'm dating someone, I live with him. You can't waltz back into my life. Not now," she said without looking at him.

"I miss you, Meredith."

"Derek you need to move on too," Meredith said finally letting herself gaze into his eyes.

"Meredith, I tried to move on. I tried to tell myself that you don't want me and that I can't have you anymore. I tried so hard, but how can anyone let go of the one person who makes them happy? The only person who made them feel alive? You just can't let go of something like that," Derek said getting softer and trailing off at the end.

Meredith looked at him as her face began to get red and a tear rolled down her eye. Derek couldn't stand watching her fall apart like this anymore. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss full of pent up passion.

Meredith pushed Derek away, "What the hell do you think you are doing?" Meredith asked without giving Derek the time to answer, "Derek you can't do that. You lost the right to do that a long time ago. I'm in love Derek. Just not with you anymore. I've told you once and I'll tell you again, I've moved on and it's time for you to do the same." And with that she walked into the OR leaving Derek shocked.

He collected himself and walked into the OR that was now full of nurses and other Doctors. He tried to steal a glance from Meredith to find out what she was thinking or feeling, but she refused to give him even that. She stood as far away from him as she possibly could.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives," Derek said as he usually do, annoying Meredith with the familiarity she was feeling to the life she left six months ago.

Derek began the surgery without looking up from Kelly's brain. When he finally did, he saw Meredith and let him feel his emotions again, which is something he rarely did in the operating room. "Dr. Grey? Would you help me with this?" Derek asked. Meredith looked up at him and gave him a bitter look and then walked over to him. She stopped on the opposite side of Kelly's head that Derek was on.

Derek straightened his back and took a few steps away from Kelly to let Meredith step in and take his place. When she did, he walked closer to her and allowed their bodies to gently touch. Meredith felt her knees buckling, but she straightened herself up as Derek handed her the scalpel. Derek put his left hand on Meredith's lower back and put his right hand over her grip on the scalpel so that he could guide her through the process.

* * *

When the surgery was over, Derek released Meredith and she got away from him as fast as she could. She walked into the scrub room and threw away her gloves and mask before washing her hands. Derek walked in and did the same and they ended up in front of the sink again. Meredith refused to look at him or say anything. She finished washing her hands and dried them quickly. After throwing away the paper towels she walked over to the door. She stopped for a moment and looked back at Derek. He looked at her and she opened her mouth to say something, but stopped herself and left.

She walked down the hall and ran into Meg. "Hey Meredith," Meg said. Meredith kept walking with Meg at her side, not responding to her. "Meredith?"

"What?" Meredith asked angrily.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Meg said taken back by Meredith's tone.

"Why? So you can give me more reasons why I should go with the one man that has hurt me the most in this world? Because if that is what you wanted to talk about then go talk to him about it because I don't care," Meredith said before walking off and leaving Meg shocked.

* * *

Meredith walked into her apartment and placed her keys and purse down on the table as she usually did. She began to walk down the hall, but stopped. She turned around and walked back over to the table. She looked and saw that the drawer was open a little; not enough to usually catch your attention, but just enough to know that someone unlocked it.

She stepped back and looked around. She saw Jacob's brief case leaning against the leg of the table and his shoes next to it as they usually were. Suddenly her apartment seemed too quiet and the sunlight coming from the windows of the other rooms became blinding.

Meredith walked into her bedroom, knowing what she was going to find. She saw Jacob sitting on their bed with an opened letter in his hands and a few others spread out on the bed. She stood in the doorway, not sure what she could do or say at this point.

Jacob dropped the letter and looked up at Meredith. She avoided eye contact with him at first, but decided that wasn't fair to him and finally forced herself to look at him and admit her mistakes. She walked over to him and sat down on the bed across from him. He looked up at her, "So this guy, he really loves you, doesn't he?"

Meredith swallowed hard and thought about her response, "I wouldn't know. He never told me."

Jacob looked down at the papers, "He did in these letters. A million different ways. He explained everything that happened between you two, which was something that you never did." Meredith began to feel even more guilt then she had been when she first saw him with the letters. "And you really loved him. Or love him. That's the part I'm not completely sure about." Meredith began to say something in defense, but Jacob put his hand up to stop her as he stood up. "Let me just ask you one question. Do you really love me or am I just a replacement for what you can't have?"

* * *

"Excuse me? Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up from the files before him, "Yes?" he said.

"I know you don't know me, but I know you… well I know of you. I'm Dr. Meg Lord. I'm one of Meredith's friends," Meg said a little uncomfortably.

Derek sighed, "And now you're here to tell me to get the hell out of her life?"

"No, no, not at all," Meg said surprising Derek. "I know a little about what happened between you two and I've never seen Meredith so emotional about something. When her and Jacob broke up for a little while a few months back, she was practically excited compared to what she was when she saw you. Now I know it's not good that you've hurt her so bad, but there is obviously something still there."

"That's why I'm here," Derek said still a little surprised that Meg wasn't trying to kill him.

"Yeah, but she hates you and she supposedly loves Jacob," Meg said, "Its really kind of hard for me to help you because it clearly forces me to cross way too many lines, but I sometimes just sense things and I can sense this thing about you and Meredith. I've known Jacob my entire life and I know that he's never cared about anyone more than he cares about Meredith, but she always seems so dull towards the relationship, yet so emotional in the day that you've been back."

Derek wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't like he had some master plan that he could unravel and show her. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing except for trying to talk to Meredith without her crying or yelling at him.

"Maybe we could try and get some of her friends from Seattle to talk to her. I mean she did have friends in Seattle, right?" Meg asked.

Derek nodded, "Yeah she did. I've got to go, but thanks," he said. He gave her a halfhearted smile and then turned around to leave.

* * *

"Jacob, it's not like that. I left him. I left Seattle. And I love you," Meredith said with tears running down her face.

Jacob sighed, "Meredith, I know when I'm being lied straight to my face. If you did, you wouldn't get such a pained look upon your face when you tell me you love me. Meredith, I need you to be honest. I'd rather be hurt by the truth now then have my hopes held up by some worthless lie."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me," Cristina said as she looked at her cell phone in Joe's bar.

"What?" Izzie asked.

"It's Shepherd."

"What?" George asked. Cristina picked up her phone and outside to answer it, leaving the other interns to wonder. "It's about Meredith," George said

"Well Duh," Alex said, finding George's remark stupid.

"Isn't she dating some guy in New York? I thought she was happy," Izzie said.

"She probably was and then Shepherd ruined it," George said.

They heard the ringing of the bell above the door and turned around to see Cristina walking back in.

"He wants her back, but she doesn't want anything to do with him," Cristina said plainly.

"And?" George asked expecting more.

"And now it's apparently our problem to fix," Cristina said as she sat down.

"How?" Izzie asked.

"Me," Cristina said receiving confused looks from everyone else.

* * *

Meredith didn't say anything; she just sat on her bed and cried. She had no idea what she could say to Jacob. He paced around the room for a few minutes and calmed down before he went over to Meredith. He sat down next to her and waited until she had calmed down too.

"Meredith, it's obvious to me that you are not over him," he said. Everyone word that came out of his mouth seemed to pain both him and Meredith. "If you want me here, I'll stay, but you need to promise me that you're trying and you are going to stay away from him."

Meredith looked up at Jacob, "I promise," she mumbled before he wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to his body. He felt her trembling as she began to cry again and decided that he was going to have to hold on to that worthless lie for just a little bit longer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

**January 11, 2007- New York City, New York**

Jacob hit the alarm after it started going off at 5 in the morning. Meredith was still cuddled up on him, clinging to him for support and she didn't even stir when it went off. He tried to get up without waking her, but when he heard her sweet moan, he knew she was awake. "Good morning beautiful," he whispered into her ear. She smiled without even opening her eyes or moving. "Come on," he said, trying to get her up. She opened her eyes and looked at him. For a moment her smile dropped, but she smiled again once she realized that it had. Jacob dismissed it and went into the kitchen to make her some coffee.

Meredith forced herself up and she stumbled over to her dresser. She opened a few drawers, looking for some clean scrubs, but couldn't find any. She bent down to the bottom drawer and opened it, without thinking about what was inside. She lifted a few sweaters and found something that was red. She pulled it out and sat on her bed, looking at the red shirt in her hands.

Tears rolled down her already tear stained face as her fingertips grazed the fabric and memories of the night she first saw this shirt flew through her mind. "Meredith?" she heard coming from down the hall. The voice brought her back to reality. She heard footsteps coming into her room and she jumped up to throw the shirt back into the bottom drawer and close it before Jacob walked in.

"I was just making sure you got up," Jacob said with a smile.

Meredith sighed and looked at Jacob, "Yeah, I'm up. I'll be in there for breakfast in a minute," she said with her back leaning against the dresser. Jacob nodded and turned around to leave. Meredith closed her eyes and slid down the dresser to the floor as her head fell to her hands.

Meredith realized what she was doing and made herself stop crying. She got in the shower and let the hot water run over her body as flash backs ran through her head of moments with Derek. She had finally gotten herself away from all of this, but the more she thought about it, the more reminders she had of him all over the house. She looked at her conditioner and saw _Lavender_ written on it in big letters. She worked it through her hair and remembered Derek's comment about it. She felt like his memories were consuming her and she didn't know how to make it stop, or if she really wanted it to.

She stepped out of the shower and blow-dried her hair quickly before getting dressed and making her way to the kitchen. She sat down next to Jacob, just like she did every day and began to notice how her life had turned into some type of routine. She began eating her breakfast that Jacob had forced her to start eating months ago, until she realized Jacob was staring at her. She put her fork down and looked up at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head and began eating again, but she could tell that that was not enough for Jacob because he didn't go back to eating. "Jacob, that part of my life is not something I'm proud of. I really just want to move past it and that's what I've been trying to do since I got here. That's why I haven't opened a single one of those letters."

"Why didn't you just throw them away? Why keep them all?" Jacob asked.

Meredith sighed and decided to be honest, "I have no idea. It just felt wrong throwing them away. It was just too soon when I first started getting them and then it just became a habit, I guess."

Jacob opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the phone ringing. He looked at Meredith and then got up to answer it. "Hello?" Meredith heard him say. "Okay. One moment please," he said before putting the phone down and walking back over to Meredith, "It's for you."

Meredith got up and walked over to the phone, "Hello?"

"Meredith, you better get your ass to the airport right now."

"Cristina?" Meredith asked with both confusion and excitement in her voice.

"Yes, Cristina. I tried calling you about ten times last night. I don't even want to know what you were doing that made you unable to hear me, but it is raining here and I don't like rain so get your ass here," Cristina said.

"If you don't like rain, then why do you live in Seattle?"

"Meredith, just get here," Cristina said.

"I can't. I have to work, but I'm sure my boyfriend Jacob can pick you up," Meredith said looking at Jacob who just nodded.

"Sure, that'll be great," Cristina said with a very sarcastic tone before hanging up on Meredith.

* * *

Cristina paced around her gate waiting for some guy whom she had never heard of before to pick her up. An hour passed and she finally saw and guy with reddish brown hair and green eyes come towards her. He seemed muscular and was pretty good looking; Cristina was impressed.

"Are you Cristina Yang?" he asked when he finally caught up with her.

"Yes and I'm guessing you're Jacob?" she asked.

"Yeah, sorry it took me so long to get here. The traffic in New York is horrible. I can take you back to the apartment and you can wait there for Meredith, but I've got to go to work after that," he said as he led her down the escalator.

"Alright," Cristina said trying to get a good sense of this guy.

"Well I've heard lots about you," he said trying to make more conversation.

"Really? I haven't heard a thing about you," Cristina said honestly, "How long have you and Meredith been dating?"

"Almost six months," Jacob said surprised that Cristina didn't know who he was.

"Really? That's probably a record for Meredith. I don't think I've known her to get any farther than two official months," Cristina said as they walked out of the airport.

"Official months?"

"Well yeah. She dated a guy for two months, but after they broke up they still stole glances and things. It was actually very sickening," Cristina said as she chose her words strategically.

"Really?" Jacob asked interested.

"Yeah and then they just had sex about a year after they broke up. Meredith and her sex problem," Cristina said shaking her head.

"Sex problem?" Jacob asked a little concerned now.

"She was sleeping with a lot of inappropriate men and then one of her best friends. She tends to sleep with people to cope with her problems. I really shouldn't be saying these things, I'm just going to shut up now," Cristina said as she got into Jacob's car. When he wasn't looking she smiled and little, realizing that this might be easier than she expected.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**January 11, 2007- New York City, New York**

"Hello Kelly, how are you feeling today?" Meredith asked as she walked into her patient's room.

"Good. How are you?"

"I'm just fine," Meredith said with a smile on her face.

"That is such a fake smile. Obviously you didn't work everything out with Dr. Shepherd," Kelly said.

"Trust me, there is nothing to work out with him," Meredith said with another smile as Derek walked in.

"How are you two?" Derek asked.

"Well I'm just fine, but I don't know about Dr. Grey. I think she's full of fake smiles today," Kelly said knowing that she was going to make Meredith a little angry.

"Really? Maybe you should see a doctor about that Meredith."

"Yeah, maybe I should," Meredith said bitterly, trying to forget everything she felt this morning. Meredith walked around Kelly's bed and past Derek to leave the room. Derek followed her out without saying a word to Kelly.

"Meredith, we need to talk," Derek said pulling her into an exam room.

"No we don't. Let me just get through today without talking to you, okay? I promised him that I would stay away from you and that is what I intend on doing that, so just leave me alone," Meredith said trying to fight Derek and make him leave her alone.

"Him?"

"Jacob. My boyfriend. The man I love," Meredith said paining both her and Derek.

"You love him?"

Meredith sighed, "That's what I said isn't it? Derek, these feelings are going to go away. They did for me," Meredith said not sure whether she was being honest or not.

"I don't think these feelings will ever go away. Not only because they can't, but also because I won't let them. I won't let you go away, not again," Derek said reaching out for Meredith.

She pushed his hand away, "You did it before, more than once. I'm sure you can do it again."

"Meredith, I can tell you aren't happy. Stop pretending like you are," Derek said.

"I was happy. I was perfectly fine until you got here. I was moving on. I was in love," Meredith said, "I mean I am in love."

"Meredith, I know you didn't mean to love me and I know you don't want to, but I also know you do. You do. I love you and that's the way it's going to stay. You just have to accept it and stop fighting it, stop fighting me," Derek said inching closer to Meredith.

Derek stopped when there was barely room for hair between their bodies and his arm was wrapped around her waist. She didn't move it, but didn't respond in any other way either. After a few minutes of silence, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "That's the only time you've ever said that to me."

"I know and I'm sorry about that."

"But it's not enough. It's just too late," Meredith said before leaving Derek alone in the room.

* * *

Derek leaned against the closed door and brought his hands to his head fighting back both tears and anger. He was mad at himself for letting everything get this far and mad at Meredith for not letting him back in, but he knew that it was his fault in the first place.

* * *

Meredith closed the door behind her and put her back against the door for support. She couldn't make herself move. She hadn't been that close to Derek in six months. She hadn't heard his voice like that in six months. She had almost forgotten what it sounded like. One thing she hadn't forgotten was the taste of his kiss and that feeling she gets when he comes that close to her. It took everything inside her to stop herself from kissing him right then and walk away. She couldn't make herself put any more space between them then the door.

* * *

Derek could feel Meredith on the other side of the door and knew that she was feeling some of the same things. They both knew what the other was feeling almost perfectly, but it seemed like life just got in their way. Life just got in the way of love. He began to remember all of the things he had wanted to say to her, but didn't know how before. Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter.

* * *

Meredith saw Meg coming. She took a deep breath and tried to make her face go back to its normal color. She straightened out her back and pulled away from the door. Meg gave Meredith an odd look, but Meredith pretended like she hadn't seen it and decided to talk about something else before Meg started asking questions.

"One of my friends from Seattle is in town," Meredith said as she began walking down the hall.

"Really?"

"Yeah, her name is Cristina. You'd probably like her. Once you got past her sarcasm anyways."

"I'd love to meet her," Meg said with a smile.

* * *

Cristina walked into the apartment and recognized a lot of the furniture from Meredith's place in Seattle. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"The sofa pulls out to a bed. I guess you can stay there since we don't have guest room," Jacob said, "Well I have to get to work, but Meredith's number is on the fridge if you need anything. She should be home from the hospital soon."

"Okay," Cristina said not really paying attention to Jacob, but looking around the place.

Jacob left and Cristina got up to examine the place more in depth. She thought it was kind of weird how there was nothing from Seattle or Seattle Grace in the apartment at all. No pictures of her friends or anything. The walls were covered with pictures of Meredith and Jacob it almost sickened Cristina. Cristina walked into Meredith's bedroom and saw papers on the floor. She walked over to them and picked one up, recognizing the handwriting from forms at the hospital.

_Dear Meredith,_

_I know you are mad at me and I know that I deserve that, but I just want to talk to you. I miss you so much and you've only been gone for a day. I found out you were leaving after you left for the airport. I followed you there hoping that I could stop you. When I got to your gate all I could see was the plane taking off. It broke my heart to see you leave. I know we both said some things we regret, but you need to come back. I don't understand how you can just drop your life like this. Everyone keeps saying that you'll come back. They aren't really saying it to me, but more to themselves to comfort them._

_Addison is gone. She left a few hours before you did. That's why I wasn't at the hospital then. Once again Addison got in the way of us. We need to talk about what happened. Without fighting, that is. I have so many things that I need to say to you. I would write them, but I don't think you would understand the magnitude of my feelings unless I said them to you to your face. I need you to come back, come home. Please, just come home. I miss you._

_Love,  
__Derek_

Cristina put the paper down and began to wonder what had happened here the night before. She walked over to the dresser then she recognized from Meredith's old bedroom. On top of it she saw a picture of Meredith and Jacob and a few small boxes. Behind them, she found a small statue of a ferryboat. She opened one of the boxes and saw a small bottle of cologne. It was strong and she could tell that it wasn't what Jacob had been wearing. She closed the box and opened up the biggest one. It was full of pictures. It was full of Meredith's past. It was full of Derek. Cristina put it back once again thought that this was going to be a little easier then she first had suspected.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

**January 11, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith got into her apartment a few hours after Cristina had arrived. She put the mail down and was surprised to see another letter from Derek. Meredith picked the letter back up and examined it closely. It was sent from the hotel he was staying at. She began to wonder why he kept sending them even though she hadn't responded to a single one. Meredith was about to open it when Cristina walked into the hall way from the kitchen.

"Hey Mer," Cristina said.

"Hey, " Meredith said with no excitement in her voice.

"Well you seem happy to see me," Cristina said sarcastically.

"Sorry, it's just been a long day," Meredith said as she walked into the kitchen and got the rest of her ice cream and brought it into the living room with Cristina following.

"So when are you going to go back to McDreamy?"

"What?" Meredith said dropping her spoon in the ice cream.

"You know you will eventually. You should stop kidding yourself. You know you love him," Cristina said.

"Cristina you can't waltz back into my life after six months and tell me things like that. You have no idea who I love," Meredith said getting defensive.

"You're acting like everyone left you. No one left you, you left everyone. That is your fault. You're pitying yourself when you don't deserve the pity. Stop hurting everyone and just own up to your mistakes and to your feelings," Cristina said getting up.

"Cristina where are you going?" Meredith said realizing that she was leaving. The front door opened and then slammed. Suddenly a very empty and alone feeling consumed Meredith and she looked down at her ice cream and of course, it was Derek's favorite flavor.

* * *

"_Derek? Derek? Where are you?" Meredith screamed to the unknown darkness. She heard steps coming towards her. They kept coming, closer, closer. "Derek? I can't see where you went. Come back to me! Derek!" Meredith continued to scream trying to drown out the sounds of the footsteps. Meredith reached for something to grasp for support, but there was nothing around her. She felt completely alone as the footsteps kept coming. The sound became overwhelming and she put her hands to her ears to stop the sound, but it was no use._

"_Good-bye," Meredith heard. The voice was far away and quiet, but it echoed in the lonely space and Meredith could immediately recognize it._

"_Derek! Come back! Don't leave me here!" she screamed again._

_The footsteps finally stopped and Meredith could sense that someone was right in front of her, "Derek is gone," the voice said. "You took too long."_

"_What? Who are you? What are you talking about?" Meredith asked completely confused. Suddenly a small glowing light appeared showing Meredith who the footsteps belonged to._

"_He gave up, Meredith. He left you. He came back for me," Addison said with a wicked smile on her face._

"_No, Derek loves me. He'll come back. He loves me," Meredith said as tears rolled down her face._

"_He did love you. He waited for you and then followed you, but you wouldn't have him. You pushed him away. And now he's mine. It's all your fault Meredith. You pushed him back to me," Addison said wickedly. _

"_No! Derek! Derek! Come back, DEREK!" Meredith screamed as she tried to run away, but it didn't seem like she was moving.

* * *

_

"Meredith? Meredith wake up," Jacob said trying to hold Meredith still.

"No! Derek!" Meredith screamed. She was shaking violently, trying to fight away Jacob's hands until her eyes finally opened. Her eyes were large and almost scared Jacob at first. She was covered in a cold sweat and her heart was racing.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Jacob asked.

Meredith looked around and realized where she was. She was still on her couch and Jacob was kneeling before her. Cristina was across the room with an 'I told you so' look on her face. Meredith swallowed hard and reminded herself that it was just a dream. More like nightmare. Anything involving Addison seemed to be like a nightmare.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Jacob repeated.

Meredith focused her eyes back on Jacob, "Yeah. I… I'm fine," she managed to say in a low voice with a look of horror still upon her face.

"Did you say Derek?" Jacob asked as he lifted Meredith up some so that she was sitting up on the couch.

"What?" Meredith asked pretending like she had no idea what Jacob was talking about.

"Never mind," Jacob said taking her in his arms once again holding on to the worthless lie. Cristina looked at them and shook her head before walking out of the room.

Meredith took a few deep breaths to completely calm her self down and then she released herself from Jacob's grip. "I'm okay," she said more to reassure herself then to tell Jacob.

"You sure?" Jacob asked sweetly.

"Yeah," Meredith said trying to smile.

"What was that about? Your nightmare, I mean?" Jacob asked trying to get Meredith to confide in him.

"Nothing, I don't really remember it that well," Meredith lied as the vision of the nightmare replayed in her mind over and over again of her losing Derek to Addison, again.

"Meredith, are you sure that you are really okay?" Jacob asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she got up from the couch. She walked into the kitchen and saw Cristina sitting there. "Go ahead, say it."

"Say what?" Cristina asked trying to sound innocent.

"Say that you told me. I don't care. It was just a dream," Meredith said as she looked through a few kitchen cabinets.

"Fine, I told you so," Cristina said with a smile, "Oh and by the way you don't have any tequila so you might as well stop looking for it."

"What? How do you know if I have tequila or not?" Meredith said after she stopped looking for it.

"I already looked while you were sleeping. I figured you would need some eventually," Cristina said, "I'm still kind of surprised that you don't have any."

"My tequila problem stayed in Seattle."

"Did you completely change who you were when you came here? Are you sure your name is still Meredith Grey?" Cristina asked.

"Ha ha," Meredith said sarcastically, unamused.

"Just so you know, I think everyone in this apartment building could hear you screaming for Derek. I'm pretty sure that everything you said in the dream, you screamed in real life," Cristina said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah. Oh and by the way, I told you so again," Cristina said as she got up, "It stopped raining so I'm going to go get some tequila. I like you better drunk."

* * *

**June 29, 2006- Seattle, Washington**

_Derek turned the corner of Seattle Grace and saw Meredith walking out of the Chief's office with a melancholy look upon her face. Derek walked over to her and she kept walking as if she never saw him. Derek followed her down the hall and pulled her into an exam room._

"_What's going on?" Derek asked._

_Meredith looked up at him, "I can't do this anymore. You're going to be a father. I can't be the one to tear apart a family. I won't be Richard. I can't do that to someone just like me. I just won't," Meredith said with tears running down her face._

"_Meredith, you aren't tearing apart a family. Addison and I haven't been a family for a long time and I'll still be there for the child," Derek said trying to reassure Meredith._

"_No, I can't do it. I won't," Meredith said as she went to the door._

"_Fine, Meredith, just walk away. Just leave your problems. Now you're becoming your mother," Derek said before realizing the words that were spilling out of his mouth._

_Meredith stopped a turned around, "Excuse me? You have no idea what you're talking about."_

"_You're running out. You're leaving just because it's getting hard. Well guess what Meredith: life is hard. Love is hard. If you want to be in love, you have to fight for it. You just can't leave," Derek said._

"_I did fight. I fought for a year Derek and now I'm done. I'm done fighting. I've done everything I can and now I can't hurt an innocent child. That's just wrong. I won't be that person."_

"_Where are you going? At least tell me that," Derek pleaded._

_Meredith sighed, "Derek if I told you, what would be the point?"_

"_I could come and find you. Meredith you can't just leave me. Not like this," Derek said._

"_You left me. Remember that. You left me. Now I'm just doing the best thing for me because you ended this. Not me," Meredith said before she walked out the door.

* * *

_

Derek woke up and looked around. He was in an on-call room at the hospital. He shook his head as if it would shake away the bad memories of him and Meredith before she left. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was going on eight o'clock and he still hadn't heard from Cristina or seen Meredith around the hospital all day. He got up and forced himself to go back to work and try to put his life on hold to save some one else's.

* * *

_Derek got out of surgery and hurried to the Chief's office. He didn't bother knocking, he just walked it._

"_Derek?" the Chief asked a little startled._

"_Did she leave? Where is she going?" Derek asked sound frantic._

"_Derek what are you talking about?"_

_Derek paced around the room, "When I was in surgery, she came into the gallery. She looked at me and told me she loved me and said good-bye. Then she walked out of the gallery. Richard, where did she go?"_

_Richard sighed and looked at his watch, "Her plane is leaving in an hour. You'll never get there in time."_

"_What flight?"_

"_N1232. Derek, you won't make it," Richard said, but Derek had left the room the second he heard the numbers._

**There's just one thing that I need to say  
****Before I close my eyes and walk away  
****There's just one thing that I need to feel  
****Before I walk away against my will**

_Derek didn't bother changing or anything. He ran out of Seattle Grace and to his car as fast as he could and jolted on the gas. He had no idea what he was going to say to stop her from leaving, but he knew he had to do something. He sped through the streets, receiving many honks and even a few fingers, but he didn't care. He kept driving with his mind concentrated on the goal: Meredith. _

**There's just one thing that I need to hear  
****Before I walk away for the last time  
****There's just one thing that I need to see  
****Before I take this chance and set us free**

_When he got to the airport he parked his car in the first spot he could find and took off running. He knew he looked weird to everyone else in the airport. He looked like some crazy guy in scrubs running through the airport, but then again that was exactly what he was. _

**Don't forget me  
****Don't regret me  
****Don't suspend me  
****Don't neglect me**

_He got on the escalator to take him to the second floor, but ran up it as if it were still stairs. He found a monitor with the flights on it and found which gate Meredith was at. Her gate was at the other end of the airport, just as he figured it would be. _

**The memory of this still reminds me of you  
****The memory of this still reminds  
****The memory of this still reminds me of you  
****And that is where you'll find me**

_Everything seemed to be going in slow motion and Derek couldn't figure out why. He spotted Meredith on the other side of the airport. She had her bags in hand with tears rolling down her face. She was all alone and Derek knew she felt that way too._

**Stars in your eyes  
****Did you take the time to realize **

_Derek called out her name and she looked over in his direction. She looked around trying to find who called her, but couldn't find him. Derek kept running towards her as her flight was called to board. She stood up and walked over to the gate and handed the clerk her ticket. _

**Can you count the stars in your eyes?  
****Did you take the time to realize?**

_She looked back once taking in the sight of Seattle and then began boarding the plane. Derek reached her gate and looked at her through the thin sheet of glass that separated them. She looked back once more and caught0 sight of him._

**There's just one thing that I need to say  
****Before I walk away  
****There's just one thing that I need to feel  
****Before I walk away against my will**

_Derek walked close to the glass and touched it with his hand. Meredith stepped out of line and walked over to him, staring him in the eye. She looked at his hand and closed her eyes almost wishing that it were all a dream. She opened them again and turned away from Derek._

**Don't forget me  
****Don't regret me  
****The memory of this still reminds me of you  
****Don't suspend me  
****The memory of this still reminds me  
****Don't neglect me  
****The memory of this still reminds me of you**

_Derek knew deep inside of him that he was about to lose her. He called out to her, but it was no use. She couldn't hear him through the glass. She picked her bags back up and took her spot back in line to board the plane. Derek stepped back, defeated and looked out the window. He sat down for awhile and watched her plan leave._

**The memory of this still reminds me  
****Stars in your eyes  
****Did you take the time to realize?

* * *

**

**January 11, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith put down her shot glass put her head on the table. Cristina didn't even notice: Meredith being drunk was nothing knew to her. Jacob, however, was getting worried. He couldn't watch this. He knew she was going through something, but he couldn't help her through this. She had to do it herself. Jacob got up and left the kitchen. Once he was gone Cristina looked at Meredith, "Flashbacks?"

Meredith picked her head back up and Cristina poured her another shot of tequila, "Yup."

"You tend to get those when you're drunk. I probably should have reminded you of that before you opened the tequila," Cristina said knowing that that was the whole point of getting Meredith drunk in the first place.

* * *

A few hours later Meredith stumbled into her bedroom. Jacob was lying on their bed watching television with all of lights off. Meredith walked over to her bed and laid down oblivious to the man watching her every move. She got under the covers and closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

"Meredith what am I supposed to do?" Jacob asked still looking at the television.

Meredith didn't move. Her head hurt and her eyes burned, she could barely think anymore. She said the only thing she could, "I don't know."

"One of us needs to figure that out soon," Jacob said before turning off the television and putting his back to Meredith's and going to sleep.

* * *

Derek walked down the hall of the hospital and caught a glimpse of Cristina. He backed up and made sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. He saw her again and she was walking towards him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into an exam room.

"How is she?" Derek asked.

"Look, I know I'm here to help you and all, but you are an ass. I'm beginning to think she was actually happy here, like she had actually moved on with this guy Jacob. Now she's a mess. Apparently since she's been here she has been the good Meredith, the non-drinking Meredith. This guy has never seen her with a bottle of tequila before. Now I'm the horrible friend who is dragging her back down with tequila in hand," Cristina said not giving Derek enough space to say anything, "If I keep helping you and she hates me for it, I swear I'll kill you. I already lost my person for six months and I don't want to lose her for any longer. You actually did something to deserve her leaving you, but the rest of us were just there for her. Izzie, George, and I just woke up one morning to find out that our best friend was gone. A piece of our family just left. If I risk that for you and you just screw it up again then I will make sure you only see the inside of an operating room from the table, understand me?"

Derek was surprised by Cristina's outrage and by the solitary tear running down her cheek. He was beginning to realize how what he did to Meredith didn't just affect them; it hurt everyone. He hurt everyone. No wonder no one at the hospital could look at him the same way anymore.

"Do you understand me?" Cristina repeated, knocking Derek out of his world of thoughts.

"I'm not going to hurt her anymore. I promise," Derek said.

"You've said that before. Just remember, I'm not doing this for you. I don't like you. I'm doing this for Meredith because for some odd reason she needs you. And I swear if anyone finds out that I'm being a softy right now, I'll kick your ass for that even if you don't hurt her, got it?"

"Yes," Derek said.

"Good," Cristina said before she walked out of the room, satisfied.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

**January 12, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith walked into the hospital the next morning, with a pounding headache that she was still trying to ignore. She knew she would see Derek and she knew it would hurt, but she would just have to walk on by. Meredith looked at the nurse's station and her already depressed face didn't change when she saw Derek leaning against it, looking directly at her. She walked past him and walked into the empty elevator, expecting his next move before he even made it.

**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came**

Derek walked into the elevator, stopping the doors from closing. Meredith shuffled to the opposite side and he stood next to her with room for another person between them. He turned her head to look at her while she stood ahead and then turned his head back to the door. She looked at him and how he looked like he hadn't slept in days and then turned her head back before she lost it.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**

Derek looked at Meredith again and began to refeel all of the guilt that he'd been trying to forget. All of the regret that he's been forced to live with came tumbling down on him. He tried to think back to the beginning of everything with Meredith and figure out all the mistakes he'd made.

**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you**

Derek looked over at Meredith and locked eyes with her for a moment. Her face began to get red and she backed up against the wall. Derek watched her and didn't do anything as she slid to the floor and put her head in her hands. Derek suddenly realized what was happening and stopped the elevator. He could hear here crying before he sat down next to her.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**

Derek forced her to look at him and the look upon her face pained him. It was full of hurt and confusion, all that he knew he caused. She looked down at her hands, still crying as he wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly. "Why weren't you there?" Meredith asked him through her tears.

"Where?"

"Why weren't you there for me?" she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

**As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came**

Derek didn't respond right away, he didn't know how to fix her broken emotions that were laid out before him. He knew she was waiting for an answer so he summoned up a few words, "I was lost and confused, Meredith. I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I'm here."

"Derek, it's too late. You lost me. I tried, I really did try to wait for you, but you made me wait too long, Derek. You expected too much out of me. You lost me," Meredith said as she calmed herself down so that people wouldn't ask her what was wrong as soon as they saw her.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**

Derek knew she was right. He hadn't completely lost her, but he was losing her. She was still here in the elevator, which meant he still had her a little, but he didn't know how to repair what he had done. He didn't know how to save her, how to save them.

Meredith stood up and looked down on Derek with sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, "Good-bye." It was just like she had done before she left. She told him good-bye and he became helpless to stop her from leaving. He was really losing her and it wasn't because some other guy had her, it was because he had pushed her away too many times.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**

Meredith pushed the emergency stop button again and Derek stood up as the doors opened. Meredith looked back at him one more time, just like she had in the airport: taking it all in for the last time. Derek opened his mouth to say something, but she turned and walked out of the elevator before she could hear another word.

**How to save a life  
How to save a life**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

**January 12, 2007- New York City, New York**

Jacob woke up and for the first time in months, Meredith wasn't still asleep next to him. He got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. He jumped back a little when he saw Cristina, obviously forgetting that she was staying with them. Jacob looked at her and she gave him a funny look.

"Where is she?"

"Work," Cristina said flatly.

Jacob sat down next to Cristina and rubbed his eyes, trying to make himself wake up. "She loves him, doesn't she?" Jacob asked.

"No offense, but you are the only thing that is keeping my best friend here and I don't want her here. I want her in Seattle, so you're not going to get sympathy out of me. Even if I were supposed to like you, you wouldn't get it. I don't give sympathy. The only reason I'm even here is because McDreamy is too stupid to get Meredith back himself," Cristina said.

"McDreamy?" Jacob asked as he began to think that it was too early to deal with this.

"Derek. He wants her back and so far, he always gets her," Cristina said knowing that that was not what Jacob wanted to hear.

"I've been there for her for six months. How can she just ignore that and go back to him?" Jacob asked getting angry.

"She hasn't gone back to him. Not yet at least," Cristina said as she got up and walked into the living room.

Jacob was so confused and hurt at the same time. He didn't understand what Meredith was going through, but every day he felt more and more that she loved this other guy and not him.

* * *

Jacob didn't go into work. Instead he waited at home for Meredith to come. Cristina left at about noon because she was tired at staring at the wall, but Jacob stayed on his living room couch in his silent apartment, waiting. At about eight o'clock, the doorknob turned and the door opened. Jacob knew it was Meredith. She sat everything down on the small table and walked over to Jacob and sat down next to him without giving him the smallest glance of reassurance.**I walked across an empty land  
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
I felt the earth beneath my feet  
Sat by the river and it made me complete**

"Meredith, you need to give me some type of sign," Jacob said. Meredith didn't respond, "You need to tell me if there is something worth fight for here or not. You need to tell me if this is all just some worthless lie that I've been holding on to for no reason."

**Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin**

"I can't do this right now," Meredith mumbled as she began to cry again.

"Meredith, we have to do this now," Jacob said. Despite how much it hurt him to watch her cry, he had to do this for himself, "Our lives used to be simple, but exciting and full of love. Now everything is complicated and I have no idea what is going on. You need to explain it to me. All of it."

**I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?**

"I can't, I just, I just can't," Meredith said as the tears continued to roll down her face.

"Are you just expecting me to sit here? Just sit here and watch it pass? If that's what you want, fine. I'll watch," Jacob said, his voice getting louder.

**Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin**

Meredith began to cry a little harder and Jacob knew what that meant. He calmed himself down and began to talk in a lower voice, almost disappointed sounding, "It's not going to pass, is it?"

"It will," Meredith finally forced herself to say. She was telling herself and trying to convince herself more than she was actually talking to Jacob.

**And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?**

"Are we going to be okay?" Jacob asked Meredith, really hoping that her answer would be yes, even if it were a lie.

Meredith looked at Jacob for a moment before responding. She looked at the face that she'd been looking at for six months: the face that had been there for her the entire time. She couldn't hurt him now. He didn't deserve it. "We will be fine."

**Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin**

"Are you going to be okay?" Jacob asked deciding that that was probably the better question to ask.

Meredith wiped the tears that she hadn't realized had stopped and looked back up at Jacob. "I'm already okay."

**And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?**

Jacob smiled and wiped the one tear that she missed. Meredith smiled back at him as he wrapped his arms around her and brought her into a tight hug to let her know that he was there for her. When he let her go, she wasn't ready to be let go of. She looked back up at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She took one last deep look into his green eyes and brought her lips to his. Jacob kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her again. They continued to kiss as Jacob lifted her off the couch and carried her to their bedroom while he continued to kiss her.

**This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?**

Cristina walked back into Meredith's apartment and quickly learned that Meredith didn't leave one of 'bad habits' back in Seattle. She walked to their bedroom door and knocked on it, "You two do remember I'm here, right? At least be polite." Silence filled the house and Cristina smiled as she walked into the living room and turned on the television.

* * *

A few minutes later Meredith walked out of her room with her Dartmouth shirt on and sweat pants. She sat down on the couch with Cristina, "You know you could have just left and came back later."

Cristina smiled, "I could have, but that would have been more of a George thing to do. Not very Cristina like," Cristina said as she took a handful of popcorn from a bowl in front of her.

"Point taken," Meredith said taking small popcorn as well.

"So you're still in denial?" Cristina asked.

"Denial about what?"

"Loving Derek."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I don't love Derek. I love Jacob."

"I'm sorry Meredith, but Jacob and Meredith really just doesn't sound right. See you can shorten Meredith and Derek to MerDer, but how do you shorten Jacob and Meredith? It just isn't natural," Cristina said taking more popcorn.

"It doesn't matter if you can shorten it," Meredith said.

"Yes it does."

"Then what about Burke and Cristina? How do you shorten that?" Meredith asked.

"Burktina," Cristina said in a tone that made Meredith feel stupid for not already knowing that.

* * *

Meredith walked back towards her bedroom. When she opened her door she thought that for a moment she saw Derek lying on her bed instead of Jacob. She got confused for a moment and apparently got a funny look upon her face that Jacob responded to, "Are you okay?"

Meredith rubbed her forehead and walked over to Jacob, "Yeah, just my mind playing tricks on me."

"Ready to get back to what we started?" Jacob asked with a devilish smile on his face.

All of a sudden, Meredith really wasn't in the mood anymore. And Meredith not being in the mood for sex was a pretty rare thing. She wasn't sure how to tell Jacob this, so she decided to use Cristina, "Well Cristina is just in the other room. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable."

Jacob noticed the change in her tone of voice. She had the tone that she used when she wasn't telling him the truth. Or at least not all of the truth. Jacob decided not to bug her about it and just smiled, "Then we should get some sleep. It's getting late."

Meredith smiled back at Jacob and got back into bed. She faced the wall and felt Jacob's arms wrap around her. She closed her eyes and couldn't help but see Derek. Her head started to hurt again, but she fell asleep anyways.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

"_Meredith?"_

"_Meredith?"_

_Meredith looked between the two men that were both dressed up and standing in front of her in the hospital lobby, waiting for her next move. Meredith looked between the two men and then turned around to run down the stairs. She heard footsteps following her, but she didn't dare to turn around to see who they belonged to. She ran to her car and stopped at the door. She tried to open it, but it was locked. She then realized that her purse was inside. She turned around and saw Derek right in front of her._

"_Meredith," he said in a low voice._

_A tear rolled down Meredith's cheek as she decided not to respond, having no idea what she would say even if she had wanted to respond._

"_Meredith, what does this mean?" Derek asked._

"_What does this mean? Why are you asking me that? You're the one married. What does this mean for you Derek?" Meredith asked as it began to rain._

_Derek looked at her for a moment, "It.. It means," all of a sudden everything went out of focus. The space between Meredith and Derek seemed to be getting massively larger. Meredith looked around and she couldn't see the hospital or her car. Everything was getting dark._

"_Derek?" Meredith said. "Derek?" she repeated herself louder, more forcefully this time._

"_Derek isn't here anymore," a familiar voice said._

_The glow upon a woman's face appeared and Meredith knew who it was almost immediately, "Addison, what did you do with Derek?"_

_Addison laughed, "I didn't do anything. You pushed him away all by yourself."

* * *

_

**January 13, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith woke up, out of breath with her heart beat racing. She opened her eyes and sat up. She saw nothing but darkness and only heard silence. She looked at the clock and saw that it was two in the morning. She turned her head to look at Jacob who was peacefully asleep. She laid back down and tried to slow her breathing to a normal pace, continuing to tell herself that it was just a dream.

Meredith woke up and stumbled into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and saw Cristina sitting where Jacob usually sat in the mornings. Meredith took her normal seat with coffee in hand, "Where's Jacob?"

"He already left."

"Oh," Meredith said, her eyes still weren't completely open.

"Rough night?" Cristina asked.

"You could say that."

"That tends to happen to people in denial."

"I'm not in denial."

"It's all about the names, Meredith. All about the names," Cristina said as she got up from the table.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

**January 13, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith walked into the hospital the next morning and didn't see Derek. She smiled at this and got on the elevator to go upstairs. The elevator stopped on the second floor and Derek walked on. He was slightly surprised at first to see Meredith, but then smiled at her. Meredith thought about returning his smile, but then decided against it and focused on the numbers above of the elevator door. The elevator hit the third floor and Meredith became thankful that she only had one more floor to go. She could feel Derek's eyes on her and they were making her increasingly uncomfortable.

As the elevator slowly reached the fourth floor, Meredith felt like it was taking much longer then usual. She was almost certain that the doors were about to open when the elevator jerked to a stop. Both Meredith and Derek stumbled at the sudden movement as the lights flickered for a few minutes. When it all stopped Meredith looked at Derek for the first time on the elevator. He had a pitiful look upon his face that almost broke her heart even more.

**They say it's a river, that circles the Earth  
A beam of light shinin' to the edge of the universe  
It conquers all  
It changes everything**

Derek knew he had to say something to Meredith. After all, they were stuck in an elevator. This would probably be the longest he would have since she wouldn't be able to just run away. The thing was that he had no idea what to say. He was perfectly comfortable just staring into her eyes, but he knew that wouldn't be enough for her. She needed words. She needed promises, truth. Since Derek had no idea how to give that all to her, he just said what kept coming into his mind, "I love you."

**They say it's a blessing  
They say it's a gift  
They say it's a miracle and I believe that it is  
It conquers all  
But it's a mystery**

Meredith looked as though she hadn't heard a word he had said, but she heard all three of them. She just had no idea how she was going to respond. She kept looking into his eyes, something she had been telling herself not to do lately. She knew that if she looked into his eyes for too long, she would fall for him all over again, but she couldn't make herself look away.

**Love breaks your heart  
Love takes no less than everything  
Love makes it hard  
And it fades away  
So easily**

"Meredith?" Derek said quietly. She moved her head, bringing herself back into reality. "Did you hear me?" Derek asked. Meredith looked to the side and nodded before bringing her eyes back to him. He was still waiting for some type of response; any type and she knew it. Meredith felt the tears falling down her face, not realizing that she had even started to cry. Derek wasn't expecting this response. He was expecting her to start yelling at him, but this seemed so much worse.

**In this world we've created  
In this place that we live  
In the blink of an eye babe, the darkness slips in  
Love lights the world  
Unites the lovers for eternity**

"Meredith? Are you going to say anything?" Derek asked, realizing afterwards that that was probably not a very smart thing to say.

Meredith just looked at him and searched for the words that could describe what she was feeling. She thought back to Cristina and came up with what she could say, "I'm in denial."

**Love breaks the chains  
Love aches for every one of us  
Love takes the tears and the pain  
And then turns it into the beauty that remains**

Derek couldn't help but smile at little at her words as she looked down at the floor. Derek walked closer to her and put both of his hands on the sides of her arms. His touch sent shivers down her spine that she wasn't expecting and forced her to look back up at him.

**Look at this place  
It was paradise  
But now it's dying  
I'll pray for love**

Derek kept looking at Meredith and Meredith knew that he was waiting for her to say something else: anything. Once again she just said the first thing that came to her mind. As she began to talk, she felt her body be consumed in her tears, "It just hurts so much."

**I'll take, my chances that it's not too late**

Derek looked at Meredith and it killed him to see her falling apart like this, over and over again. As she stared in different directions, he took her chin and made her face him. "I know and I'm sorry, but it doesn't have to hurt anymore."

**Love breaks your heart  
Love takes no less than everything  
Love makes it hard**

**And it fades away so easily  
Oh Oh Oh**

Meredith knew he was trying to make her feel better and that was something that she had tried to stop him from doing a long time ago. But today as she felt his skin against hers, she couldn't help but think that maybe he actually was making her feel better. Maybe he was actually making her feel like Meredith again.

Derek still had his hand on her chin, making her look into his eyes. They had been in this position so many times before, but for some reason it felt different today. It had been so long that he had this much freedom to kiss her, but he didn't want to make her any more upset then she already was. He kept hoping that she was feeling the same way and that she wanted the kiss as much as he did, but he couldn't decide. After a few drawn out seconds, he decided he didn't care. It seemed to happen in slow motion and as if it was planned. The second he guided her lips closer to his, her arms began to wrap around his neck and for split second Derek swore he heard Meredith mumble, "I love you too." Then there lips met for the first time in months and they experienced a kiss like no other: A kiss of true love.

**Love breaks the chains  
Love aches for every one of us  
Love takes the tears and the pain  
And then turns it into the beauty that remains**

Derek was pressing Meredith against the elevator wall as the elevator jolted again and began working. Derek silently cursed the elevator for working as he was forced to release Meredith. She ran her fingers through her hair and straightened out her scrubs without making eye contact with Derek. The elevators door opened and there was a crowd of people in front of the doors.

"Meredith, are you alright?" Meg asked as Meredith walked out of the elevator. Meredith brushed by her, not responding. Meg didn't understand why until she saw Derek walk out of the elevator after her, "Oh, well that explains it," Meg said under her breath so only she could hear.

Meredith hurried down the hall without looking back. She could hear Derek's loud footsteps behind her and she knew that he was running towards her, but she just pretended like she had no idea what was happening when she noticed people staring at her. She turned the corner and thought she was finally safe until Derek wrapped his fingers around her arm, forcing her to stop.

She turned around and looked at Derek. He swallowed hard, catching his breath. He looked at her for a moment before asking the dreaded question that seemed to have messed things up before, "Meredith? What does this mean?"

Meredith searched her mind for an answer. Her first thought was to run, but Derek obviously sensed that and placed his free arm on her free arm, keeping her in front of him. She knew she would have to come up with something or he wouldn't let her go. After looking around the halls at nothing, she focused her eyes back at Derek, "It means that you are still married to a pregnant wife." Derek released her without thinking and she turned to leave.

Derek chased after her again and stopped her once more, "Meredith. That whole thing, it wasn't true."

Meredith turned around and faced him again, "What?"

"Addison just said that to make you leave. I gave her divorce papers and then she told me that she was pregnant and I'm guessing told you too. That's what all of those letters said. They all said that you were running away from nothing. You weren't going to break a family. There wasn't a family to break," Derek said reminding Meredith of the last time they spoke before she left Seattle, "All you were ever going to do was fix a broken man."

"She lied about being pregnant?" Meredith asked becoming even more confused and disgusted with Addison.

"Yes. I found out two days after you left. I called you and wrote letters. I told Cristina and Izzie, but they said that I'd done enough damage and they weren't going to help me hurt you," Derek said.

"This isn't all happening," Meredith said as she turned away from Derek and began to walk down the hall.

Derek hurried in front of her, forcing her to stop, "Meredith, why are you fighting this? Why are you fighting me? Meredith if you want to be happy you have to deal with the hard times instead of running from them. Stop running away from me and this," he said in a loud voice.

"What's this? There is no this!" Meredith yelled as she tried to walk past Derek.

Derek put his arm out, stopping her one more time. He looked at her and answered her question in a calmed tone of voice "This, Meredith, this is love." Her face softened for a moment, but Derek didn't notice. He let go of her arm and walked away. Meredith stood there watching him walk away.

Meredith's face got red as she felt tears coming, but she successfully fought them as she saw Meg coming from the opposite direction that Derek went. Meg saw Meredith and went over to her, "Are you okay?" Meredith looked at Meg and didn't say anything. The look upon her face said it all. Meg's face softened a bit and she pulled Meredith into a small hug, "I'm sorry."

* * *

Cristina walked into the unfamiliar bar, regretting that she had set foot on the plane to New York. "I should have stayed in Seattle. I think this is the longest I've gone without sex and surgery," Cristina thought to herself, laughing at the last three words. "Sex and surgery. That sounds good. No more sex in the city. I should star in a show called Sex and Surgery. I would be rich."

Cristina stops the conversation in her head when she sees a sullen man sitting with a drink in his hand. Cristina prepares herself for what she is about to get herself into and sits down next to him. The man barely raises his head as she sits down, practically ignoring her presence. Cristina orders herself a beer and waits until the man decides he's ready to talk. Cristina finished her first beer before he even moved. She looked at her watch and decided she didn't have time to wait around for him, "Come on Derek have some dignity."

Derek pulled his head out from his hands and looked at her. His face was red and tear stained. It was very obvious that he lost the last bit of his dignity before he had even stepped in the bar. Cristina would have pitied him, but she didn't pity people. Not even the most pathetic looking brain surgeon in New York _and_ Seattle. Cristina gave him a look, telling him to start talking or she was leaving. "I just don't know what to do."

Cristina rolled her eyes at his stupidity and then took a swig of her second beer. "Look, I'm not going to be Cristina, I'm going to be Izzie," she said receiving a confused look from Derek, "Cristina doesn't give a damn about this, but Izzie would, so as far as you are concerned, right now I'm Izzie." Derek nodded, waiting for her to continue, "You walked away Derek. You walked away like you could just move on without her. That's what everyone has done to her. And that's probably the reason she left Seattle. Walking away is all that she knows. But she needs you to show her that she's not something you can just walk away from. She needs someone to be afraid of losing her instead of voluntarily giving her up."

"I just don't know how to do it. Every time I figure everything out, the second I get all the answers, she changes the questions."

"Dude, that's life. Get over it," Cristina said taking another swig of beer, "Just show her that she's actually worth something to you. If you don't, she'll stay with this Jacob guy. I've seen him with her. He cares about her and he doesn't let her doubt it."

Derek swallowed hard after hearing her words, "Then maybe she would be happy with him. Maybe I should just let her be happy."

Cristina finished off her beer and stood up, "See this is why you're miserable. You're stupid." Then she walked out of the bar, leaving Derek as pathetic as he was when she got there.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

**January 13, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith walked into her apartment as she saw Jacob leaving. She looked up at him in confusion. "Where are you going?"

Jacob kissed her cheek quickly, "I have the late shift. I'll be home later tonight. Don't wait up for me though."

Meredith watched him leave and then walked into her small, empty apartment. She took a shower, knowing it was the only thing that was going to help her relax. She tried to wash away the feeling of Derek's hands all over her body, but she couldn't. After an hour-long shower, she decided it was a lost cause and got out of the shower. She dried her hair a little and then put on a pair of sweat pants and her Dartmouth tee shirt. She looked in the mirror and her suspicions were proven true: She looked like crap. She put her hair up in a loose ponytail and then left her bedroom.

She grabbed some ice cream and sat on the couch, noticing that this was becoming a habit for her. She turned on the television and The Notebook was on. "Sappy love movies and Ice cream. The perfect cure for anything," she thought to herself, hoping that that statement was truer than it seemed.

By the time the rain scene came along and Noah finally kissed Allie again, Meredith's ice cream was gone and she was half asleep on the couch. In New York it was raining too and Meredith began to think that it was very reflective of her current emotional state. She heard the front door open and the noise of the pouring rain became more distinct. She figured it was just Cristina coming back from where ever she went, but as the wet figure displayed themselves in front of Meredith, she knew she was all too wrong.

Meredith sat up fast, both shocked and scared. She looked at him for a moment, "What are you doing here?"

A puddle of water was beginning to form beneath the figure. The front door was still open; pouring water into the front hall of Meredith's apartment, but neither one of them seemed to notice that or the fierce claps of thunder and the bright shocks of lightning. He stood there for a moment trying to gather his words before responding to Meredith, "I can't let you go."

"Derek, if I remember correctly, you walked away. You stayed with your wife. You told me this was over that day in the stairwell. I've never ended this. You've always ended it," Meredith said obviously angry with Derek.

Derek ran his fingers through his dripping wet hair and continued to look at Meredith who seemed to becoming increasingly uncomfortable. He was at a loss for words and he knew no matter how many words he did come up with, they wouldn't change anything. Words were only words. They weren't much to Meredith. Derek began to walk across Meredith's living room towards her, leaving water everywhere in the process. Before Meredith had time to react, he grabbed her again and pulled her into a passionate kiss. At first it seemed to be full of hatred towards each other and themselves, but then ended up being full of love and desire.

Meredith's body was soaked after only a few minutes of being close to Derek, but she never felt a drop of water. All she could feel was Derek. She began to take off his dripping jacket and it fell back behind him. Meredith's hair fell down naturally and Derek entangled his fingers in it as he supported her body. She began to walk backwards and around the couch. Derek followed, almost without noticing the movement. They were both so involved in their kisses that they didn't really notice what else was going on.

Derek stopped Meredith from moving any farther as he began to take off the shirt he loved so much. Meredith instinctively removed the sweater he was wearing, making their bare skin meet. Meredith began moving backwards again as she unzipped his pants. By the time they reached her bedroom, they both were stripped of their clothing. Meredith fell back upon her bed and Derek pulled away from her for the first time. He looked into her beautiful eyes and took the whole moment in before saying anything. "I love you."

Meredith smiled and kissed him gently on the lips, "I love you too," she said as Derek pushed his body back down on the bed and they both forgot everything else in the world: except each other.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

**January 14, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith laid next to Derek, both breathless and panting. Derek turned his head and looked at Meredith. She turned hers to look at him. They easily became lost in each other's eyes. Meredith unexpectedly turned her head away from Derek, "Shit," she cursed as she got out of bed fast.

Derek sat up in bed and watched as Meredith wrapped a blanket around her and then ran out of the room. She came back seconds later with their clothes and threw Derek's at him. "What are you doing?" Derek asked.

"It's midnight," Meredith said as she put her pants on, "Jacob gets off at midnight, meaning he should be home in about ten minutes." She put her shirt on and noticed that Derek hadn't moved, "Get dressed!"

Derek obeyed and threw his clothes on as Meredith left the room. She came back still frustrated, "We never shut the door. My apartment is ruined."

Derek didn't care about her apartment. His mind was focused on something else, "Meredith? What does this mean?"

Meredith stopped running around for a moment and stood still. She looked at Derek, "If you ask me that one more time, I'll kill you." Derek was almost amused by her seriousness. She started running around again and left the room. Derek heard her shriek in the living room and he came running out. "We broke the vase! How could I have not heard that?" She said as she cleaned up the mess.

"Vase?"

"It was a housewarming gift from Jacob's Mother when we moved in together. I thought it was hideous, but it was from his Mom so we had to keep it," Meredith explained as she threw the broke glass in the garbage, "Jacob is going to want an explanation."

"He's a guy. He won't notice," Derek said as he picked up his still wet jacket.

Meredith finished cleaning up the vase and then looked at Derek, "Why are you still here?"

"What?"

"You have to leave before Jacob comes home. I can't deal with this right now. Maybe later, but not now," Meredith said as she pulled Derek over to the door. Before she opened it Derek looked at her again and pulled her into one more kiss. Meredith was about to get lost in it when she remembered that Jacob would be home soon. She pulled away from Derek, "You have to leave." Derek smiled at the similarities of this experience to the first night they spent together and he knew she was beginning to think the same thing. "Shut up." Derek opened the door and walked out, turning back to catch one more look of Meredith before she shut the door and he disappeared into the night's storm.

Minutes after Derek left the front door opened. Meredith unconsciously prayed that it was Derek coming back, but she knew it was Jacob. She was in the living room, still trying to clean everything up.

Jacob walked in and looked at her funny, "What the hell happened here?"

Meredith looked around the room for something, anything that would tell her what to say. No such luck. She looked down at the wet newspaper and then back up at Jacob, "I was asleep and I guess I didn't close the door all the way. It was open when I woke up and everything was wet," she lied.

Jacob looked around the apartment, "Are you sure you didn't close it all the way? Are you sure someone didn't try and break in?"

Meredith became a little concerned by his question, "No, it was me. I'm positive of it. No one would break in and leave a girl sleeping. Robbers don't do that," she said trying to cover her lies.

"We should just check around and make sure nothing is missing," Jacob said as he walked towards the back of the living room, "The vase. My Grandmother's vase is missing. They stole the vase."

"What?" Meredith asked. She didn't realize that the vase actually have sentimental value to it.

Jacob looked at Meredith with a worried look upon her vase, "That vase was my Grandmother's. It was worth money too. I'm calling the police," Jacob said as he headed towards the kitchen.

"No!" Meredith yelled.

Jacob turned around fast, surprised by Meredith's reaction, "What do you mean 'no'?" Meredith looked at Jacob and then sat down on the wet couch. Jacob walked over to her as she began to have flashbacks of the kissing that took place right in front of where she was sitting. Jacob sat down next to her. "Meredith? Why are you acting weird?"

"No one stole the vase. I accidentally broke it," Meredith said avoiding Jacob's eyes.

"What? How could you break that?" Jacob asked standing up, outraged.

"I didn't do it on purpose," Meredith said truthfully.

"But how? It was on the top shelf! How could you knock that down?" Jacob asked looking at Meredith for an explanation.

"I… I was dancing," Meredith said. She looked away for a moment gave herself a weird look wondering where in the world that came from.

"Dancing? How do you break a vase dancing? And since when do you randomly dance in our apartment?" Jacob asked obviously still mad.

"I just ran into the shelf and it fell. It was an accident, I promise," Meredith lied.

"Fine, it was just a vase," Jacob said calming down. "I'm just glad it wasn't someone coming into the house. They could have hurt you." Meredith was taken back by his sudden kindness. It was much easier to know that she had just had sex with Derek if Jacob was being an asshole, but it was really hard when Jacob was being sweet. "Come on, let's go to bed," Jacob said. Meredith got up and followed Jacob to their bedroom remembering the events that had just occurred there and that was all she thought about and dreamt about for the rest of the night.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

**January 14, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith woke up and found that Jacob had already gone. Cristina was sitting in the kitchen. Meredith poured them both some coffee and then sat down besides Cristina. "Care to explain why my 'bed' is soaking wet?"

"Oh… sorry about that," Meredith said.

"What happened here last night?" Cristina asked. Meredith told her the entire story. Cristina wasn't that surprised, but she was fairly proud of Derek for coming back to Meredith. "So you dance now?" Cristina asked after Meredith finished her story.

"What was I supposed to say to him? 'Uh, Jacob, I was trying to see if we could be candidates for Extreme Home Makeover...so I kinda went through and uh, messed things up a bit...just for dramatic flare...And of course I always wore my pants backward...what are you talking about?' Come on Cristina, he's not that stupid," Meredith said.

"You're pants were on backwards?" Cristina asked raising an eyebrow.

"You're missing the point!"

"No, Meredith I know the point. You're the one who has been missing the point since Derek got here," Cristina said.

"What are you talking about?"

"What the hell are you still doing in this apartment? You just had sex with Derek in the bed you share with Jacob. You told him you loved him, yet you are still in the apartment with Jacob. You are doing the exact thing that Derek did to you. He told you he wanted you and then stayed with Addison. Why the hell aren't you stopping this cycle that you two have going?" Cristina asked getting mad.

"Where did my Cristina go and who is this?" Meredith asked not appreciative of the new side of Cristina.

"This is Cristina. I haven't changed. You are the one that left everything. You left a big part of who you were in Seattle. You left Derek and whether you want to admit it, he is part of you now. You can't just go on without him."

"Since when have you been supportive of this? In Seattle you were telling me he was an ass and now you are here, defending him! You are supposed to be my person, not his!" Meredith said continuing the fight with Cristina.

"Well Derek happened to tell me where you were, which isn't something that you did, now is it?"

"Cristina that isn't fair!"

Cristina stood up and grabbed her jacket, "Life isn't fair, is it?" Then she walked out of the door, leaving Meredith alone in the apartment, raw with memories.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

**June 29,2006- Seattle, Washington**

_Meredith knocked on a very familiar door. She heard a voice from the other side and walked in. She knew this was going to be hard. This would finalize everything. Make all of her plans real. She sat down across from a solemn looking man. He almost seemed to be expecting what was about to happen or at least expecting something bad. Meredith cleared her throat before talking, "I need you to transfer me. I can't stay here anymore."_

_Richard Webber leaned back in his chair a little looking at the daughter of the one woman he ever truly loved. He couldn't let Meredith leave. It would just be repeating the past between him and Ellis. Even though Meredith would never admit it to him, he knew this had to do with Derek. It was always Derek with her. "I'm not sure if I can do that."_

_Meredith knew he wasn't going to agree easily. She had prepared herself for this. At least she had tried. She took a deep breath before continuing, "With all due respect sir, if you can't transfer me then I'll be forced to quit and just completely start over somewhere else."_

_Richard was a little surprised by Meredith's answer. He had thought for a moment that he may actually be able to talk her out of this, but what right did he have? As her boss he didn't have the right to be involved in her personal life. As the man who ruined her family, he didn't have the right to be involved in any part of her life. Richard's forehead wrinkled a little bit, letting Meredith know that he was thinking, "Any hospital would be lucky to have you. I know a few places that will gladly take you. What about Mercy West?"_

_Mercy West? That would just beat the point of transferring. Mercy West was still in Seattle. If Meredith was still in Seattle then she couldn't escape Derek or Addison. And soon she wouldn't be able to escape their child. "I need to get far. Any place on the east coast. Maybe Boston."_

_Richard was surprised that she wanted to go that far. She was serious about this. He couldn't figure out what happened to drive her to this. Richard sighed, "I'll find somewhere and get back to you." _

_"I need to know now. I need to leave as soon as possible," Meredith said fighting back tears. She was about to throw away everything she had been working for since she moved to Seattle. She tried to stop that train of thought. She knew that if she kept thinking about it, she would never be able to go through with it._

_Richard looked through a few papers while Meredith waited. "I can call the Chief at New York General. It's not Boston, but they will probably be willing to take you. You are very talented and have a lot more surgical experience than most interns at your level." Richard decided to flatter her. He might not have the chance to tell her that he was proud of her again and he knew no one else was telling her. _

_Meredith gave him a halfhearted smile, "Thank you." She stood up and walked out of the room. Richard sat back in his chair again and brought his hands to his face wondering if everything would have been different if he wouldn't of let Ellis go.

* * *

_

Meredith rolled over in bed, trying to get the memory out of her mind. She couldn't sleep. Her mind was too busy flashing through memories. Mainly bad memories. She wanted it to stop, but she had begun to notice that things don't stop when she wants them to.

* * *

_Meredith walked out of the office and down the hall. Life seemed to be moving in slow motion. She caught up with Bailey and everyone. Bailey looked at her, "Grey what's wrong with you?" Meredith looked at her, "Never mind, I don't want to know," Bailey said as she shook her head and led the interns down the hall._

_"What is wrong with you?" Cristina asked in a whisper as they followed Bailey._

_"Nothing," Meredith mumbled, unable to look at Cristina. _

_Bailey stopped walking and the interns did as well, "Grey you are in surgery with Burke's replacement Franks. Yang you are with Shepherd. Karev and O'Malley you are in the pit."_

_Meredith felt relieved that she wasn't with Derek. She hadn't told him her plans. They'd been spending some time together and she was enjoying it: she didn't have the heart to hurt him. She knew all of their moments were wrong. He was still married, but she couldn't help but take as many moments as she could while she had the chance, but now she had to get ready to leave. _

_She hurried towards the OR and found Dr. Franks already scrubbing in. She walked in the scrub room and smiled at him. "Hello Dr. Grey. Have you ever scrubbed in on one of these before?"_

_"Once," she said as she began to wash her hands, "But it was when I was first beginning so I wasn't able to do much. It was more of an observing surgery for me." She decided that if she just kept talking then maybe she could actually focus instead of thinking about Derek and her plans._

_"Well I'm sure you will be able to assist me a lot in this surgery," Dr. Franks said before he walked into the OR. Meredith smiled at him and then followed him inside._

_Meredith did the surgery almost completely solo, only receiving instructions from Dr. Franks. Although she never told anyone, she thought of it as the best way to end her career at Seattle Grace. She left the scrub room quickly after receiving a page from Dr. Webber. She knew it was going to either be him telling her that she could leave or telling her that New York didn't have room. She was really hoping they would take her as she walked into his office._

_Meredith sat down in the seat that she had been in only five hours earlier. Richard looked up at her and he looked as though he had aged during the one day. Meredith began to realize that this was stressing him. She almost felt bad, but then she thought back to what he had done and how he had ruined her family and then not came back for her Mom. The silence between the two was beginning to become unbearable for Meredith. She had to end it. "Am I going to be able to leave?"_

_Richard sighed and put his elbow on the desk that sat between them, "Meredith, I hope you know how much you will be missed around here; both on a professional level and a personal level. We've all enjoyed and benefited from having you here, but I understand that you need to do this for yourself. Just make sure that you are doing this for the right reasons and not the wrong."_

_Meredith listened to his words, but she didn't want to process them. If she did, she would be forced to think about her reasons and she didn't want to go there. She looked at Richard, "Am I going to be bale to leave?" she asked, repeating herself._

_Richard rubbed his forehead before turning his attention back to Meredith's question, "New York General will take you. They are going to have you get used to things with the new interns, but then you'll be put with people on your level. Their intern program starts in two days, so they want you there as soon as possible. You can leave tonight if you are ready. There is a plane leaving later."_

_Meredith swallowed and tried to smile, "Thank you very much. You have no idea how thankful I am. I'm already packed so I'll take that flight."_

_Richard nodded and Meredith stood up to leave, "Meredith, wait." Meredith turned around and looked at Richard, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to your family. To your mother." Meredith nodded and walked out, hoping that Derek would never have to say that to her children._

_Meredith headed back towards the board, knowing that she had one thing to do before she could leave. She looked at the board and saw that Derek was in surgery in the OR that had a gallery. She walked up the steps towards the gallery and saw that there were a lot of people inside. There weren't any seats left, so she just stood near the glass. She watched Derek, waiting for him to look up, knowing that he would eventually. When he did, he stopped the surgery for a moment, which turned everyone's attention to them. Meredith didn't want anyone to be able to hear her, so she hoped that Derek was still good at reading her lips. "Good-bye, Derek. I love you," she mouthed with a tear running down her cheek. Derek's eyes showed confusion and she turned around and walked out of the OR.

* * *

_

**January 14, 2007- New York City, New York**

**I'm having trouble sleeping  
You're jumping in my bed  
Twisting in my head  
Leave me**

Meredith opened her eyes, realizing that she had dozed off. She looked at the ceiling and realized that she could hear someone breathing. She looked next to her and saw Jacob. She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. "Dreaming?"

"Yeah," Meredith said even though all of her dreams seem to be memories.

"What about?"

"Seattle."

"Don't you mean, Derek?" Jacob said harshly.

**I'm having trouble breathing  
You're sitting on my chest  
I sure could use the rest  
Leave me**

Meredith looked at him funny, "No," she lied, "Just about me leaving it. It was hard. I loved Seattle." She tried to get Derek out of her head, but she couldn't. "I'm talking to Jacob. I need to be able to talk to him without Derek on my mind," she thought.

Jacob didn't seem convinced, "Then why did you leave?"

"I needed to."

"Why?"

Meredith sighed, "Jacob can we not do this right now? Me leaving Seattle isn't something I like to relive; in my dreams or through my own words."

"When are you just going to let me in?" Jacob asked getting impatient.

**It's you  
Why's it always you  
and never me?  
I've never dared to let  
my feelings free  
Why's it always you  
and never me?  
I've never cared too much about honesty**

"I have," Meredith said as she began to see images of the night before with Derek.

"Then how come you never were open about this Derek guy? Obviously he was a big part of your life. Otherwise why would everyone keep pushing you to go back to him?"

**I'm having trouble sleeping  
I'm thinking of what you said  
About the tears been shed  
Leave me**

Meredith turned her head away from Jacob, as she got lost in her own thoughts. Why was everyone pushing her to be with Derek? Before she couldn't get any type of support and now that's all anyone wants. Even Meg who wasn't there when she was with Derek. What was it about her and Derek that made everyone want them to be together so bad? No one seems to be able to accept the fact that maybe she doesn't want to be with Derek anymore. And even if she wants to be, what if she can't? Everyone just seems to be on Derek's side. It's like she's up against the world by herself, with no one at her side.

"Meredith?" Jacob said.

Meredith looked back at Jacob, "How much do you want to know?"

**It's you  
Now and always you  
but never me  
I've never dared to  
let my feelings free  
Why's it always you  
and never me?  
I've never cared  
too much about honesty**


	16. Chapter 16

**Just so you guys know, the italics in this one are Meredith's thoughts.**

**Thanks for reading!!!

* * *

**

Chapter 16:

**January 14, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

"Do you ever think about Meredith?" George asked sitting in Izzie's apartment.

"Every time I get my rent bill," she joked. She looked over at George and saw that he was serious. She stopped washing the few dirty dishes and sat down at the dimly lit table next to him. "Honestly George? I think about her all the time."

"I feel like we did something wrong. Like we weren't there for her enough. Friends are supposed to be there when things go wrong," George said.

"But everyone was too worried about me," Izzie confessed, "I don't know if she would have told us even if we had been focused on her. Meredith doesn't always tell us things. She wasn't going to tell us about Derek. She didn't tell us about her Mom."

"But that was when we were all still getting to know each other. Maybe if I hadn't flipped out after everything happened between us, she would have felt comfortable telling me," George said.

"George, how can anyone feel comfortable saying that they are leaving everything behind and not coming back?" Izzie asked.

* * *

**January 14, 2007- New York City, New York**

"Why is he here? Doesn't he get that you don't want anything to do with him?" Jacob asked after Meredith told him about everything with Derek.

_Maybe because I had sex with him last night and we made out in an elevator. _Meredith thought to herself before actually responding to Jacob. "Derek isn't the kind of man that gives up easily." _And he's not the kind of guy you give up if you don't have to._ Meredith began to remember her conversation with Mark when she had actually said that.

"He seems like he's given up before," Jacob said.

"I guess," Meredith said. _Well this isn't an awkward conversation at all. No, it just seems like I'm talking to Izzie and not my boyfriend of six months. No, that's not weird at all…_

"I'll talk to him. I'll tell him that you've moved on with me and that he needs to go back from where he came from," Jacob said as he got off the bed.

_Shit. Derek's going to kick his ass._ "You don't have to do that," Meredith said, "I can talk to him. I really have yet to actually talk to him since he got here. I haven't really explained things to him."

"No, this is what boyfriends do. I'll find him at the hospital," Jacob said walking out of the bedroom.

Meredith put her head back on her pillow and looked at the ceiling. _Shit.

* * *

_

Derek walked out of surgery, knowing he had to talk to Meredith. They always tend to forget the talking part. They're really good at the sex and love part, but talking? That doesn't seem to be their strong suit. Hence the reason that they ever fell apart to begin with. Granted this time Derek didn't have a hidden wife, Meredith just had a boyfriend that they were both very aware of.

Derek walked down the hall and ran into Meg. He still didn't know this girl very well, but it seemed to him that she was supportive of Derek, which he kind of found odd. "Hello, Dr. Lord."

"Dr. Shepherd," Meg said, "So how are things with Meredith? She didn't come in today and she hasn't been very talkative with me lately."

"I think Meredith and I will be okay. It'll take a lot of work and well this Jacob guy is still in the picture, but I think I might be able to get her to come home," Derek said with a smile.

"That's the downside," Meg said, "She has to leave New York."

"Sorry. I understand you guys are good friends, but Meredith's life is in Seattle. All of her other friends, the job that she loved, her Mother, and well me," Derek said realizing that this must suck for Meg.

"Yeah, I get it. I just hope when she leaves, she treats me better then she did her friends in Seattle," Meg said.

"Meredith was scared then. This time she'll be leaving on good terms and she won't be running away from anything," Derek said before he walked away from Meg, to get ready to leave the hospital.

* * *

**Digging a hole and the walls are caving in  
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying  
I'm breathing in  
Come find me  
It hasn't felt like this before  
It hasn't felt like home before you**

Meredith knew that she should probably get out of bed, considering the fact that she'd been there all day, but she couldn't make herself. Her pillow still smelt like Derek and she didn't want to risk the scent going away. She was beginning to confuse herself. When she was with Jacob, she wanted to be with Jacob and when she was with Derek, she wanted to be with Derek. She couldn't decide which one she actually wanted. She probably should take in consideration that she couldn't get Derek's face out of her mind, but she could easily forget about Jacob, but then again she wasn't completely ready to admit that. After all, Meredith always has been the Queen of denial.

**And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel  
This way  
And I miss you more than I should  
Than I thought I could  
Can't get my mind off of you**

Meredith wasn't proud of it, but she had to admit that ever since she left Seattle, she's thought about Derek every night before she's drifted off to sleep. She's even dreamed about him most nights. Mainly it was just dreams of happy memories, but they still continued to play in her mind.

**I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it  
That's part of it all  
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall  
It hasn't felt like this before  
It hasn't felt like home before you  
****And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel  
This way  
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could  
Can't get my mind off of you**

Meredith decided that she had to be honest with herself. She told Derek that she loved him. That meant that she did, right? Yes, okay it does. She loved him. And she missed Seattle. But what happens if she goes back with him and Addison shows up? Or some other wife or secret that he hasn't told her yet? What then?

**And I hate the phone  
But I wish you'd call  
Thought being alone  
Was better than was better than**

Meredith began to notice how much time she had been spending alone. She would spend the late nights and the mornings with Jacob, but the rest of the day she was genrally alone, especially lately. She had stopped hanging out with Meg since Derek got here and turned everything upside down. But for some reason, she couldn't help but feel happy that he did.

Right as she thought that, she heard her front door open. She was a little anxious to see Jacob, just to see how many times Derek punched him before he gave up. She stayed in bed, knowing that he'd come back there: especially if he was bleeding. Evern though she wanted to see what had happened to him, she really didn't want to talk to him. Solution? Pretending to be asleep. Meredith pulled the covers over her again and closed her eyes. She heard his foot steps coming closer. She could tell that he was in the room and then they stopped. She waited for them to start again, but they didn't.

**And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way  
And I miss you more than I should  
Than I thought I could  
Can't get my mind off of you  
Can't get my mind off of you**

She opened her eyes slighty just to get a peak and she saw two legs in front of her. She opened her eyes further and her eyes followed the man up from his legs, to his chest, to his smile, to his eyes, and then his hair. "Derek?" Meredith asked.

Derek had a childish grin on his face, "Did you really think you could fooll me? You are horrible fake sleeper."

Meredith sat up and looked at him, him and his smile. He leaned over towards her and kissed her. He planned it as a gentle, quick kiss, but Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on the bed with her, realizing how much she really did miss him after she left.

**And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel  
This way  
And I miss you more than I should  
Than I thought I could  
Can't get my mind off of you**


	17. Chapter 17

**Just so you know, the italics are Meredith's thoughts!****

* * *

**

Chapter 17:

**January 14, 2007- New York City, New York**

Jacob parked his car at New York General and went inside. He had one thing and his mind and that was to set Derek straight. He walked up to the receptionist, "Hello, can I speak to Dr. Shepherd?"

"Dr. Shepherd already left, I'm sorry," she answered.

Jacob sighed, "Thank you anyways." He turned around and went back to his car. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. On his way there, he looked at the clock. Realizing it was almost dinner time, he stopped and got some food for him and Meredith.

* * *

He parked his car and walked up to his front door. The door was cracked open a little bit. Jacob found it a little odd that the door was open again. He walked in and closed the door behind him, making sure that it was actually closed and then headed for the kitchen. He heard some noise and figured that Meredith was 'dancing' again. He placed the food down and walked towards his bedroom. He opened the door and everything fell silent. He opened the door slowly and saw Meredith wrapped in a sheet with a worried look on her face.

"Ouch, shit." Meredith and Jacob both turned their heads towards the closed bathroom door after hearing a thud and then some mumbled words.

"Meredith?" Jacob asked, slowly piecing together the puzzle, "Who is in the bathroom?"

"Cristina," Meredith lied.

"Cristina?" Jacob asked, not convinced.

"Yes, Cristina."

They heard the front door open, "I smell food. Thank god. I'm starving," Cristina said as she walked over to Meredith and Jacob. She took a momemt and looked at Jacob and his confused expression. Then she looked at Meredith with her messed up hair and the white sheet wrapped around her small body. "Oh, this is going to be good."

"What are you talking about?" Jacob asked looking at Cristina and then turning his attention to Meredith, "What am I missing here? Who really is in there?"

Meredith looked between Cristina and Jacob, back and forth. "I… ummm…" The phone rang, taking Jacob's attention away from Meredith for a moment. He gave her a funny look and then walked to the kitchen to answer the phone.

"You are so screwed. Literally," Cristina said, obviously enjoying seeing Meredith in such a compromising situation.

"Shut up," Meredith said slamming the bedroom door in her face. She went over to the bed and picked up her clothes. She got dressed quickly and then picked up Derek's clothes. She opened the bathroom door and threw them at him. She walked in and closed the door behind her. "Now he knows that someone is in here," Meredith whispered as he got dressed.

"Well talking to me isn't really denying it, is it?" Derek whispered back.

"Would you rather me leave you in here, naked? If Jacob is going to walk in on you, I would much rather you be dressed," Meredith said.

"What are you ashamed of me?" Derek asked walking closer to Meredith with a wicked grin on his face.

Meredith backed up to the door as Derek continued to walk close to her, "You can't kiss me. My boyfriend is in this apartment. Probably walking closer as we speak."

"Boyfriend? Do you really think he still is your boyfriend?" Derek asked putting one hand on the door next to Meredith's face.

"I hate you. You've made me part of two affairs. Two. That is horrible," Meredith said, unable to stop smiling.

"Oh I think you've enjoyed it," Derek said as he kissed her.

"Meredith?" Jacob yelled from the kitchen. Derek pulled away as Meredith quietly cursed her so called, 'boyfriend.'

"Don't go anywhere," Meredith said as she walked out of the bathroom. She walked into the kitchen and saw a smiling Cristina and Jacob who still had a confused look on his face. "What did you need Jacob?"

"You old boss is on the phone. He says it's urgent," Jacob said handing her the phone.

Meredith gave him a small smile, "Thanks." She took the phone and walked back into the bedroom.

* * *

Derek sat in the bathroom, waiting. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but it was all he could do. He heard the bedroom door open and close. He could hear a voice. It was low and muffled, but he could easily tell that it was her. She sounded worried. After about five minutes, Derek heard the phone click off and a thud on the bed. He wanted to see what was going on, but he kept waiting. Then he started to hear Meredith's quiet sobs. He couldn't wait any longer. He opened the bathroom door at the same time that the bedroom door opened and he locked eyes with Jacob.

Derek looked away from Jacob and hurried over towards Meredith. Her face was in her pillow and she was curled in a tight ball. He sat on the bed and pulled her on to his lap, wrapping his arms around her. As she cried into his chest, he mumbled sweet words into her ears and slowly brushed his fingers through her tangled hair. Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek and they both completely forgot that they had an audience standing at the bedroom door.

"What the hell are you doing here? In my bed? Holding my girlfriend?" Jacob asked walking closer to them.

"I knew this was going to be good," Cristina said from the kitchen after hearing Jacob. She walked over to them and saw Meredith crying, "Okay, Did I miss something?"

"Meredith, why are you crying?" Jacob asked.

"Just leave her alone. Leave us alone," Derek said quietly as if not to disturb Meredith.

"I want to know what's wrong with _my_ girlfriend," Jacob said empasizing the word _my._

"Dude, she's so not your girlfriend anymore. Where have you been?" Cristina said, but was ignored.

"Just leave her alone. She'll talk when she's ready," Derek said still holding her tightly as her sobs slowed down.

"You need to get out. This is my apartment. Get out," Jacob said forcefully.

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek said as he lightly kissed Meredith's hair.

"Get out or I'll call the police," Jacob said.

"Go ahead," Derek said, not caring.

"You need to get the hell out and let go of my fucking girlfriend!" Jacob yelled.

"Just shut the hell up, Jacob!" Meredith yelled, shocking everyone.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Derek asked sweetly.

"Get out of my apartment," Jacob continued.

"I'll be okay," Meredith said ignoring Jacob, "You probably should go. I should deal with this."

"Are you sure?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith said quietly as she moved away from Derek and stood on the opposite side of the bed from Jacob, "I have Cristina." Cristina smiled at her comment.

"Okay," Derek said as he got up. He walked towards Meredith and gently caressed her cheek and gave her a light kiss on the forehead before grabbing his jacket and walking out.

"Could you leave too?" Jacob said to Cristina.

"Dude, you really don't want to mess with me," Cristina said.

"That's not a really good idea, Jacob, but Cristina just wait in the living room, okay?" Meredith said.

"Fine, but if you do anything stupid, I'll kick your ass. Meredith never let me kick McDreamy's but I'm sure she'll let me kick McMoron. Yup Derek is no longer McMoron. That would be you now," Cristina said before leaving.

Meredith had to smile at Cristina's comment, but she sighed again as soon as Jacob looked back at her. "I don't even want to know what that was about. I get that you had a serious relationship with him and you loved him. That's hard to get over."

_Why is he not yelling at me? Isn't he supposed to yell? Is he forgiving me for cheating on him? I didn't even ask for his forgiveness! What the hell is wrong with him? _"What Derek and I did was wrong," Meredith said, "But I can't say that I regret it."

"I understand. Closure. You both needed it," Jacob said as he walked over to Meredith.

_Closure? What the hell are you talking about? I'm sorry, but closure is not that good. Ever. Actually, nothing is that good. Focus Meredith. _"I don't think you understand."

"No, I understand. It's okay. I still love you," Jacob said as he put his arm around her and brought her into a hug.

_He's hugging me? Why do I always date the morons? You've got to be kidding me. Why did I tell Derek to leave? I want Derek again. I want my McDreamy. Meredith, focus on the guy hugging you, not the guy you just had sex with. _"Jacob, I really don't think you understand."

"We will work through this Meredith. This is what love is about. Working through the hard times. If you want a rainbow, you have to deal with the rain," Jacob said as he lay on the bed. "Come on, let's just go to bed early. We've both had stressful days."

_Rainbow? Did he seriously just say that? Seriously? Wow… And why would I lay in the bed with you? I just had sex in that bed with Derek. I don't want to lay in there with you. That's just weird._

"Come on Meredith. We can deal with everything tomorrow," Jacob said as he turned off the lights and pulled Meredith towards him.

She laid down on her side of the bed as Jacob slowly went to sleep on the other side. _What the hell is wrong with me? Some of his moronness must be rubbing off on me. I'm in this bed with him, aren't I? This is just wrong on so many levels. He thinks he had a stressful day? What about mine? But I guess every day is stressful if you are living in denial. Wait isn't the saying 'Ignorance is bliss?' Then how is he having a stressful day? He is way to blind to be having a stressful day. Oh god, now he's snoring…_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

**November 9,1993- Boston, Massachusetts**

_Meredith sat on the bottom step of the staircase in her Boston home. She looked at her watch; it was past two in the morning. She looked at the door and then back to her watch as the second hand continued to move. "So much for dinner at seven," Meredith said as she walked up the steps to the pitch black upstairs. She turned on the hall light and the overhead hall light illuminated the frames of her school pictures. Meredith didn't pay attention to them as she walked into her bedroom. There were books and papers all over the floor and an unmade bed._

_Meredith looked at the room unimpressed. She walked past the books and fell on her bed. She lifted the edge of her mattress and found a few pictures. She looked at them longingly. They were pictures of a family: a family that no longer existed. It had been Christmas time. She was two years old. Meredith was sitting on her father's lap as she opened a present with the help of her mother. Meredith put the picture back and looked at her pillow. Under it was a tattered pink blanket. It was hand knitted and had her name crocheted into the bottom in cursive letters. _

_Meredith picked it up and laid down on her comfortable bed. She snuggled into the blanket and pulled her comforter over her small body. She heard a car engine shut off and a car door slam. Then the front door opened followed by slow steps up the stairs. Her door opened farther as a tired woman walked in._

"_I'm sorry Meredith."_

"_Sure you are," Meredith said without looking up._

"_What did you say?" the woman asked, not pleased with Meredith's response._

"_Did you really think I would believe you?" Meredith asked as she sat up in bed and looked at her mother, "You've done the same thing at every holiday and birthday since we moved here. I'm not stupid."_

"_Meredith, you do not understand."_

"_Yes I do. Everyone else in the world is more important than me. That's all there is to it," Meredith said as she laid back down and snuggled close to her blanket._

"_That is selfish Meredith," her mother said. Meredith didn't respond, so Ellis turned to walk out._

"_I hate you," Meredith mumbled under her breath. Ellis turned around to say something, but stopped herself and walked out, closing the door behind her.

* * *

_

**January 15, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith woke up and sat up in bed. Jacob was still snoring and it was well past two in the morning. Meredith thought back towards her memory and the phone call she got that evening. Then she broke down and cried all over again. Only this time, she didn't have Derek to make it better.

"You are so messed up," Cristina said the next morning.

"What?"

"You slept with two men in the same bed on the same day," Cristina said taking a sip of her coffee.

"I didn't sleep with him. Well I slept in the same bed as him, but I didn't sleep with him," Meredith said.

"Why? I don't think McDreamy is going to be very happy about it."

"What was I supposed to do? Jacob was being all freaky. You don't mess with freaky men, Cristina. You may not live to tell about it," Meredith said as she walked into the living room and sat down.

"So are you coming back to Seattle because I'm really not liking this no surgery thing," Cristina said as she sat down with Meredith.

"I have to now," Meredith said, not looking happy.

"Because of Derek?"

"No."

"Then what?" Cristina asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Meredith said as she turned on the television.

"For surgeons. We've been watching way too much tv lately. I think it's messing with our heads," Cristina said receiving a nod from Meredith.

* * *

Meredith got a shower and got dressed after making plans with Derek to meet in public so they could actually talk. She figured being in public was the only way to ensure the fact that they would talk. She decided that she would deal with Jacob later. He was just too weird to deal with in the mornings, besides he had to go to work.

The place that Meredith and him were meeting at wasn't far from her apartment, so she just decided to walk there. It was a nice day anyways and she figured she needed to fresh air. As she turned the corner at the end of her street she swore she saw a familiar face walk past her. She ignored it and kept walking.

"Was that the famous Meredith Grey?" she heard from a voice behind her. She turned around and smiled.

"Yes it is," she said as she walked back a few feet.

"What are you doing here in New York?"

"I live here. I have for six months," Meredith said.

"Six months and the dirty mistresses are just now meeting?"

"I am not a dirty mistress. Derek divorced Addison," Meredith said thinking that actually Derek could be considered a dirty mistress now.

"Really?" Mark asked sounding interested. Meredith gave him an odd look and he knew what she was thinking, "No. I'm done with Addison. I'm seeing someone actually."

"That's great," Meredith said actually happy for him.

"Yeah so what have you been doing in New York?" Mark asked.

"Just running away from my problems. But my problems tend to follow me across the country," Meredith said.

"Derek followed you? I'm proud of him. He didn't let you go again. Maybe he still is the smart one out of us two," Mark said with a grin.

"Well actually I was on my way to meet him, so I have to go," Meredith said.

"We should have dinner some time. Catch up," Mark said, "Here's my number." He pulled a receipt out of his pocket and scribbled his number on it. "Call me and we can plan something."

"Okay, I'll do that. Bye Mark," Meredith said as she turned around and headed towards the restaurant.

"Bye Meredith."

* * *

Meredith hurried over to the restaurant, knowing that she was going to be late and that Derek would be waiting. She walked into the small place and saw Derek sitting near a window, reading the paper. She smiled and walked over to him and sat down.

"Hello," he said with a smile as he handed her the menu that she gladly took. "So we're going to talk?"

"Yes. Talk."

"We never seemed that good at the talking part. Every other part we were always good at," Derek said with a smile. Meredith knew exactly what he was referring to.

"Yes, but last time we didn't talk and you turned out to be married," she said harshly, showing Derek that she still hadn't completely forgiven him for that.

"Okay well then maybe we should talk," Derek said agreeing with her, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Rules."

"Rules?" Derek asked.

"We were supposed to make rules the night that Addison came," Meredith said still not happy about that memory. "We never were able to, but now we have to."

"Okay, rules."

"First of all, honesty. If you have any other freakish secrets, you better tell me now. If I can forgive you for being married then I guess I can basically forgive you for any other secret as long as you are up front about it, but if you hide something from me again, then I won't forgive you," Meredith said continuing to make Derek feel worse as the conversation went on.

"I don't have any old skeletons in my closet," Derek said, "But have you talked to Jacob?"

"I tried, but I couldn't. Then he was gone when I woke up this morning. I'll do it later," Meredith said convincing herself that she would.

"Later?" Derek asked, obviously not as convinced as she was.

"Okay rule number two. Since neither one of us have any other skeletons, we have to be able to trust each other. Trust about everything. You can't have a relationship without trust," Meredith said.

"Fine. I trust that you'll talk to Jacob _tonight_," Derek said emphasizing the word _tonight_.

"What can I get for you two?" a waitress said as she walked up to their table.

"I'll just have coffee right now," Meredith said and Derek agreed before the waitress walked off.

"What took you so long to get here?" Derek asked.

"Okay because we trust each other I'm not going to lie to you, okay?" Meredith said as she began to worry Derek. "I saw someone I knew on the way and I stopped to talk to him."

"Him?"

"Yes him."

"Does this him have a name?" Derek asked.

"Mark," Meredith said. She knew before she even spoke the word that Derek was going to get upset. No matter how much he trusted her, he didn't trust him.

"Stay away from Mark. I don't want you around him," Derek said forcefully.

"Derek, I'm not Addison. I'm not going to go sleep with him," Meredith said before thinking about how those words would make Derek relive some memories that he would much rather forget.

"Just stay away from him."

"Derek, I wanted to spend the day with you, but I'm not going to sit here and have you act like I'm some slut who is going to sleep with any man who hits on her. I have enough going on in my head and I don't need to add that to it," Meredith said before getting up.

"Meredith, wait," Derek said as she turned around, "You've just got to understand. I just don't want the one person I hate and the one person I love to be near each other. I don't want to lose you."

"No one is ever going to take me away from you, no one ever did. The only reason we've ever been apart is because of you," Meredith said before walking out. She walked back home, slowly. She knew she shouldn't have walked out on Derek, but she just couldn't handle to have anyone else talking down to her. Talking to her as if she couldn't be trusted. As if she was just some child who was bound to make a mistake even if she went out of her way to make sure that she didn't. She was just too tired to handle this. She hadn't had a good night's sleep in days and she really didn't think she was going to start having them now.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

**May 29, 1997- Boston, Massachusetts**

"_Are you excited? You are graduating high school today!" Ellis said after waking up her daughter._

"_Do I have to go? I really don't want to go on stage and act like I actually liked anything or anyone in high school," Meredith said as she stumbled out of bed._

"_Of course you do! And afterwards we can go out for dinner. We can celebrate," Ellis said actually sounding sincere._

"_Really?" Meredith asked as her face lit her. Her mother nodded and Meredith suddenly got a bust of energy and was ready to graduate._

"_Meredith Grey," the announcer said as the long drawn out applause continued. No one was actually cheering for anyone special anymore. All of the claps and cheers were just smearing together. Meredith walked on stage and actually had an unexpected smile upon her face. She shook her principal's hand and took her diploma. As she walked across the stage to go back to her seat, she looked out at the large crowd. She had seen her mother sit down so she knew exactly where to look. All Meredith wanted to see was her mother's face. Smiling. Proud. For once, maybe her mother would be proud. _

_As she reached the steps on the other side of the stage her eyes fell upon one empty seat. Almost every seat in the auditorium was taken. Except that one. The program with everyone's names inside was on top of the seat. Meredith knew what had happened. Her mother had left. She had left to save someone else's life instead of paying attention to her own daughter's._

_Meredith sat down in between two other classmates. She didn't really like either one of them and they were luckily too involved in their own cheering to notice her unusual silence. She wiped a tear from her eye. She didn't know why she was upset. This was nothing new. Just another day, another disappointment, and another broken promise.

* * *

_

**January 15, 2007- New York City, New York**

Meredith's eyes fluttered open. She could feel the warmth of skin against her cheek and the slowly rise and fall of breathing. Her fingertips slowly grazed the skin and she immediately knew who it belonged to. She pulled her head away and looked at Derek's face. Lately he always seemed to be beside her and she was really beginning to get used to it.

"I just thought you shouldn't be alone. You were upset last night and I know you haven't dealt with it. I knew your dreams would haunt you," Derek said as he gently grazed her hair with his fingertips.

Meredith smiled at him. "How'd you get in?"

"Not only are you bad at closing the door, but you also tend to forget to lock it. That might not be the best thing to do when you live in New York City. It's just a suggestion," Derek said smiling as Meredith cuddled close to him again. "I'm sorry about that. I just hate Mark so much."

"I know, but I love you and besides, Mark has a girlfriend."

"Really?"

"That's what he said at least," Meredith said leading them back into a silence. Not an awkward silence, a comfortable one. The kind that you don't want to break even if you have words just sitting on the tip of your tongue.

Despite how Derek could just sit here caressing Meredith's hair and feeling her fingertips slowly run against his skin, he knew that he had to get Meredith to talk. If he didn't, she would just hold it all in until she got hold of a bottle of tequila and he really didn't want to have to talk to her about it once she had consumed that much tequila. "What was that phone call about?"

"It was from the Chief," Meredith mumbled, knowing that this conversation was not going to be one that she enjoyed. "It was about my mother." Derek began to have a feeling where this was going as he felt Meredith tense up and her fingers pause. "I haven't seen her in over six months. I just left her there. I didn't ever say good-bye to my own mother. I just kept sending in the payments to the nursing home." Meredith stopped talking for a moment, but Derek didn't say a word. He knew she was thinking and deciding how she was going to say what was on her mind. He knew he needed to give her time. "The nursing home called Richard. They called him and not me because he was the only one who visited her. He visited her everyday and it seemed like I had just fallen off a cliff. They didn't even both to call her own daughter," Meredith said as tears began to fall down her face, landing in a small puddle on Derek's chest.

"It's okay," he whispered into her ear as he pulled her closer into his body, trying to comfort her in any way he could.

"I'm a horrible daughter. I was on the other side of the country too busy with my own life to be there for my Mom. I was so consumed in my own problems that they didn't even think I was important enough to call when she died," Meredith said crying harder into Derek.

Derek held Meredith tightly without saying a word, almost afraid of making her feel worse. She only let her guard down like this sometimes and it was usually when they were on bad terms and he had made her feel this way. She was showing him and practically telling him that she was flawed, but he couldn't help but feel like he was falling even more in love with her, if that was possible.

Derek had to fight back the urge to kiss her. He wanted to so badly, but she needed this time for herself. As soon as that thought passed through his mind, Meredith pulled herself away from him so that she could look at him. Her tear-stained face broke his heart. She wiped away a tear and kissed him gently. She pulled away again and whispered into his ear, "Thank you. Thank you for being here this time."

Derek smiled thinking back to the elevator when in between tears she had asked him why he hadn't been there for her. Apparently, he was finally figuring out how to do this right: how to be with Meredith and not screw it up. He looked into Meredith's eyes and got lost in them as a small smile crept upon her face. He pulled her back down on him and kissed her.

Derek wanted her so badly, but he kept telling himself to wait. He needed to let her recover from this whole thing. She had to deal with her emotional issues with her Mother first. Derek kept telling himself those things, but as her lips grazed his, every thought other then her kiss slipped his mind.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

**January 15, 2007- New York City, New York**

"We have got to stop doing that," Meredith said out of breath laying next to Derek.

"What?" he asked both confused and worried.

"Having sex in the bed I shared with another man. It's weird. And not to mention, wrong," she said turning towards him.

"Oh," Derek said exhaling calmly, "I thought you were going to end the sex all together."

"That's not even funny to joke about."

Derek laughed, "You have no self control. It's sad. Really."

"We should get out of here," Derek said after cuddling with Meredith for awhile.

"What? It's my apartment. Jacob couldn't pay for it if he wanted to," Meredith responded.

"No, New York. We should go back to Seattle. Go back home and be together there," Derek said.

Meredith smiled at the idea. "I don't think the Chief is going to let that happen. I can't switch twice during my residency. I was lucky to be able to switch once."

"He can't say 'no' to you. He owes you too much," Derek said. Meredith had to agree with him about that. Besides, Cristina needed to go home. She was going crazy without surgery and her shopping bags were beginning to clutter Meredith's living room. "I'll talk to him. If he declines, then I can 'remind' him of his past. You're too nice to do that. But I'm not."

"I'm too nice?" Meredith asked.

"Just enjoy the compliment. It's not one that you'll get often," Derek said with a smirk.

"Hey, that's mean!"

"I said you were nice. Not me."

* * *

**January 16, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

It was early and very dark. Meredith couldn't believe that she had seriously just done that. It was completely unlike her. Even as unbelievable as it may be, she couldn't help but be glad she had. She walked across the grass towards her new home. She'd been here a million times before, but this time seemed different. This time not only was she not alone, but she wasn't hurt. She was actually happy. She stopped and looked at her home. It was simple and wouldn't impress other people, but to her, to her it was the best place in the world.

She felt a strong hand wrap around her waist. She looked up and caught sight of deep blue eyes and an amazing smile. She smiled back before she brought her lips to meet his. It was a quick kiss. A quick kiss that was quickly becoming a habit. A habit that she planned to keep for the rest of her life. The hand moved from her waist down to her fingers. Hand in hand, the two walked up the steps and then into their trailer.

The trailer looked different. Everything was different about it. Derek had redone everything. Not a single piece of furniture in there was the same as the last time Meredith had seen it. Not even the seats were the same. Meredith looked around the trailer, taking in its new appearance before looking at Derek, "Why?"

Derek knew what she meant right away. He smiled, "I didn't want it to be anything like it was when Addison was here. I thought about just buying a new trailer, but then I had memories of you in here too and for six months all I could hold on to were memories."

Meredith thought about the fact that she had left for six months. She thought about the fact that she had just left one night without telling anyone and it seemed to be the biggest mistake she'd ever made even though it had felt like the only option then. What if she had just done the same thing again?

"I'm so glad you're back. You're back home," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around Meredith. He just wanted to hold her and never let go. It seemed like whenever he did let go she got away and he didn't think that he could handle that happening again.

Meredith pulled away from Derek's chest, but held his hand and led him to the bed. He laid down and she did too, placing her head on his chest, never letting go of his hand. "Let's just lay here tonight," Meredith said.

"Okay," Derek said. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently before putting both of their hands back on the mattress and soon they were both asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

**January 16, 2007- Seattle, Washington  
(When I first saw you,  
I saw love.  
And the first time you touched me,  
I felt love.  
And after all this time,  
you're still the one I love.)**

Meredith woke up to the smell of coffee brewing. She reached for Derek and noticed he wasn't at her side anymore. She slowly got up realizing he had placed a blanket over in while she was sleeping. She looked around the trailer and didn't see him. The cool air of the afternoon blew through the trailer as Meredith wrapped the blanket around her body again. She got up and made her way to the front of trailer, looking for Derek. Out through the window, she saw the back of him sitting in a chair looking out over the water. She opened the trailer door and walked over to him, curling up in the chair next to him.

**Looks like we made it  
Look how far we've come my baby  
We mighta took the long way  
We knew we'd get there someday**

Derek smiled at her as she sat down and motioned for her to come over to him. She got up and sat down on his lap, curling up to his chest for warmth. She kissed his neck gently and he brushed her tangled hair between his fingers. He looked out over the water and thought about how his life. Right now, he couldn't find a single thing wrong with it.

**They said, "I bet they'll never make it"  
But just look at us holding on  
We're still together still going strong**

"I love you," Meredith said to him, lifting her head off of his chest to look into his eyes.

"I love you too."

"I'm glad I'm back. Everything is going to be okay now. I have you again," Meredith said smiling.

**(You're still the one)  
You're still the one I run to  
The one that I belong to  
You're still the one I want for life  
(You're still the one)  
You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of  
You're still the one I kiss good night**

"Now I've lived a fairytale," Meredith said laughing a little at her remark.

"Only, you don't have Prince Charming," Derek said, "You have Prince McDreamy." He wrapped his hand around the back of her head and brought her close to him for a kiss.

**Ain't nothing better  
We beat the odds together  
I'm glad we didn't listen  
Look at what we would be missin'**

"I can't believe I missed this for six months. All of this, everything," Meredith said.

"I can't believe I didn't have you for six months."

**They said, "I bet they'll never make it"  
But just look at us holding on  
We're still together still going strong**

A comfortable silence settled between them. The type of silence that despite all the words you could be saying, none of them left your mouth because you didn't want to be the one to ruin it. Meredith grasped his hand gently and entangled their fingers. As Derek's eyes seemed to have fallen on the water, she focused on their fingers, gently moving and grazing each other. Derek knew Meredith thought he wasn't watching her, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He loved every aspect of her, everything that made her Meredith.

**(You're still the one)  
You're still the one I run to  
The one that I belong to  
You're still the one I want for life  
(You're still the one)  
You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of  
You're still the one I kiss good night**

Meredith still couldn't find the logic she just had behind her reason to leave. She had never felt so comfortable and content in the simple life before her. Living in a trailer with the man she loved despite his amazing salary. She couldn't find anything better than this even though every one else will think she's crazy, she doesn't care. She loves Derek and to her, that's all that matters.

**(You're still the one)  
You're still the one I run to  
The one that I belong to  
You're still the one I want for life  
(You're still the one)  
You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of  
You're still the one I kiss good night**

Derek watched Meredith's hair flutter in the wind and her body gently shake in the cold. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, letting go of her fingers. He kissed her hair as she began to look over the water and see the beauty in it. He loved enjoying this with her. He loved watching the water in a silence so full of emotion it could explode, with her and only her. And without another care in the world.

**I'm so glad we made it  
Look how far we've come by baby**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

**January 17, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith walked up the stairs of an apartment building she'd never been to before. Derek said that Izzie had moved in after she and George sold the house for Meredith. He said that George had moved in with Callie, but they broke up a few weeks ago and he was staying with Izzie. As odd as Meredith found it that Derek knew all of this information, she took it thankfully and walked up to the door. Derek had offered to come with her, but she needed to do it herself. She had left her friends without any words or explanations and now she was back.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Meredith heard the moving foot steps coming towards the door and she got an overwhelming urge to run back down the stairs and get into Derek's car and drive off, but she knew she couldn't do that. If all went well she'd be back under Bailey's watch, working with Izzie, Cristina, George, and Alex soon and she didn't want it to be awkward. Well any more awkward than her life usually was.

The door opened and Meredith didn't move. Actually, she was pretty sure that she looked as though she'd just been petrified. Izzie quickly returned the same look. The silence was just the thing that Meredith had been trying to avoid: awkward. Once Izzie spoke however, Meredith began to prefer the silence.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Meredith was speechless. She knew the cold, bitter, pissed off Izzie was going to come eventually, but she had just hoped that the loving, compassionate, forgiving Izzie would come first. Apparently not everything in your life can go right all in the same day. Meredith decided to smile a little, receiving a glare from Izzie.

"I'm back," she decided to say. What else could she say?

"I can see that. Why?" Izzie asked as if Meredith had no business being in Seattle, let along on her doorstep.

"Derek brought me back," Meredith said sighing.

"It's all about Derek isn't it? You drop everything for him. You left because of him and now your back. I bet you didn't tell your friends in New York that you came back didn't you? I'll have to call them. We'd be able to relate nicely," Izzie said harshly. Much more harsh than Meredith had ever expected. It was almost like she was talking to a pissed off Cristina. That reminded her: Cristina. She was so screwed.

"Izzie, you don't understand."

"You're right, I don't. What to know why? Because you never gave me the chance to understand. You never told me enough for me to understand. You just immediately assumed that because my name was not Derek or Cristina, I couldn't understand."

"Cristina didn't know I was leaving either," Meredith said, pointing out the fact.

"She didn't seem surprised."

"She probably guess it," Meredith said not surprised. Cristina seemed to just 'get' Meredith sometimes.

"Izzie? Who's at the door?" a voice in the back room said. Izzie looked back and Meredith immediately recognized the voice: George.

George walked out of an opened door. His hair was disheveled and he was wearing sweat pants and a gray tee shirt. After living with him for over a year, Meredith was used to seeing him like this. It was basically his pajamas. She smiled at the familiarity before George even looked up to see who it was. Izzie gave Meredith one more glare and then moved away from the door to let George easily see.

His head lifted up and his eyes looked Meredith up and down, not believing she was real. Meredith stood there uncomfortably as George rubbed his eyes, hoping that she wouldn't disappear when he looked again. George walked closer, still not saying anything. He seemed to be completely in a daze. Izzie gave him a freaked out look and he didn't take the time to notice: he was too fixated on Meredith.

"George?" Meredith asked getting a little freaked out.

George finally reached the door and stopped. He looked at Meredith for a moment and then slammed the door in her face.

Meredith stood in the hallway, quietly tapping her foot. She focused on the quiet noise as it echoed through the almost silent apartment building. She kept thinking about the constant, steady rhythm, trying to ignore the tears she was fighting. She had never completely thought about what she had done to George and Izzie. Whenever she had thought about leaving Seattle, her mind turned to Derek. She thought once or twice about Cristina, but she only thought about Izzie and George when Richard had called and told her that they had sold the house for her like she had wanted. Meredith began to find it odd that she had kept in touch with Richard, but not her friends. She kept in touch with the man that broke her family and not the people that had given her another one.

Meredith finally turned on her heel and walked down the hall, her footsteps painfully echoing through the hall. She made it down the stairs and towards Derek's car. She liked driving Derek's car. Once she had moved to New York, she had gotten rid of her Jeep. There's no point having a car in New York and then she met Jacob who did. But now she was driving Derek's. It just made her feel even more like they were really together forever this time.

Before pulling out of the parking spot, she looked over the car. Derek's hospital ID was sitting in one of the cup holders along with his sunglasses that she always made fun of him for wearing. She told him they made him look stupid, but honestly, she just didn't like the fact that they hid his eyes. There was also a pack of mints in the holder. Meredith smiled remembering the day he decided that he needed to carry those around just in case she decided to kiss him in random elevators. Meredith sighed, trying to get the image of George slamming the door out of her mind and then turned the car on, deciding right now she didn't want to be anywhere but in Derek's arms.

* * *

Meredith stumbled into the small trailer and found Derek sitting on their bed, surfing the Internet on his laptop. She stopped in the small doorway to the bedroom, looking at him. He closed the laptop and put it next to him before looking up at her defeated looking face.

"Where's the tequila?" Meredith asked dryly.

"The tequila?"

"You do have tequila, right? If you expect me to live here, you better have tequila at all times," Meredith said.

"I have tequila, I'm just not sure if I want to give it to you," Derek said as Meredith slowly made her way to the bed, sitting on the edge next to him. "I'm not sure you should have tequila tonight, Mer."

"Why?" Meredith asked in a whiny sounding voice.

"Because you, Dr. Grey, have to go to work at Seattle Grace tomorrow as the returning intern of Dr. Bailey," Derek said unable to hide his smile.

"You actually talked Webber into it?" Meredith asked, "He seriously said 'yes'?"

"I told you I could," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around Meredith and kissed her. Meredith began to agree that maybe she didn't need the tequila. Derek could be her comfort tonight.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23:**

**January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith woke up, obviously not happy about it, by her cell phone ringing for the fourth time. She had tried to ignore it the first three times, but now Derek was telling her to get it. She moaned as she forced herself out of bed and wrapped a sheet around her body. She walked over to their dresser and picked up the vibrating and ringing cell phone.

"Hello?" Meredith said in a groggy voice.

"I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you and then sell your body parts for money and I'm not going to feel guilty about it at all," was the response she got.

"Cristina?" Meredith said in a confused tone as she sat back down on the bed and felt Derek's fingers creep around her waist.

"Who did you think it was? Your lover boy who is probably in bed next to you?"

Meredith looked at Derek and smiled, "I'm sorry. I called you, but I just got your voice mail."

"You left me in an apartment with your freaked ex-boyfriend. He is finally clueing into the fact that all of your stuff is gone because _you_ are gone. Even George figured it out sooner last time you did this," Cristina said reminding Meredith that this running thing was beginning to become a habit.

"Derek bought you a plan ticket. You leave later tonight. I left it by your bags," Meredith said, trying to change the topic.

"Yeah I got it."

"I'm going back to work today. Derek talked the Chief into letting me be one of the Nazi's victims again," Meredith said smiling at the fact that she did get to go to work in a few hours.

"That's so not fair. You are going to be in surgery today and I'm stuck in New York. I hate you. I just hope I've made that very clear. I hate you."

"I know, Cristina, but I've got to get ready so I'll talk to you when you get back, okay?" Meredith said.

"Yeah, but have you talked to Izzie and Bambi yet?"

Meredith sighed as the memories were brought back to the surface of her mind, "I'll deal with them later."

Cristina knew what Meredith meant. It obviously hadn't gone well. "What could you expect Meredith? What you did was pretty messed up."

"I have to go," Meredith said trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible, "Bye," Meredith said before hanging up or giving Cristina the chance to say anything.

"That didn't sound like a pleasant conversation," Derek commented as Meredith curled back into his arms.

"I thought it went rather well actually. Especially compared to Izzie and George," Meredith said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked.

"Does it look like I do?" Meredith asked, noticing that it sounded harsher than she had planned.

"Never mind then," Derek said getting up and leaving Meredith on the bed as he went to take a shower.

* * *

Meredith walked into Seattle Grace, still not believing that she was even back in Seattle. She was holding Derek's hand, not caring who knew that they were together. She'd been the topic of the gossip wheel before and she didn't care if she was again. Now Derek was hers and there wasn't anything wrong with it or anything that anyone could do about it.

She finally let go of Derek when she got to the locker room. He gave her a quick kiss and then headed down the hall. Meredith stared at the door. She could hear Izzie, Alex, and George inside. She couldn't decide how much she really wanted to go through that door. She knew she wanted to be at work, but she couldn't decide if she wanted to deal with the yelling or the painful silence that might await her inside.

She bit her lip and decided that she couldn't stand outside forever and slowly opened the door. She shuffled through the crowded locker room towards her locker. She kept her head to the locker, avoiding the stares she was receiving. Everyone was looking at her. She began to take back the thought that she didn't mind being the topic of conversation at the hospital. She actually hated it.

She put on her scrubs and shoved everything in her locker, aware of the fact that the movement and sound from Bailey's other interns still had not restarted. They all just watched her. Meredith stood there for a moment, staring at the locker she had just shut. She opened her mouth to say something, but as no words came to her mind, she turned around and walked out of the locker room.

"Was that Meredith?" Alex asked, visibly confused.

"McDreamy brought her back," Izzie said disgusted.

"That's good, right?" Alex asked. All he received were looks for answers before Izzie and George got up to find Bailey, but he didn't understand at all.

* * *

**June 28, 2006- Seattle, Washington**

_Meredith packed the last bag that the airline would let her take and looked at the boxes she had packed to mail to herself. She then looked around her now bare room. Everything used to be completely cluttered and messy. She had liked it that way. Besides she was an intern, she didn't really have time to clean._

_She heard footsteps on the stairs and quickly got out of her room, closing the door behind her. She wasn't about to let anyone see what it looked like in there. She sighed in relief when she saw Izzie emerge from the staircase._

_"What's wrong with you?" Izzie asked in response to the gloomy look upon Meredith's face. _

_Meredith forced a smile to surface, "Nothing. Why would you think something's wrong?"_

_"You are a horrible liar. What's wrong?" Izzie insisted._

_"Nothing. I promise," Meredith lied._

_"Fine, don't tell me. You know I will find out eventually," Izzie said before heading towards her bedroom._

_Meredith knew Izzie was right. She was going to find out and she was going to find out really soon.

* * *

_

Meredith ignored the flashbacks that continued to come to her mind. She didn't want to think about when she left Seattle, but she was beginning to feel as though she was going to be forced to. As the other interns began to gather near her and Bailey, she knew that they were all thinking about when she left as well.

**Look to the clock on the wall,  
Hands hardly moving at all.  
Can't stand the state that I'm in  
Sometimes it feels like the walls closing in.**

_Izzie walked into the house, still completely confused. Meredith left this morning, but she wasn't at rounds. Izzie had called her at lunch, but Meredith's cell was turned off and no one answered the house phone. She slowly made her way upstairs, completely worn out by the day at the hospital. An eerie silence was over the house. Izzie walked towards Meredith's room. The door was left ajar._

_She walked inside and found George sitting on the bare mattress with his head in his hands. There were silent tears slipping between his fingers. Izzie couldn't believe her eyes. She looked around and everything seemed bare. The dresser drawers were all partly open, but they were empty. There were boxes against a wall, all perfectly packed and taped shut. There was nothing that resembled Meredith in the room anymore. Suddenly the reality of the situation hit her and she sat down next to George. Slowly the tears came._

**O lord what can I say  
I am so sad since you went away  
Time, time ticking on me  
Alone is the last place I wanted to be  
Lord what can I say**

_Derek laid on his bed. There were tears rolling down his face as Addison walked in the room. He paid her no attention as her eyes left him and looked at the papers next to him that had a pen lying on them. She examined the papers without touching them as her eyes stared at the fresh black ink. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and splash against the bed. She turned around and walked out._

_Derek sat there still in disbelief that he had lost her. He had already signed the papers before he even knew she was leaving. All he had wanted to do was tell her, but now she was gone. He had lost her. Again._

**Try to bury my troubles away  
Drown my sorrows the same way  
It seems that no matter how hard I try  
It feel like there's something just missing inside**

_Richard sat back in his chair at his office. He looked at the transfer papers. On top the name 'New York General' was printed followed by many meaningless words. All he had to do was sign them. Her transfer was basically done. The Chief at New York General had already signed the papers and faxed them to Richard. He began to wonder if he should have warned Derek. Maybe if he had broken Meredith's trust, Derek could have stopped her. At least while she was here he could keep his eye on her, but now he couldn't. Now he had lost the only real connection to the love of his life; who he had already lost years before. _

**O lord what can I say  
I am so sad since you went away  
Time, time ticking on me  
Alone is the last place I wanted to be  
Lord what can I say**

_Izzie and George uncomfortably sat down in the Chief's office. They knew that this was going to be about Meredith, but that didn't make it any better. The last time Izzie had been in his office was after she had quit and the Chief had made her come back to work. That was a hard meeting to be in and now she was being forced back in here._

_George and Izzie were silent as the Chief told them of the instructions Meredith had left. They were supposed to sell the house. Sell the house that they were living in and keep the money. Meredith didn't want it. They were also supposed to mail all of her boxes to the address that she would be giving the Chief as soon as she found a place to live. Then they were asked not to try and find her. If they didn't want to do the things she had asked, he told them he would do them, except for the last instruction. That one they had to follow. They agreed that they would grant Meredith's one last wish and walked out of the office._

**Oh lord what can I say**

_Miranda Bailey walked out of the Chief's office. She silently began to regret saying the things she had about Meredith being absent at rounds this morning. She had lost an intern. It was like losing a child. You take them in and show them tough love, hoping that they will make something of themselves. You aren't supposed to be friends with them or even like them, but even if you don't notice it, over time you begin to bond with them. But now Meredith Grey was no longer Bailey's intern. She'd lost her_.

**How many rules can I break  
How many lies can I make  
How many roads must I turn  
To find me a place where the bridge doesn't burn**

_Cristina sighed and sat down in the on call room. Her person had left her. She wasn't even that surprised. She knew Meredith wasn't happy, but she didn't completely expect her to go this far. At least not this far without telling anyone. Usually if anyone knew anything, Cristina knew. Sometimes Meredith wouldn't even tell her. Cristina just knew. But not this. Not even Cristina could have really predicted this. Maybe it was because no one besides Meredith could feel her pain. Maybe it was because Cristina had ignored Meredith's pain and figured it was just her overreacting and that she'd get over it. More than ever, right now, Cristina needed her person. And she knew her person needed her_

**O lord what can I say  
I am so sad since you went away  
Time, time ticking on me  
Alone is the last place I wanted to be  
Lord what can I say**

_Derek walked through the hospital. It felt lonely without her. He couldn't force himself to walk into an elevator. Too many memories. The entire hospital was full of memories. Memories were things that he couldn't handle. He walked down a hall and saw an open door. He peaked into it and thought about the empty exam room. Once again: Memories. A few tears rushed down his face. He quickly brushed them away before hurrying towards his office._

_There were papers on his desk that he hadn't expected to see. They were signed. He knew he should have been happy, but he couldn't decide what the point was. He wanted the divorce so that he could be with Meredith. Now how could he be with Meredith when he had no idea where she was? Derek sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands as, once again, he began to cry. _

**O lord what can I say  
I am so sad since you went away  
Time, time ticking on me  
Alone is the last place I wanted to be  
Lord what can I say**

"Okay Stevens you are with Burke, Karev you are with Torres, and O'Malley you are in the pit," Bailey said ignoring the tension between the interns. They all walked off, only Alex giving Meredith a sympathetic look, which she returned with a halfhearted smile. Meredith waited with Bailey. She was expected some type of lecture. She knew Bailey would yell at her. Not only for her leaving, but for her just prancing right back into the hospital as if she never left. She knew she deserved it as well. "Welcome back, Meredith. It felt weird without you here. Now go, you're with Shepherd." Bailey smiled at Meredith and then walked away.

Meredith was surprised that she had gotten off so easily. She knew that wasn't going to happen with her friends. They were going to hold this against her for the rest of her life and honestly: could she blame them? Not only did she leave, but also she kicked them out of her house. They made back more money then they ever put into it once they sold it, but still. She knew that they felt as empty then as she had once she had left.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24:**

**July 1, 2006- New York City, New York**

**Dear Love I miss you much  
I miss your smile and I miss your touch  
But I found a place where I can erase my past  
Maybe someday when you're old and gray  
And your hair falls out and your tattoos fade  
You might see me standing  
Hat in hand**

_Meredith was wrapped in a sheet on her new bed in her new apartment. She didn't like it. It was small and lonely. She was used to her house with George and Izzie. But now all she had was a small kitchen, a living room, a bedroom, and one bathroom. She thought back to Derek. She didn't want to, but she couldn't help it. Everything reminded her of him. She knew he wouldn't understand her leaving. Even though he had done it to his own wife not that long ago. He would never understand._

**I have to go away  
I've got no reason to stay here  
You said someday you'll change  
But even a fool will tell you  
Someday never comes**

_She had tried to believe him. She tried more than once to believe that he was going to divorce her, she really did. The only thing was that she knew he would never do it. He couldn't admit to failure. Being divorced meant that he had failed at his marriage. He just couldn't get past that. Meredith groaned slightly as memories began to fill her head._

**You built your rooms  
You built your walls  
You kept me outside of it all  
I got tired of you  
What's a girl to do  
Maybe someday if we stay this way  
And you see my face in a different place  
You'll remember when  
You're going to thank me then**

_She had known that this had been her only option. It was her only chance to be happy. She couldn't be happy in Seattle without Derek. At least here not everything reminded her of him so easily. She usually could find some connection between everything and him, but at least she didn't have memories attached. She was really beginning to hate memories._

**I have to go away  
I've got no reason to stay here  
You said someday you'll change  
But even a fool will tell you  
Someday never comes**

_Meredith sighed and rolled over. She faced the wall and tried to forget what she had just done. Repeated her past. She could smell the man's cologne as her eyes fell to the floor and looked at his shirt lying next to her pants. She began to be cluttered with even more memories. She decided that this was the best thing. Someday her memories would go away. Someday.

* * *

_

**January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

"I can't believe she's back," George said as he walked down the hall with Izzie.

"Can we not talk about Meredith? Just for once? We talked about her enough when she wasn't here. Why do we have to now that she's back?" Izzie asked obviously annoyed.

"I want to talk to her," George said ignoring the harshness in Izzie's tone.

"I already did. You're the one that slammed the door in her face."

"Don't remind me," George said as Izzie turned away from him to go to Burke's office.

* * *

Meredith walked into Derek's office and planted herself on the couch without acknowledging the fact that he was sitting at his desk. He looked over at her and could tell that she wasn't very happy. He could easily tell that it was her friends or her lack thereof that was getting to her. He got up from his desk and sat down on the couch next to her and pulled her closer to him. She sat on his lap, placing her head comfortably on his chest as he ran his fingers gently through her golden hair.

She looked miserable and he didn't know what to do to fix it. Derek sighed and kissed her lightly on her forehead as he saw a tear roll down her cheek. He looked at her questioningly and she looked back up at him, "How much did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?" Derek asked getting a little confused.

"When I left? Did I really hurt everyone?" Meredith asked feeling guilty.

"Honestly Meredith? I've never seen this hospital so gloomy. It hurt like hell," Derek said. He knew it wasn't exactly what Meredith wanted to hear, but she knew it was the truth. She knew that she mattered to people here and that she let them down. She abandoned them.

"I'm just like my father."

"No you aren't," Derek said definitely.

"I just left. I left without a note or an explanation and I didn't talk to anyone. It's exactly like my father. I'm just like him," Meredith said obviously not happy about the family resemblance.

"No, you are different. You came back."

* * *

"Maybe we should tell her," George said as Izzie sat down for lunch with him.

"Once again can we get off the topic of Meredith? God, I swear you are obsessed with her!" Izzie said.

"I am not. I'm just wondering. Should we tell her?" George asked.

"Who cares? Would it change anything? Probably not."

"You never know. Meredith might want to know," George said.

Izzie rolled her eyes, "If she really cared than she wouldn't of left!"

* * *

**July 7, 2006- Seattle, Washington**

"_You're Dr. O'Malley, right? One of Meredith's friends?" an old man said, stopping George in a hospital hallway. _

_George almost shuddered just hearing her name. It was too soon to talk about her. She had just left a few days ago. They had just put the house on the market. But it seems as though he was going to be forced, "Yes. I'm Dr. O'Malley. How can I help you?" George said to the familiar face. He just couldn't decide why it was so familiar._

"_I'm Thatcher Grey," the man said. George knew exactly why he was so familiar._

"_Meredith's father?" _

"_Yes. Meredith's father. Do you know where she is by any chance?" Thatcher asked George with a hopeful look on his face._

"_I wish I did," he answered back honestly. He really did wish he had any clue where she went. The Chief had come to the house to pick up her boxes. He had been given her address and phone number, but he was told to keep it to himself._

"_Is she working or at home?" Thatcher asked, craving information._

"_I'm sorry Mr. Grey, but Meredith doesn't work here anymore. She doesn't live here anymore," George said, still having a head time making her name come out of her mouth. _

"_She moved?" he asked. George could she the disappointment in his eyes. He'd seen the same look more than once in Meredith's identical eyes._

"_I'm sorry. She left a few days ago."_

_Thatcher looked down at his fidgeting hands, searching for words, "If you talk to her. Can you tell her that I wanted to see her? She came to see me and I didn't really talk to her. I need to talk to her. She's my daughter."_

"_I will, but I'm pretty sure she's decided to forget her entire past," George said. She had. She forgot her family, her friends, and the love of her life. _

"_Just tell her," Thatcher said before walking away.

* * *

_

"I have to tell her," George said coming back from his dreamlike state.

"Why?" Izzie asked still sounding annoyed.

"Because I said I would. I promised him that I would tell her," George said.

"Than why are you talking to me? Just go tell her for all I care," Izzie said.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25:**

**January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith and Derek finally decided that should actually be working and forced themselves off the couch that they were enjoying each other so much on and made their way down the hall. They were about to go into a patient's room when Derek stopped and turned around, blocking Meredith's way.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Tell me something," he said, "Why did you really leave? You knew I loved you. I just don't get it."

"Derek, can we not do this now? Please? We are in the middle of the hospital and it's my first day back. Give me a few days before I have Bailey on me for being unprofessional," Meredith said. Derek was reluctant at first, but gave in and they walked into the patient's room.

* * *

**June 14, 2006- Seattle, Washington**

"_Meredith?"_

"_Meredith?"_

_Meredith looked between the two men speechless. She turned her head towards Finn and her heart sunk. She looked at Derek and the rest of the world stopped. She locked eyes with him. He wanted her to come with him and her entire heart wanted to, but her mind kept saying 'no.' She turned away from both of them, looking at the stairs that now had no reminiscence of the tragedy that had just walked down them. She knew those glances should tell her something. She felt something when she looked at Finn, but when she looked at Derek, she couldn't feel anything in the world but him._

_She looked back at them and out of the corner of her eye she saw a red figure moving towards them: Addison. She looked at Derek once more as panic drew upon both of their faces for some of the same and also many different reasons. She looked back to Finn. His bewilderment continued to grow. He began to realize the not-so-innocent glances between his date and his former client. He even noticed how they both became panic stricken the closer that the red head got towards them._

"_Meredith?" Finn beckoned again._

"_Meredith?" Derek said trying to keep her away from him._

"_Derek, I," Meredith began she could feel a tear welding up in her eye and she began to feel a loss for words._

"_Derek, I think we should get going. It's getting late and we both have surgeries early tomorrow," Addison said not noticing the moment she had just broke. As she walked between Finn and Meredith, it was as if she cut the string that kept Meredith attached to him. Addison stopped in between Finn and Derek. She never cut the string between Derek and Meredith. It was beginning to seem as though no one would._

"_Addison, you go. I'm not going back there. I can't. Not yet," Derek said, never taking his gaze off of Meredith._

_Addison looked at Derek and his averted eyes. She then looked at whom they were focused on and sighed. "Fine Derek. I'll go. I'll see you tomorrow," she said in a defeated voice that everyone seemed to have noticed except for Derek._

_Addison turned and walked away. As she walked in between Finn and Meredith, Meredith realized that he was still there. She took a step in his direction and stopped. Almost as if she was expecting someone to stop her. Someone to tell her that she was going in the wrong direction. Someone to tell her that she was going in the opposite direction of love. Time slowed drastically as her left heel lifted off the floor and made it's way in front of her right. She paused again. There must be something. Someone that would stop her. As she began to lift her right leg for the second time, Derek stopped her._

"_Please, Meredith. Please," he said. He knew that if he didn't protest now, he would never have the chance to. He couldn't risk that._

"_Derek, why?" Meredith said turning away from Finn once more. Finn sighed in confusion and frustration, but it went unnoticed._

"_Because Meredith. I need you," Derek said simply._

_Meredith looked at him with saddened eyes. She was about to say no. She was going to tell him that it wasn't enough. She was going to stop it all, but than he looked at her deeply with those eyes and all of those thoughts fell apart. Then she was about to say that she needed more. But then a familiar voice came into her head and told her something: __**That's it, that's all you've earned. For now. The rest...well, the rest you'll have to take on faith.

* * *

**_

"Dr. Grey? Dr. Grey?" Derek said trying to snap Meredith out of her day dreams.

"Uh, yes?" Meredith said extremely embarrassed after realizing what had happened.

"What is your diagnosis?"

"A ruptured aneurysm. The hemorrhage also explains the reason for the sudden mood and personality changes," Meredith said, trying to quickly recover from her daydreaming.

After Derek said a few words to the patient, he led Meredith out into the hallway. "What was that about?"

"I'm sorry. I just had a flashback. That keeps happening to me," she said trailing off at the end.

"About what?"

"After prom," Meredith said.

"Oh. Now that you've relived it, can you answer my question?" Derek asked hopefully.

"Derek, we are still at work," Meredith said as she turned to walk away. After getting a few feet away from him she turned around and spoke again, "Besides, if you had been listening you already would know."

* * *

Meredith sat down in the empty on call room. She needed to think. She had been pushing so many things into the corners of her mind that she was sure she had forgotten what the definition of corner even was because there was no way she had that many corners. As she forced herself to examine everything, her mother came to her mind easily. She felt horrible. She's been so worried about her friends that her Mother somehow skipped her mind.

She wanted to feel guilty about it, but for some reason she couldn't seem to feel bad for forgetting someone who forgot her for most of her life. Meredith knew that was selfish considering that she was sitting there, just fine and healthy, and her mother was dead, but still she couldn't help it. The door opened slowly and Meredith quickly laid down to pretend as though she was sleeping.

"I saw that."

Meredith's eyes opened, "Derek?"

"What are you doing in here?" Derek said as he sat down next to Meredith as she stared at the ceiling.

"Sleeping."

"I don't think you're sleeping," Derek said smiling.

"Fine, thinking," Meredith said frustrated.

"What to tell me what you're thinking?" Derek said as he pushed a lose curl away from her face, drawing her eyes towards him.

"No."

"Why not?"

Meredith sighed, "Because I'm a horrible daughter."

"Meredith, No-," Derek began as Meredith covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shut up," Meredith said as Derek began to protest. She grabbed his scrub shirt and pulled him towards her. "Now you should shut up," she said smiling as she kissed him and pulled him on top of her.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26:**

"Meredith, we should stop doing this," Derek said as he pulled his scrub shirt on.

"Stop having sex?" Meredith asked both surprised and shocked.

"No, stop having sex when we're supposed to talk."

"Who said we're supposed to talk?" Meredith asked as she put her hair up to hide the craziness of it.

"We need to," Derek said.

"No we don't," Meredith said.

"You need to," Derek said. Meredith was about to say something, but she couldn't lie to him. She knew he'd see through it. "And not after a bottle of tequila."

"You're taking all the fun out of it," Meredith said in a whiny voice as she sat on his lap.

"We have to go to work," Derek said.

"We are at work," Meredith pointed out.

"You're going to get me fired."

Meredith reluctantly got up, "I'd be the one getting fired, but fine. Be that way. You'll regret it tonight," she said smiling as she walked out. Derek began to notice that she successfully dropped the topic of talking things out and he thought she'd probably do it again.

* * *

As Meredith walked out of the room she bumped into someone, throwing papers everywhere. Meredith immediately began to help picking up the papers when she looked up and met the eyes of Izzie. Meredith smiled slightly as she stood up and handed the loose papers to Izzie, receiving a cold look back. Izzie took her papers and walked around Meredith bitterly.

"Izzie!" Meredith said both upset and mad.

"What?" Izzie asked harshly turning around and stopping.

"You've got to talk to me eventually," Meredith said.

"Actually, I don't think I do. I'm forced to talk about you with everyone and at this point, I think that that is all the Meredith Grey I can handle," Izzie said turning around and walking away. Meredith sighed and watched Izzie walk away as her pager went off. She looked down at it and then headed to the room she'd been paged to.

Meredith walked into the room and saw Bailey. Bailey had a not-so-approving look on her face referring to the patient. Meredith looked down at the bed and saw a familiar face. A look of panic and guilt took over her face as she stared at the sick body.

"Dr. Grey?" Bailey said.

Meredith looked at Bailey and then back at the bed. She shook her head and turned around, leaving the room and the patient behind.

* * *

Derek finished his last assignment for the day and headed towards the intern's locker room. He looked in through the little window and saw George sitting down on the bench talking to someone who was hidden behind the lockers. Derek figured it was Meredith and he walked in. George turned around a saw him. "What do you need?"

"I'm looking for Meredith," he said as he walked farther in, revealing Izzie as the other person in the conversation. Izzie looked annoyed and pissed off at the mention of Meredith.

"She left a little while ago. Something about being here was too much," George said.

"That's all she does. Runs," Izzie mumbled.

Derek looked up at her, about to defend Meredith, but decided to drop it. "Do you know where she went?"

"Sorry," George said sincerely as Derek turned around to walk out.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

**January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Derek walked into Joe's and found that he was unfortunately right. He saw the love of his life sitting across the room at the bar with many empty shot glasses in front of her. She threw her head back and downed another before Derek took another step closer to her. She seemed to be in her own world, not sensing or noticing anything that was going on around her. Derek sat down next to her and he began to wonder if she just hadn't noticed him or didn't care. She took another full shot and downed it before placing it down. Derek gently put his hand on hers that was relaxing on the bar. He was afraid of how she was going to react considering the fact that she was clearly drunk, but all she did was look at Derek.

**This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know**

Her eyes were blood shot and full of sadness and confusion. The picture of her like this almost broke Derek's heart as he tried to pretend like it wasn't affecting him as much as it really was. Meredith looked away from him and focused back down at the empty glasses in front of her with his words running through her head: _And not after a bottle of tequila._

"Come on Meredith, let's go home," Derek said as he put down a few bills and stood up. He looked back at Meredith and noticed that she hadn't moved. "Meredith?"

**That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore**

"No," she said quietly.

"What?" Derek asked confused.

"No, you don't have to do this. You don't have to pretend like this is okay. I know it's not," Meredith said in a weak voice.

"Meredith, that doesn't matter. All that matters is that we get you home and to bed," Derek said as he put his hand over hers again.

"No, you don't have to. I'm a train wreck. I know that. I don't want to drag you down with me. And trust me. I know I'm going down," Meredith said with no emotion in her monotone voice.

**On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know**

"Meredith?" Derek said forcing her to look at him, "I miss the happy Meredith. The Meredith I fell in love with and I'm willing to do anything to get her back. Not only because I know I'm the one who hurt that Meredith, but because I love you."

**That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore**

"I don't think that Meredith will be coming back any time soon," Meredith said pulling hand away from Derek and picking up the last shot before her. She drank it and looked at Derek, "I prefer to be drunk."

**So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know**

Derek was so confused. She had seemed upset in the on-call room, but she left smiling. He couldn't figure out what had brought on this mood swing of hers. He slowly grabbed Meredith's wrist and gently pulled her off of her barstool. She didn't stop him or say anything. She acted as though she had no control over her limbs and all she could do was wait for Derek to make her move. He brought her to her feet and she looked at him, waiting for his next move.

"Meredith? What happened?" he asked looking at her pitiful looking face.

"I'm not telling you," Meredith said.

Derek sighed in defeat. "Come on, let's go," he said again as he helped Meredith outside of the bar. He just kept hoping that he'd figure this out so he could help her, but most importantly he needed to figure it out soon.

"I left you. Why are you doing this?" Meredith asked as Derek sat down in his car, ready to take her home.

"Meredith, I love you. And I can't hate you for something that I did to you," Derek said regretting that he had brought that up.

**I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore**

Meredith looked out of the window and rested her head on her hand, "Why do you want me?"

Derek was a little surprised by her question. "Why not? You are smart, beautiful, loving, have ineffectual fists and wonderful smelling hair," he answered smiling to himself at the last two reasons.

"What about all my problems?" Meredith asked.

"They are nothing compared to your strengths," Derek said as he turned the car on and backed out of the parking space. He looked over at Meredith before leaving the parking lot and saw a depressed look upon her face. He wrapped his hand around hers and smiled at her, "And besides, I love you."

**Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28:  
January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Cristina got into her car at the airport in Seattle. Knowing that Burke was going to be at the hospital, she headed towards a small apartment near the hospital. Despite the time of night, she put her key in the door and barged in. The small apartment was quiet and dark, but Cristina easily knew her way around and could see everything as though it was light.

In front of her was a small kitchen. The cabinets and tile were white and the counters where in an L shape with light green counters. There was a small island that separated the kitchen from an equally small living room. Izzie had a couch, a television, a coffee table, and a bookcase in her living room. Going a little further back was the small dinning area with a small wooden table and an overhead light. In between the dinning area and the living room was a small hallway. Off the hallway were three doors: a guest room, and master bedroom, and a bathroom. Cristina knocked loudly on both of the bedroom doors, being sure to wake up the occupants. She turned around and turned on all the lights in the front of the apartment before sitting down on the couch.

Slowly the two roommates stumbled out of their rooms. They looked at each other with tired eyes that were being blinded by the light. Both of them were confused until they looked in the living room and saw who was sitting on the couch. Cristina looked in their direction and was amused by their appearance. George had sweat pants on with one leg that was obviously rolled up accidentally in his sleep and he was missing a sock. His gray shirt was wrinkled and his hair was completely out of place. Izzie's hair looked just as bed, tangled and knotted. She was wearing a small tank top and a pair of pants, showing a little bit of her stomach between the two. She had a silk robe wrapped around her, inside out.

The two disheveled interns staggered into the living room and dumped themselves on either side of Cristina. Cristina looked at both of them. Izzie still looked bitterly pissed off, but George looked guilty. Even though she happened to like both of those emotions more than happiness, especially when it came to the Izzie kind of happy, she decided it was her job to at least get rid of the pissed off bitterness.

"I'm going to kill both of you."

"What? Why?" Izzie asked harshly, proving that she not only looked utterly bitter and pissed off, but she was bitter and pissed off.

"Because I think McDreamy has me on speed dial," Cristina said.

"Once again, Meredith. It's always Meredith."

"Are you jealous, Izzie?" Cristina asked.

Izzie rolled her eyes, "Why the hell would I be jealous of her?"

"Because she's in love, was happy, is an amazing doctor, and a lot of other things that I'm not going to say because it'll ruin my image," Cristina said.

"I'm so not jealous."

George finally seemed to wake up and tune into the conversation, "She's right, you are jealous."

"No. No I'm not, I just don't feel like having every second of my life revolved around her!" Izzie said.

"Our lives revolved around you after Denny died," George said under his breath.

Izzie stood up, now even more bitter and pissed off, "No they didn't. Everyone was focused on Meredith because she was so in 'love' or whatever with Derek. And then she left. Then everyone forgot about Denny and everyone was upset about her. No one ever asked if I was okay. Or how I was doing. All everyone thought and talked about for six months was Meredith. Except for me. I thought about Denny. Only me," Izzie shouted at them before stomping off back into her room.

"Good job, bambi," Cristina said sarcastically to George, "And you have to live with her."

"Shut up."

"Now back to what I was going to say. You and Izzie need to get off Meredith's back because she's getting drunk again and as unbelieveable as it might seem, Meredith was sober for six months. You guys are making things harder on her and Derek. Now Derek is complaining to me and I don't feel like being complained to because it messes with my life," Cristina said.

"You sound like Bailey," George said under his breath again.

"You really need to learn how to be quieter with those comments," Cristina said before getting up and walking out of the apartment.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29:  
****January 18, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith lied silently on the bed as Derek walked back into the bedroom and began to take off his clothes to get into something more comfortable. Meredith just watched him. It seemed as though he was unaware that she was even there. He was just so deep in thought. It almost amused her. Derek finally was done and laid in bed next to her. As she looked upon his face, all she saw was sadness.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his ear.

"About what?" Derek asked. Meredith sat up and looked down at her hands. Derek sat up as well and pulled her onto her lap, concerned. He looked at Meredith, but she turned away. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry that you had to come and get me like that. And that I didn't tell you," Meredith said quietly.

"It's okay," he whispered into her ear as he gently rocked her, trying to stop the tears that he knew were going to come down her cheeks.

"I should have told you," she said as she began to cry.

"You still can," Derek said. He stopped moving and forced her to look at him, "What was it?"

"It was Finn," she said before she buried her face into his chest. Derek just held her, completely confused.

* * *

**June 14, 2006- Seattle, Washington**

_Meredith was entangled in the sheets of her bed. Her cell phone was sitting on the table next to her and was flashing a red light. She figured that she hadn't heard it and took it to check her messages. She opened the phone and called her voicemail. Her phone played the message into her ear:_

"_Meredith? It's Finn. I don't get it. You just left with Derek. I know that you two had a past, but I really don't get it Meredith. What did I do wrong? I'm not mad at you, I'm just confused. I get you are scary and damaged, but you need to explain this to me. Give me a call back. I'll be up all night so don't worry about waking me."_

_Meredith pulled the phone away from her ear. The screen gave her four options: Save message, Replay Message, Delete Message, or Call Back Number. Meredith looked at it for a little while and then pushed delete message. She closed the phone and placed it back on the table._

_Meredith pulled the sheet up a little bit, feeling the cold. She heard a grunt coming from the other side of the bed. She turned her head and cuddled herself closer to Derek, knowing that this whole thing was completely wrong.

* * *

_

Derek woke up to the light from the window blinding his eyes. He quickly closed the curtains and looked around, realizing that Meredith was not next to him. He got up and walked to the other side of the trailer, expecting to see her sipping away at coffee, but she wasn't there. He stepped outside, still confused and saw the empty spot next to his car.

He walked back into the trailer and quickly got dressed before heading back into the kitchen. He opened a cabinet and grabbed a coffee thermos from Starbucks and then looked down at the coffee pot. He grabbed the yellow post-it note off of it and brought it up to his eyes. "Work. I'll talk to you later. I love you, Meredith." He smiled at the sign off before crumbling it up and throwing it in the trashcan. He poured the coffee into his cup and grabbed his cell phone, wallet, and keys before heading out of the trailer to see Meredith.

As he drove up to the hospital, he recognized Meredith's car and parked besides it. He headed inside and paged Meredith, hoping that she'd come and meet him in his office. As he made his way to the fourth floor and down to his office, he realized it was dark inside. He opened the door and looked around: empty. He headed down to the OR and looked to see if any of Meredith's attendings were in surgery. None of them were, meaning she wasn't either. He paged her again and then called her cell phone. It went directly to her voice mail. Derek began to get a little concerned. As he headed down the hall he saw Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey? Have you seen Dr. Grey?" Derek asked.

"I am not her baby sitter, Dr. Shepherd. Find her yourself," Bailey said before walking away.

He wasn't all that surprised by Bailey's response. She never approved of them and he wasn't expecting her to do it now. As he turned the corner he saw Bailey walk in front of him again and he stopped walking so that he wouldn't run into her.

"Look," Bailey said in a hushed voice, "Don't tell anyone I said this. I still don't approve of this whole thing. I just wanted to say, thanks. Thanks for bringing her back."

Derek smiled, "Your welcome. Now will you tell me where she is?"

Bailey straightened herself out, "No!" she said in a louder voice as if to redeem herself before heading down the hall.

Derek ran his fingers through his dark hair before focusing back on his mission: finding Meredith. As he got on the elevator to go down to the third floor, his pager went off. He got off the elevator before the door shut and headed down to the OR. He found Cristina there, obviously hoping for surgery.

"You're back in town?" Derek asked.

Cristina eyed him, but didn't verbally respond to that. Instead she talked about the situation at hand, "There was a car crash. He needs to get into emergency surgery. You are the only neurosurgeon free," she said referring to the patient being transferred in to the OR.

"Okay, you can scrub in," Derek said letting the Doctor in him take over and letting the thoughts of Meredith dismiss from his mind momentarily.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30:  
****October 1, 1984- Seattle Washington**

_A little girl sat down on the bottom step of the staircase in her house. She was skinny and small, with beautiful golden brown hair, full of curls. There were tears rolling down her cheeks as she held on tightly to a ratty teddy bear and a stained blanket. There was a single piece of gray luggage sitting on the wooden floor before her. The front door was open, leading down to a world, unknown to her little mind. There were shouts coming from the second floor and she could hear something shatter. Every time the screams increased, her tears would follow as she buried her face in the soft security of the blanket. _

_It was a sunny day in Seattle, rare, especially this time of the year. She almost wished that the sun would go away. Sun was happy and no one here was happy. Her thoughts were interrupted by the large thudding footsteps coming down the stairs. The footsteps belonged to a man. He didn't have much muscle, but he wasn't scrawny and he seemed like a god to the little girl. He pushed passed her small body with a second piece of luggage in his hand. He didn't look down at her as he reached the first piece of luggage. He picked it up and walked out the door._

_The little girl's eyes followed him every step of the way. He opened the trunk of his car and pushed both pieces of luggage inside quickly before slamming it shut. She could hear the shouts from upstairs end and quickly turn into raging tears. She looked up the stairs, wondering if she should do something. She looked back down at her small body and squeezed her teddy bear tightly, realizing that there was nothing she could do. _

_The front door opened again and she looked up from her bear and met the eyes of her father. His eyes were usually strong yet kind, but today they looked weak and angry. He looked in the depths of the little girl's eyes. All he could see was sadness, confusion, and helplessness. He sat down next to her, rubbing his hands together, searching for what to say. He knew he couldn't fix this. He also knew that today would change his daughter's life forever. He looked over at her again and saw that she had been watching him. He kissed her quickly on the forehead as a stray tear rolled down his cheek. He hugged her quickly before looking her square in the eye again, "I'll come back for you. I promise." He kissed her on the forehead again before getting up. _

_He had to leave, he didn't want to cause any more problems, and he couldn't fall apart in front of his daughter. She didn't deserve to see a grown man cry. He opened the door again and stopped to look back at the house. He'd only begun to raise his only child in that house and now he was leaving it. He forced himself to keep going, closing the glass door behind him and heading back to the car._

_The little girl watched as her father descended down the steps in the front of the house for the last time. He got into his car and pulled out of the driveway. The little girl watched, until the car was completely gone. She looked back at her teddy bear. She'd been told that her father had given it to her the day she was born. She pulled it close to her heart as she wiped a tear with her blanket. She didn't know what was happening. All she did know was that it was bad and that she wasn't going to be seeing her father very much anymore. She had no idea that she wouldn't see her father again until she was more than grown up.

* * *

_

**January 19, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

Derek scrubbed out and headed down the hall, still searching for Meredith. It had been an extremely long drawn out surgery and it was beginning to get late. He walked through the quiet, dark halls of Seattle Grace with Meredith nowhere to be seen. And he couldn't figure out why no one would tell her where she was. He paged her a few times and called her again, but still no response. He was forced to check on a few patients before returning to her search over an hour later.

He was about to give up when he came across a small waiting area. She was sitting alone in the dark corner. There was a room across from her with the door open. She was fixated on the door, but it didn't seem as though she'd gone near it. He wanted to go see what she was doing, but for some unknown reason, he was almost afraid to approach her.

**Oh look at how she listens  
She says nothing of what she thinks  
She just goes stumbling through her memories  
Staring out on to Grey Street**

She looked as though she was deep in thought and had been for a while. She was numb to the events happening around her. There was a chart in her lap and an empty coffee cup that had lost it's steam hours ago sitting next to her. Her face seemed to display no sign of emotion other than being tired. There was only the beeping of the machines coming from the room across the hall from her, but she was still fixated on it. She hadn't moved in the moments since Derek began to watch her.

**She thinks, "Hey,  
How did I come to this?  
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,  
But I can't get out of this place."**

Derek casually walked up next to her and sat down in the empty seat on her left side. She handed her a cup of coffee, which she gladly took, never taking her eyes off of the room. Derek looked at her eyes and they didn't seem like they were focused on the room, even though they were facing that direction. It was as if they were lost in her own thoughts and memories.

**There's an emptiness inside her  
****And she'd do anything to fill it in  
****But all the colors mix together - to grey  
****And it breaks her heart**

Meredith didn't look at Derek. She just opened her mouth to begin with a trembling voice, "He promised," she said barely above a whisper.

She could feel Derek sit up a little and place his hand on her thigh, but she didn't look. She stayed focused on the room that she was supposed to be in. Derek looked at her to response, "Mer? What are you talking about?"

**How she wishes it was different  
She prays to God most every night  
And though she swears it doesn't listen  
There's still a hope in her it might**

"He promised that he'd come back for me," Meredith said. Derek didn't understand. He kept looking at her with a concerned, loving look. She never actually saw his face, but she could picture it in her mind clearly, "Twenty-four years ago. He promised that he'd come back and he never did. Then I said that I would call _him_," she said referring to the man in the room, "I promised I would and then I didn't. That was seven months ago. I never did."

Derek looked at the chart sitting in her lap. It was printed clearly on the cover: Finn Dandridge. He wasn't sure who the first man she was talking about was, but he knew that now she was referring to Finn. She left with Derek after prom, but not before promising Finn that she'd talk to him and explain everything. But then she had gotten wrapped up in her relationship with Derek. And then she had left.

**She says, "I pray  
****But they fall on deaf ears,  
****Am I supposed to take it on myself?  
****To get out of this place."  
****  
**Meredith stood up and turned around to look at Derek, "I was happy. I was happy in New York. I shouldn't have come back here. Everything here is bad. Everything here is complicated and I can't handle it. I just can't do it."

Derek was a little shocked by what she was saying. In her eyes all he could see was sadness, confusion, and helplessness. He was so confused himself. He didn't know what had really caused this melt down or how he could fix this.

**There's loneliness inside her  
And she'd do anything to fill it in  
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now  
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart  
When all the colors mix together - to grey  
And it breaks her heart**

Meredith turned away and then looked back at Derek, "I'm going to go get a drink." She turned around and walked down the hall.

Derek didn't move. He began to realize why she drank. She drank to fill some emptiness within her that no one seemed to be able to fill. He remembered back to when they were beginning to date. She had begun to drink less and less, until Addison showed up that is. Then he remembered Cristina saying that she never drank in New York. It was as if Jacob or something in New York had filled that void in her.

**There's a stranger speaks outside her door  
Says take what you can from your dreams  
Make them as real as anything  
It'd take the work out of the courage**

But Derek, Derek knew what the alcohol really did for her. It was poison. It was her poison: the poison that she relied on more than anything else. She seemed to ignore the fact that with every shot, a little piece of her slowly died or got lost in the back of her mind. It was as if she almost wanted to do that. She wanted to feel numb. She wanted to kill every ambition, hope, and feeling that she ever had. Just be coming numb and apathetic.

**But she says, "Please  
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,  
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world."**

Meredith turned the corner and looked back. She was waiting for Derek. She wasn't sure if she actually wanted him to be around her, but she was certain that he would be. He always was. He was always there for her. At least it had seemed that way lately. She looked back once more. He hadn't moved and he didn't look like he was planning on it. Her facial expression didn't change. She just took a step closer towards her locker room, a step closer to her alcohol.

**There's an emptiness inside her  
****And she'd do anything to fill it in  
****And though it's red blood bleeding from her now  
****It's more like cold blue ice in her heart  
****She feels like kicking out all the windows  
****And setting fire to this life  
****She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright  
****But all the colors mix together - to grey  
****And it breaks her heart  
****It breaks her heart  
****To grey**

Derek finally came to his senses and got up. He looked in at Finn's room, but walked away. He checked in on a few more patients before he got changed into his normal clothes and headed across the street to Joe's. He walked into the bar and saw Joe. He looked around, but he didn't see Meredith.

"Hey there Dr. Shepherd," Joe said as he dried a shot glass.

"Hey, Joe. Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asked as he sat down on an empty bar stole.

"She was here about an hour ago. She drank the normal amount of tequila and tried to leave. I wouldn't let her drive, but she said she was just going to the park next door. I have her keys so she can't drive," Joe said lifting the keys out of his pocket.

Derek took the keys from Joe, "Thanks. I'm going to go find her."

**I would rather be wine drunk  
Than sober and clear  
Under these streetlights  
And glowing with you here**

Meredith sat quietly under the moonlight on a bench. She could see lights from the bar and the busy hospital despite the time of night that it was. Her ears were full of sounds from the traffic, but she blocked them out as she tried to focus her drunken mind. She needed to think. She knew she did. The problem was she couldn't really remember how to think. That had to be hard to forget how to think. She just didn't feel like she could get a thought process going.

Her light, frail body swayed a little in the wind, but she didn't notice it. Only Derek did. His muscular body left a shadow on the gray sidewalk that she noticed before she actually had noticed his appearance. She knew he would have followed her. Granted it took him longer than she originally thought, she knew he would. It was Derek. It was what he did.

**You are my little furnace,  
You are my favorite song**

Derek sat down next to her on the cute little bench that looked over the busy road. Meredith adjusted herself so that her head was resting against his chest and he grazed his fingertips between the golden locks of her hair. He could smell the fresh tequila on her lips and he tried to block the bitter stench of the thing that was dragging her down, but he couldn't.

**And we're dancing in public  
To the sounds of our town  
To the traffic rolling down the I**

Meredith's thoughts danced around her head. She imaged herself actually happy. Forgetting all of her past and just being with Derek. Just being with him like she was right now. Sometimes she wished that he would just kiss her without a care in the world. Without caring how she was going to react. He might not know it, but she couldn't resist his kiss. She began to realize that she was thinking again and then thought she needed some more tequila.

**I would rather be wine drunk  
Than sober and clear**

She was going to get up. She was going to make herself go and get a few more shots of tequila. But then she felt Derek. She felt his arm wrapped around her tightly, keeping her warm. She felt his fingers caressing her hair. Whenever she felt him, she fell weak. She couldn't make a muscle in her body function. It could have been the tequila, but she began to think that it was just his touch. She couldn't leave him and she began to wonder how she ever did.

**When we're together  
In weather so dear  
And the ending so near  
And all I want right here**

**

* * *

First song is Grey Street by Dave Matthews Band and the second is Rather by Wine Drunk by The City on Film**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31:  
****February 1, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

A few days had passed and Meredith had made it through them. Derek had forced the Chief to give her some time off, so she hadn't been back to the hospital. Today, Seattle had decided to open up, pouring rain down on the large group of people circled around for one general cause. Meredith was hanging on tightly to Derek. One of his arms was wrapped around her back, pulling her close to him and the other was holding an umbrella above her. Meredith couldn't make herself look. She just buried her head in Derek's chest as the hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

All of the faces and voices in the background, blended together with the rain. Meredith knew Cristina was at her side, but she wasn't really sure who the rest of the people were. As they began to lower the coffin into the ground, she forced herself to look up. She saw Dr. Webber on the other side. He was standing next to Adele with a stern look on his face. She knew this was killing him, but he kept it hidden. It was as if it was just another patient to him.

Meredith hadn't realized that she was walking once the funeral was over. She kept close to Derek, almost as if he was her life support. People continued to come by and whisper sweet words or touch her on the shoulder. She shivered every time she felt anyone other than Derek and he would give them an apologetic look for her. She hadn't been talking much at all, but he knew that she just wanted to be with him right now. Not alone, but away from everything else.

* * *

**February 17, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

As the days continued to pass, Meredith went back to work. Derek checked up on her and had made Bailey give Finn's case to Cristina. He was surprised when she obliged, but he began to think that Bailey understood that Meredith had too much on her plate. Derek still missed Meredith's smile, but he could tell it was coming back soon. She stayed away from tequila and only got a beer once or twice at the trailer. She still wouldn't open up to Derek, but he figured that the fact that she was staying sober was a miracle all in itself.

It was getting close to summer and the sun was shining through the glass at the overpass in the hospital. Derek saw Meredith leaning on the railing, looking out at the sky. He stopped next to her and looked at her, "I think we need a vacation."

"What?" Meredith asked, looking over at Derek.

"A vacation. We need one."

"I've only been at work for a week since my last vacation," Meredith said referring to the time she had off for her Mother's funeral.

"That wasn't a vacation. We were still in Seattle and I still had to come to work. I'm talking a real vacation. When we fly somewhere and you meet people," Derek said, letting Meredith know that he had an idea of where they were going to go.

"Meet people?"

"Yes, people. People with dark brown hair and blue eyes," Derek said making Meredith laugh a little, "My family."

Meredith stepped away from the railing and turned to face Derek, "You're family?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Yes. My family. They live in a city full of tourism. It'll be fun," Derek said, pleading Meredith to agree.

"You mean, New York?"

"No," Derek said surprising Meredith, "I move to New York for college, but I grew up a little farther down South."

"So you're a Southern boy now?" Meredith said as a smile crept upon her face.

Derek couldn't help but smile excitedly at her smile, "It's in Virginia. It really doesn't belong there. The city isn't really Southern at all. Except for the few farms left," Derek said.

"So where are we going, Dr. Shepherd?"

"We are going to Virginia Beach, Virginia. Home."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32:  
February 21, 2007- Seattle Washington**

"Izzie and George already aren't talking to me. Do you have any idea what they're going to do when they find out that I have more time off?" Meredith asked sitting down on the airplane as Derek shoved a bag into the overhead compartment.

"Well when Izzie goes through everything you have, she can have time off too. If I remember correctly, she got about a month off after Denny," Derek said as he sat down next to Meredith.

"Still, it's Izzie," Meredith said sounding worried.

"I'm making some rules," Derek said.

"Rules?" Meredith question, raising one eyebrow at Derek.

"Yes. Once this airplane takes off, you can't talk or think about Izzie, George, Cristina, Bailey, or anything else that has to do with the hospital or Seattle," Derek said.

"Fine, but I have a rule too. No sex."

"What?"

Meredith leaned back in her chair, "We're staying in your parents house. We can't have sex. That's just wrong. I'm just telling you ahead of time."

"There is no way you can go to bed every night with me without having sex. You don't have enough self control," Derek chuckled.

"I don't have enough self control?" Meredith asked, "We'll see about that." As Meredith finished her sentence, she began to brace herself for lift off. She hated planes.

* * *

**February 21, 2007- Norfolk & Virginia Beach, Virginia**

After a few hours of sleeping and a layover, Meredith and Derek safely flew into the Norfolk International Airport. They exited their gate and ended up in the larger portion of the airport. There were small restaurants and stores on all sides of them. Derek quickly led Meredith to the other side of the airport and down a flight of stairs to baggage claim.

"I thought you said your parents lived in Virginia Beach?" Meredith asked as they stood waiting for their luggage to come by.

"They do. Virginia Beach is huge, but the only thing they don't have is an airport. That's what Norfolk is for. It'll take us about thirty minutes to get to the house," Derek said. Meredith was about to reply when Derek saw their luggage and stepped over to the belt to lift it all off.

As he walked over to her with their luggage, he began to notice her playing with her watch and continuously fidgeting as they headed to the rental car window.

"Are you nervous?" Derek asked looking down to her hands.

Meredith immediately dropped her hands to her side, "A little. I mean, all of your sisters live here don't they?" she asked receiving a nod from Derek, "That's a lot of people. They're all married. With kids. Lots of kids. What if they don't like me?"

Derek stopped and pulled Meredith over to the side. He leaned the luggage up against the wall and pulled her into a hug. He lifted her head away from him and kissed her gently, "They are going to love you. Because I love you and I know you'll fit in perfectly."

Meredith smiled as Derek pulled his hands away form the sides of her face to pick up the luggage again. Derek talked to a woman for a moment and soon they had a new BMW waiting for them on the side of the road in front of the airport. Derek placed all of their luggage in the car before joining Meredith in the front seat. Derek saw that she was fidgeting again and grabbed her hand to calm it down before putting the car in drive and heading home.

They spent about twenty minutes on the highway that had no traffic considering the fact that it was two in the afternoon. Meredith stared out the window as they pulled off the highway. She could easily tell that this wasn't a very Southern city by all of the buildings on either side of the road. To her left were many businesses and banks, but towards her right were lots of stores and restaurants.

"That's Lynnhaven Mall over there," Derek said as he stopped at a backed up traffic light in the left turning lane. Meredith looked to her right and saw that behind a few restaurants was a rather large mall with a parking garage and every other space completely full. Derek pressed on the gas and headed down another street with office buildings on either side. Meredith continued to hold tightly onto his hand, knowing that they were getting closer to his family.

They drove down a curvy road before Derek turned right at another light. Now there were trees on either side of the road and Meredith saw planes flying above them. "That's from the navy base. It's just to the left of this road," Derek said referring to the planes that he seemed used to. Soon enough more buildings were on either side of them before Derek took another left, finding trees again.

Down the road a little Meredith saw a big blue barn to her right. In big thick letters it said 'Taylor Farms' and had horses and cows spread out amongst the fields that surrounded it. On the left was a huge plot of land that was under construction. "I can't believe they're actually building something there," Derek said referring to the construction. Derek took another right. There were stores and a gas station to their right with another more run down farm to their left.

Then they passed a road that had houses all down it. Meredith looked down the road and it all seemed so peaceful. They continued on and Meredith saw a small field to her right with the backs of houses behind it. To their left was more fields that were also under construction. The right side began to seem more developed as the lines of new trees formed. Then Derek got into the right turning lane and Meredith could tell that they were about to turn into a neighborhood.

On either side of the neighborhood's entranced were small stone walls for decoration. Each wall had a sign that read, 'Castleton.' Derek took another right and Meredith could see the backs of houses on their left with a small white fence that seemed to run all through the neighborhood. The entrances to two different subdivisions came up and Derek drove passed them until he hit another intersection. He took a left and turned onto Seven Kings Road. In front of them was a small plot of land with a few pine trees and a lake behind it that seemed to be the backyard for everyone. To the right of the plot of land was a medium side house. It had a two-car garage and had shutters that were all painted a nice shade of green. The grass and flowerbeds were well groomed. Derek pulled into the driveway and Meredith could easily tell where they were. He parked behind a Navy Blue Jeep Grand Cherokee. Derek turned the car off and smiled at Meredith, "We're home."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33:  
****February 21, 2007- Seattle Washington**

They both got out of the car and began to walk up the pathway to the house. Meredith instinctively grabbed Derek's hand and he could feel her shaking slightly. They stopped once they had reached the door. Meredith stood looking at the green door with a wreath hung on it and the plants in front of the windows that were on either side of the door. Before Derek made any announcement that they were there, he turned to Meredith and whispered into her ear, "Everything will be fine. Just relax and remember that I love you." Derek could feel her hand relax and he felt satisfied as he rang the doorbell.

An average sized woman with jet-black hair answered the door. She had a cheery look upon her face and her smile could obviously light up the room. Derek smiled back at her and let go of Meredith to hug her. They pulled apart and Derek quickly grabbed Meredith's hand again. The woman looked at Meredith and Meredith smiled the best she could.

"Mom, this is Meredith Grey," Derek said sounding very proud to say that this was his girlfriend.

The woman quickly hugged Meredith, "Welcome! I'm Elizabeth, but call me Liz. Come on in," she said as she opened the door wider and back up to allow them the space to come in.

Meredith's eyes quickly scanned the very open house. They were standing in a small foyer. It had light tans walls and wooden floors with stairs on her right. To her left was a nice dinning room. It had rather large table with a china cabinet behind it. There were a few shelves full of different glass and crystal items. The walls were a darker green than the shutters outside. There was a small bench against the two windows that looked out upon the front yard. Straight ahead was a living room. They walked into the living room and Meredith could see a small hallway that led to the right and a very open kitchen on the right with white cabinets and tan counters. There was also a small nook that had French doors leading out to the backyard.

Meredith and Derek were offered seats on the brown leather couches in the living room, which they gladly took. Derek noticed that Meredith sat a little far away from him, but he quickly pulled her close letting her know that it was okay. His Mother walked into the kitchen, but because of the half wall separating the two rooms, they were still able to see her.

"So Meredith, how do you like Virginia so far?" Liz asked.

"Mom, she's only seen the highway," Derek said knowing Meredith was feeling a little uncomfortable.

"I know, but it's a polite question. I did teach you how to be polite, right?" Liz asked with a smirk on her face.

They heard a door close down the hallway and then a man emerged. He was a little heavy set, but had some of the same facial features as Derek. It was easily known that they were relatives. Derek jumped up and hugged him, "Hey Dad."

"How ya doing, son?" he asked half way through the hug.

"Great. I want you to meet Meredith," Derek said turning back to Meredith. She got up and walked over to Derek, staying close to him.

"Come here and give me a hug," the man said pulling Meredith into a big hug, "I'm Alley, Derek's father."

Meredith smiled, "It's nice to meet you." She was surprised at how welcoming these people were. Especially considering the fact that Derek had been married and she didn't think that they really had hated Addison.

Meredith and Derek made it back to the couch and Alley sat down on the matching loveseat. "The girls should be here later. They wanted some time with you two alone, so the guys are taking the kids."

Liz shook her head as she continued peeling carrots in the kitchen, "Those four knuckleheads with fourteen kids. That must be illegal somewhere." Derek chuckled and Meredith didn't even realize that she was smiling after hearing Liz's comment.

"I think it's better that way. Meredith can meet everyone little by little," Derek said before kissing Meredith on the forehead. He never saw the wide grin that appeared on his mother's face. Liz looked up at Alley and they both seemed very proud of the loving couple before them.

The front door opened and everyone could here giggling and the sounds of heels clicking on the wood paired with shopping bags brushing up against each other. The girls dropped off the bags in the dinning room before coming into the living room. Derek stood up and dragged Meredith up with him.

"It's my big brother!" a woman with long curly brown hair said as she hugged Derek. She seemed to be the older than the other three girls who were busy greeting their parents.

"Hey, Anna," Derek said letting go of Anna and moving closer to Meredith.

"And this must be the famous Meredith?" Anna said taking in the appearance of Meredith. Meredith gave her an awkward smile, "No need to be shy here. We're all crazy," she said with a smile that Meredith easily recognized from Liz.

"Derek!" the youngest looking girl said from the kitchen. She hurried over to Derek and gave him a huge hug, "I've missed you so much! I haven't seen you in about five years!" she said. She was amazingly beautiful just like the rest of the woman. She seemed to be closest to Meredith in age and had long, straight, dark brown hair that Meredith recognized from Alley.

"How's the baby, Audrey?" Derek asked.

"Ashton's hardly a baby anymore, Derek," Audrey answered, "He's two, even though he's yet to meet his Uncle!"

"I'm so sorry, Aud, you know I wanted to see him," Derek said apologetically.

"I know, life gets hard sometimes," Audrey said as two other woman pushed past her and both hugged Derek.

"How've you been?" a woman with long black wavy hair asked, "We've all missed you so much."

"I've been doing great lately," Derek said, "Ever since I got Meredith back that is," he said turning his attention back to Meredith.

"Hi, Meredith, I'm Maria," the woman said.

The last woman had short black hair. She seemed to resemble Liz the most, "Hello! I'm Sydney."

"Hi. It's nice to meet you all," Meredith said a little uncomfortably.

"Girls, give her some space. You are all on top of her, probably suffocating her," Liz said from the kitchen. The woman backed off a little and Derek took his seat again, motioning for Meredith to do the same.

"So Meredith, how did you meet my brother?" Audrey asked after all the girls had taken seats on either the loveseat, ottoman, or the over stuffed chair in the corner.

Meredith looked at Derek, at a loss for words. Their worried glances quickly told the girls something. Anna laughed, "Oh, there must be a good story there."

"Nope, no good story," Derek quickly covered.

"You are a horrible liar," Sydney said.

"I am not and I'm not lying," Derek said sounding a little childish which made even Meredith giggle.

"Fine, we'll get it out of her after a few drinks tonight," Maria said smiling.

"No. No drinks. Alcohol and Meredith don't mix well," Derek said smiling. Meredith was slightly embarrassed at the comment, which Derek quickly discovered, "Besides she needs to be as clear headed as possible around you four."

"We don't bite, Derek!" Maria said, which Derek quickly rolled his eyes at.

Meredith smiled. She liked this. She definitely wasn't used to this, but she liked it. She liked seeing Derek with his family. It was as if he had no other care in the world. His fingers kept tracing lines along her hands, sending shivers through her body, but he seemed completely comfortable. Meredith began to realize what a family was supposed to be like.

"Derek? Can you come out here and help me on the grill?" Alley asked as he headed towards the French doors with steaks on a plate in his hand. Derek nodded before turning back to Meredith.

"Just breath. I'll be back," he whispered before kissing her on the forehead and giving her hand a tight squeeze. He knew that they were just trying to get him out, but he figured he should go along with it as he headed outside after his father.

Once the door was securely shut, everyone's attention turned back to Meredith. "I'm impressed," Anna said.

"Impressed?" Meredith asked a little uncomfortably.

"Yeah, it looks like you've got him wrapped around your little finger," she said smiling.

"Anna!" Liz scolded from the kitchen as she continued cooking.

"I'm just saying. He seems quite attached to this one," she said with a smile.

"He does seem to be extremely infatuated with you," Maria said to Meredith.

"It's not infatuation, darlings," Liz said drawing all of their attentions, "It's called love. You four are married, I believe you know a thing or two about love."

"Joshua never whispered sweet things into my ears in front of either one of our parents," Anna said, referring to her husband.

"That's because Joshua isn't the romantic type," Audrey responded.

"How would you know? He is my husband isn't he? And I do believe we are the ones with five kids," Anna said.

"Five girls. That poor man, being forced to live with six girls. We're lucky," Sydney said. "I have three girls and one boy," she said, trying to explain things to Meredith.

Meredith nodded and smiled as the other girls continued talking, "I have three boys and one girl. Just the opposite," Maria said, sounding proud of her family.

"I just have one little boy, Ashton," Audrey said.

Meredith felt a little left out, considering the fact that she had no children and had nothing to add to the conversation so she just sat there quietly, hoping no one would notice.

"So, Meredith? Are you this silent all the time?" Anna asked.

"Anna, you and Derek need to have a lesson in politeness!" Liz said from the kitchen, "This poor girl is probably scared to death because of you four and then you made your father take Derek away from her. Don't even act like you all didn't set that up."

Guilty faces came upon the four girls, "We have to look after out big brother. He's too stupid to do it for himself," Sydney said.

"That's definitely true," Meredith said, realizing that that had been her first real comment of the night.

"You agree that Derek is stupid?" Anna asked, "Oh, I think I like her already!"

"I'm just glad Addison is gone," Maria said.

"I liked Addison," Sydney said before thinking. She looked at Meredith with an apologetic look, "No offense, she just seemed nice at first. I mean, I hate her now for what she did to Derek, but for ten years, I liked her."

"She was alright, I just never had much to say to her," Audrey said.

"You? Not much to say? That's a little unbelievable," Anna said laughing a little.

"Shut up," Audrey quickly snapped back.

Meredith smiled, but inside she was not smiling. She wasn't very happy that the conversation had turned to Addison, but she was sure that it would eventually. Before anyone said anything else, the doors opened again and Derek walked back in. "Are you done torturing my Meredith?" he asked before taking his seat next to her again.

"You're Meredith?" Anna asked, "A little possessive are we?"

"If I'm not you guys will eat her alive," Derek said.

"They would not. I'm capable of protecting myself," Meredith said as Derek wrapped his arm around her back.

"I know, I just prefer doing it myself," he said with a smile.

"Oh, get a room," Anna said.

The night went by rather quickly and luckily for Meredith she continued to get more comfortable. Everyone seemed to take notice of the fact that her and Derek were constantly together, as if they were afraid to not be in physical contact at all times. They all thought it was really cute and sweet actually. After dinner had passed, the girls knew that they each needed to get home to their husbands and their children.

"It was nice meeting you Meredith," Audrey said as she hugged Meredith good-bye.

"It was nice meeting you and I promise I won't ever let Derek go so long without meeting your next one," Meredith said referring to Audrey's hopefully growing family and the fact that Derek had yet to meet her two year old

"Yeah, Derek. You've yet to meet Logan either," Sydney said.

"I know, I'm a horrible Uncle," Derek said as he hugged Sydney, "I'll meet him tomorrow. He won't know the difference once he's older."

They all left and Meredith began to feel relieved by the quiet. "I'm sure you two have lots of unpacking to do and want to get some rest. We'll be downstairs, but feel free to head upstairs," Liz said before she headed back to the kitchen.

"I'll go get out bags," Derek said, "Just go up the stairs. They split off into two different directions. Take the right and it'll lead you two my old room." Meredith nodded and turned to the stairs as Derek walked outside.

She followed his directions and headed into the room. It was a good size and nicely decorated. The furniture was all black and the walls were a light blue. The comforter on the bed was dark blue and Meredith could tell just by looking at it that it was comfortable. There was one window that looked over the driveway and two sides of the ceiling were at an angle. Meredith heard Derek coming up the stairs as she sat down on the bed.

Derek opened the door and quickly put down the bags before closing the door. Meredith looked over at him and smiled. He quickly came over to her and unexpectedly began to kiss her intensely. He wrapped his arms around her a lowered her on the bed. She gave in for a few minutes before pulling away, "Remember what I said? No sex here? I mean it."

"You can't do that to me. I haven't been able to touch you all day," Derek said, pouting.

"I don't think you let go of me except for when you went outside with your father," Meredith said as she pulled out from under Derek.

"You won't be able to hold out, we both know it," Derek said as he pulled off his shirt and laid down next to her on the bed. She turned on the television and kept her eyes averted from his bare skin because she knew if she looked at him too long, he would be right.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34:  
****February 22, 2007- Virginia Beach, Virginia**

"You do realize that you are lucky, don't you?" Liz asked the next morning as she sipped her coffee.

"I know, she's amazing," Derek said smiling.

"She is and she's beautiful," Alley said. Derek liked this. He hadn't sat around a table, talking to his parents in years. It felt like he was living back at home again and as if he'd never left.

"And after all the things you put her through, she's still there," Liz said smiling back at Derek.

"I know I don't deserve her and that she's basically my world. I just really worry about her sometimes. She has so many bad things happening to her and she just seems to doubt everything: herself, me, and well us," Derek said bleakly.

"Give her more reasons to believe," Liz said, "That's all any girl needs. She just needs you to give her the reasons. She's spent a lot of time caring about you without reasons and it probably took a lot out of her."

"I know I just love her so much. I'm not going to hurt her like that again, I couldn't lose her," Derek said.

"Do you remember the day you asked me about proposing to Addison?" Alley asked. Derek nodded. He didn't really want to think about Addison, but he figured that his father had a point. "Remember how I hesitated and just told you to do what you thought was right?" Derek nodded again, "Son, you didn't feel this way about Addison. At least you never realized it. With Meredith, you know how much you need her and how much you love her. And not only do you two know it, but it's obvious to everyone who sees you two. You're lucky son."

"Thanks, Dad," Derek said before turning his head at the sound of footsteps. Meredith walked downstairs in a pair of jeans and a dark brown sweater with her hair up in a relaxed ponytail. Derek lit up at her presence and so did Meredith once she locked eyes with him. Liz and Alley smiled at each other as Meredith walked over and took a seat between Liz and Derek.

"Good morning," Derek said to her as he placed his hand on her thigh. She smiled up at him and took the coffee cup that Liz silently offered.

"How'd you sleep? That bed is as old as this house," Liz said.

"It was fine, very comfortable actually," Meredith said feeling more comfortable.

"Well I'm glad. Anna and Joshua should be by with the girls any time now. They should be relatively calm. Grace and Ava are teenagers and Chloe, Trinity, and Faith are extremely well mannered," Liz said as Meredith tried her best to memorize their names, "Don't worry, I'm their grandmother and I forget their names all the time."

Meredith smiled, "I'm horrible with names, so I'll be happy if I can just remember who they belong to." Meredith's smile quickly vanished, "Excuse me," she said before getting up from the table and heading back upstairs. Derek got a worried look on his face before getting up and following her up the stairs.

Derek saw Meredith run into the bathroom and lock the door behind her. He stood next to it, waiting for her. He heard the toilet flush and the water run. She opened the door and rushed into the bedroom without saying anything to Derek or acknowledging the fact that he was there. He heard the front door open and his sister's family walk in as he headed towards the bedroom door. He knocked on the door, but didn't receive any response besides tears.

"Mer? Meredith, are you okay?" Derek asked through the door. He stood there, waiting for her to respond, "Mer? Honey, I love you. Tell me what's wrong." Derek was getting increasingly worried and never noticed someone coming up the steps.

"She okay?" Anna asked. Derek turned around and met his sister's eyes.

Derek shook his head, "I don't know."

"Go downstairs and visit with your nieces. I'll talk with her. Girl to girl," Anna said trying to convince Derek.

He looked back at the door longingly with sadness in his eyes. He headed towards the stairs and stopped at Anna, "Thanks. I love her so much, but I don't know how to help her sometimes."

Anna nodded and watched Derek sluggishly walk down the stairs. Anna knocked on the door, "Meredith? This is Anna. I know we don't know each other very well, but I think I might be able to help you out. Or at least I can try." Anna waited and she slowly heard the click of the lock. She waited a few seconds before placing her hand on the door and opening it. She looked over towards her big brother's bed. Meredith was sitting on it, with her head in her hands, looking like a complete wreck.

Anna was cautious at first and hesitated, but she shut the door behind her and sat down next to Meredith. Meredith quickly wiped her face and tried to make herself look presentable.

"Given a little time, you probably will be my sister. As your future-older-sister, tell me what's going on and I'll try and help you," Anna said trying to comfort Meredith.

"It's nothing, nothing. I'm just overreacting. It's nothing," Meredith said.

"If you say nothing more than twice in the same thought, then it's not nothing: it's something," Anna responded.

"I'm just not ready for this," Meredith said after finally trying her tears.

"Meeting us? I don't think we're really that scary. Maybe a little overwhelming at first, but you'll get used to us," Anna continued.

"No, it's not you. You guys are great. I just can't. I can't do this," Meredith said, crying again.

"Did Derek do something? You know he loves you. I've never seen him be so affectionate," Anna said as she began to gently rub her back.

"I know he loves me, but I just can't have his baby," Meredith said shocking Anna.

"It's alright," Anna said letting the mother in her take over and pull Meredith into a hug as she continued to cry. Anna looked at the door and saw the shadows under the door turn and move in the opposite directions until they were gone.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35:  
****February 22, 2007- Virginia Beach, Virginia**

Alley looked around the living room and saw that three important people were missing: Derek, Meredith, and Anna. He heard the front door slam behind him, causing him to look over. He turned his head back to Liz who shared a concerned look with him. Alley stepped away from his grandchildren and walked outside. He walked across the driveway to the little side yard that had a bench resting against the small white fence.

Derek was sitting on the left side of the bench, with his head in his hands. His father was a little concerned, but sat down silently next to him. He knew his son well. Derek would talk, all Alley had to do was wait. Be patient and give him his space.

Derek suddenly jerked up and leaned back on the bench. He looked out at the peaceful houses and the trees blowing in the slight breeze. He loved it here. He had so many memories of growing up, not just at this house, but in this city. He had wanted to show it all to Meredith, make her apart of it, but now he just felt selfish. She hadn't been herself. She wasn't stable yet and he completely threw her out of her surroundings and made her bond with four crazy women and the rest of his family. Now this, this new news, it was mind blowing. Pregnant? Mer? His Meredith, pregnant with his child? As happy as it usually would make him, he couldn't help but be confused as to why she was so scared of telling him.

"I think she's pregnant," Derek finally forced out.

Alley sighed, "Listen to your mother. Give her reasons."

"She won't talk to me. She's upstairs with Anna, but she won't talk to me," Derek said.

"I know it's hard, son. You've just got to be there. She's probably scared out of her mind. Your mom and I were when we got pregnant with you and we had been married for two years. It's just a scary thing," Alley said, trying to comfort his son the best he could.

"I shouldn't have done this. I should have waited. Waited for her to get back on her feet before I brought her here. I thought this would help, but she's blocking me out again," Derek said.

"Just be there," Alley repeated before getting up and walking back inside. Derek didn't follow. He sighed and ran his hands through his head, looking down at the grass below him.

Anna decided to leave Meredith and give her some time alone. Meredith laid down on the bed and snuggled up to the pillow that was accented with the scent of Derek. She closed her eyes and easily drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**December 1, 1995- Boston, Massachusetts**

"_Meredith Ellis Grey!" a woman yelled coming from the bathroom. She stomped into her daughter's room and found her daughter lying on the bed half asleep. "What the hell is this?" she asked holding up an open box._

_Meredith lifted her head of her pillow and looked at her mother. She saw the box and dropped her head back on the pillow. She didn't want to deal with this right now. She knew she couldn't run away from this completely, but she just didn't want to have to fight with her mother right now. That took too much energy. Energy that she was sufficiently lacking in. _

"_Meredith, is there something you need to tell me?" Ellis asked angrily._

"_I think you've got it pretty well," Meredith mumbled, knowing her mother had already pieced the puzzle together. What was the point of explaining it? There wasn't any. Her mother was a Doctor and even if she wasn't she could have figured it all out._

_As a silence grew between them, it was shattered by the telephone. Meredith didn't move. Ellis walked across the room and looked at the caller id. She sighed angrily and answered it, "Hello?"_

"_She is, but sorry Ethan. She is busy right now," Ellis said as Meredith began to force her way out of bed. "No, I don't know when she'll be able to talk," Ellis said waiting for him to respond, "Why? Because honey, you knocked her up!" Ellis slammed the phone down and Meredith sighed._

"_Why do you do things like that?" Meredith asked as she threw herself back on the bed._

"_Me? Why do I keep doing this? Meredith! You are sixteen! What the hell were you thinking? Oh I know, you weren't. You are never thinking. You are just as stupid as your father!" Ellis screamed before running out of the room. Meredith hadn't looked at her mother. She had buried her head in her pillow and now the tears were beginning to fall._

Meredith woke up and shook the memory away from her mind. She heard laughing and talking coming from downstairs. She didn't want to deal with happiness right now so she rolled back over and went back to sleep.

"_What if Ethan and I want it? His parents will help us. They'll help us raise this baby and live happily!" Meredith screamed at her mother across the couch._

"_No! You aren't their child. They don't know you like I do. You can't do this. You can't be a mother. You are terminating this pregnancy. It's your fault that you got in this situation and now you have to deal with getting out. You would be a horrible mother. You can't have this child!" Ellis screamed back at her crying, yet angry daughter._

"_It's not up to you! This is my baby. And Ethan, Ethan loves me. We are going to have this baby. And we are going to have a family," Meredith said, gradually getting quieter as she continued._

"_Ethan doesn't love you. He wanted to get in your pants, which he obviously did. No man is going to love you. You're too easy. You're a tease. Ethan doesn't love you. As soon as you have this baby, he's going to leave you and you are going to be stuck with a child that you don't want but have to raise!" Ellis yelled back at her daughter before turning around and walking out of the house, slamming the door behind her._

_Meredith fell on the couch, crying. She began to realize what her mother meant. Meredith had been Ellis' unwanted child. The one she was left to raise. Then Meredith began to think that her mother could be right. If her father left her so easily, what would stop Ethan? She had only known him for a year and have been dating him for seven months. When you are a teenager that really isn't long enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life together. Meredith knew what she was going to have to do. Now all she had to figure out was the way to tell Ethan that he was no longer going to be a father.

* * *

_

After about an hour, Derek headed upstairs and into his room. Meredith was lying asleep and he laid down next to her, bringing her into his arms. She opened her eyes and felt him around her. She almost instantly began to cry silently. He felt her tense up and he pulled her closer. "It's okay, I know," he whispered into her ear as he caressed her cheek and dried her tears. She slowly calmed down.

"Derek, I'm a mess. I get drunk all the time. I can't function. If I have a baby, I'll be horrible. I'll be a horrible mother. I can't do it," Meredith said as she turned to bury her head into his chest.

Derek looked down at her trembling body, unsure of what to say. He didn't know what he could say that would fix this. Honestly, he wasn't sure what had broken it. He was so confused. He finally felt Meredith rest a little and he decided now he should say something, "Meredith? I know you. I know you will be an amazing mother. You can do it," Derek said. She looked up at him, "And, I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered before burying her head back into Derek.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36:  
****February 22, 2007- Virginia Beach, Virginia**

There was a knock on the door that woke both Meredith and Derek up. Meredith sighed, obviously upset that they were disturbed. Derek kissed her forehead as he lifted himself from under her and walked to the door. When he opened it, it revealed Anna.

"Sorry, Mom just wanted me to say that dinner is ready," Anna whispered, hoping that Meredith hadn't been woken.

"It's alright. I'll talk to Meredith. We might come down," Derek said. Anna nodded and offered a small smile before turning away to head back down the stairs.

Derek closed the door and turned back towards Meredith. She didn't look any happier than she had before. Derek sat back down on the bed and pulled her over to him. She laid her head back on his chest as Derek began to play with her tangled hair. "So what was this really about?" Derek asked, knowing that she didn't break down just because she was pregnant.

"There are things we don't know about each other," Meredith whispered almost silently.

"I know," Derek said, a little curious as to where this conversation was going.

"Like I didn't know about Addison. There are things about me that you don't know," Meredith said softly.

"Is there anything I should know?" Derek asked.

"Yes."

Derek got a little worried and stopped playing with her hair. He looked at her, "What?"

"Derek, I'm not married. The things you don't know won't change us," Meredith said as a shadow of doubt covered her, "At least I don't think."

"What don't I know?" Derek asked relaxing a little.

"I don't think I can tell you," Meredith said as she began to fidget with her fingers again, "I should, but it's hard."

Derek knew that just admitting she had secrets was hard for her. He didn't want to push her: he knew she wouldn't react well. "Okay, just know I love you," he said before kissing her on the forehead, "Tell me when you're ready." Meredith smiled and he could feel the tension in her body releasing as she drifted back into sleep.

* * *

Derek woke up and noticed that it was dark in the room. He'd obviously been sleeping for a while. He realized that Meredith wasn't with him and he jumped up, a little worried. Relief came over him as he looked to the side of the room. There was a recliner that he used to read in. It was green and really didn't match this room, but he'd always loved it. He wanted to bring it to college with him, but he couldn't fit it in his dorm and then when he got a house with Addison, he knew she found it hideous.

He smiled at the sight of seeing Meredith sitting in it, deep in though, twiddling with a bracelet on her wrist. He found himself believing that he could watch her like this forever. She hadn't noticed that he was looking at her or maybe she just didn't care. Derek couldn't tell. He slowly got off the bed and walked over to her.

She stood up once he reached her, which almost shocked him. He looked at her confused. She never looked up at him, but she grabbed his hands and led him over to the recliner. He sat down and she took her place on his lap, wrapping his hands around her own body. She rested her head on his shoulder, still not saying a word. The scent of lavender rushed through his body and he held back every urge to kiss her. He knew she was having a hard time about something and kissing would lead to sex, which was not what she needed right now.

Derek's hands were on Meredith's stomach, with hers covering them, keeping them in place. He could feel her breathing, but he knew that she held them there for other reasons. There was a life in there. A life they created. That made him so happy, yet scared out of his mind at the same time. He was used to being responsible for lives at work, but that was only for an amount of hours or days. This was different. He'd be responsible for a life nonstop. Every day. And the last reason this was different? He didn't even know this life and he'd already fallen in love with it.

"I was pregnant before," Meredith said quietly as she stared at the wall in front of her.

"What?" Derek asked a little surprised.

"Yes," she said calmly, hoping that Derek would get her tone of voice and calm down a little.

"When?" Derek asked. He began to hope it hadn't been with him. He couldn't imagine her carrying another man's baby, but if he'd been the father than that would be horrible. That would mean that she either had it terminated or lost it. Either way, he hadn't been there for her.

"When I was sixteen," she said. Derek could easily feel her tense up and he squeezed her hands tightly and held her close to his body, "My Mom wouldn't let me keep it. I wanted it so badly. I loved its father and I wanted more than anything to be a family."

Derek was trying to be supportive. He really was, but he couldn't stand hearing her say she loved another man. He knew that was selfish, because at one point in time he did love Addison, but still. He didn't like it. She could feel him tense up as well and she caressed his hands gently in response.

"Then he left me. He left me after I went through with it. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was going to kill our baby, but I knew I had to. I waited until after I did it, but he left me. He picked up everything a moved across the country to live with his Dad and his stepmother," Meredith said. She continued to try and pretend that it wasn't affecting her. She held in her tears and only let the words out. It was hard, but she had managed to do it.

"Mer," Derek said, unsure of what else he could say. He turned her body towards him and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her face to his shoulder. He kissed her hair as he felt the warm tears fall from her face down onto his shirt.

Her little body was trembling and Derek tried his best to calm it and to comfort her. He didn't know what she was going through and he had no idea how to make her feel better.

Meredith began to get worked up as her sobs continued, "Please Der," she muttered in between her tears. Derek released his grip a little so she could look up at him, "Please don't leave me." Derek hugged her tightly again as he kissed her hair and tried once again to calm her down.

"I promise, Mer. I will never leave you," Derek said. He began to choke back is own tears. He couldn't handle Meredith falling apart like this, but he knew that she needed him She needed him to be there. Just like his mother had said, he needs to just be there.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37:  
****February 23, 2007- Virginia Beach, Virginia**

Meredith and Derek woke up the next morning to the sunlight shinning through the windows. They were cuddled close and hadn't left the room all night. Derek slowly got out of bed and began changing for the day. Meredith watched him, knowing he didn't know that she was even awake. Once he'd fully changed, he turned back around and looked at her, "You know, it's not nice to watch people change without them knowing."

"Then maybe you shouldn't change in front of me," Meredith said with a smile, "I tend to think clothes are a little overrated anyways."

Derek began to walk over to her, "I thought we couldn't have sex at my parent's house?"

"It's Sunday right?" Meredith asked, receiving a nod from Derek, "And it's ten o'clock," Meredith said receiving another nod from Derek, "I think it's very probable that they are at church and will be for some time."

Derek smiled, "I think you might be right," he said as he sat down on the bed and began to crawl over towards Meredith.

"But we are at your parents house. In the bed you grew up in. That's a little dirty," she said making him stop moving.

He was almost hovering over her as his face fell, a little disappointed, but then a smile grew upon it again, "I don't think you are going to be able to stop me now."

"Oh really?" she asked as Derek looked down at her.

"Really," he said confidently as he lowered himself on top of her and began to kiss her.

"This is so wrong," she said breathlessly as Derek began kissing her neck.

"Yet, we're doing it," he chuckled as he brought his mouth back to hers.

* * *

Hours later they both stumbled down stairs, now fully dressed. Derek grabbed them both coffee, making sure Meredith's was decaf. She took a sip of it and looked at Derek, "This is completely pointless. I drink coffee for the caffeine."

"Well now, you don't get caffeine," he said noticing the oddly quiet atmosphere of the house.

"Then how am I supposed to be a doctor?" Meredith asked stealing a sip of his coffee.

"Let's focus on you in motherhood right now," Derek said, "Why is it so quiet in here?"

"Maybe because we're the only one's home," Meredith pointed out.

Derek looked at his watch, it was after noon, "Church is usually over by now. Where are they?" Derek stood up and walked over to the window in the dinning room, looking out over the lawn. "Mer, come here," he called out to the kitchen.

Meredith reluctantly got up and found him about to walk outside, "Where are you going?"

"They're outside," he said opening the door. She followed behind him, closing the door with one hand and wrapping the other one with Derek's.

"Nice to see you two up," Anna said as she saw them walk outside.

"What are you guys doing out here? Doesn't brunch usually follow church?" Derek asked.

"Yes, but the house was unusually loud today," Anna said with a smile that quickly turned Meredith's face red.

"Sorry about that," Derek said quietly.

"It's okay. We all understand," Anna said as she watched her three youngest kids play soccer around the yard.

Meredith was still hiding behind Derek, trying to suppress her laugh and hide her blushing as he turned around to whisper in her ear, "We're going out."

"What?"

"We're leaving. Well not going home, but we're leaving this house. We haven't stepped foot outside since we got here," Derek said. He looked over at Anna, "Mind if we leave for a little while?"

"Go ahead. It's your vacation," Anna said.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38:**

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked. They had driven through a lot of Virginia Beach. Now all she could see were random houses, farms, and lots of empty land.

"I can't tell you that," Derek said.

"Why not?"

"That would beat the point of me keeping it a secret for this long," Derek said with a smile.

Meredith rolled her eyes and directed her attention back to the road. It was a really small two-lane road, which she had noticed wasn't a very common thing in Virginia Beach unless you were in a neighborhood. The houses around here seemed older, but cute. After awhile the amount of houses slowly decreased and the open land became more frequent. Meredith kept looking around as Derek unexpectedly pulled off the road and stopped the car.

"Here we are."

"Where is here?" Meredith asked looking around at all the open land surrounding them.

Derek just smiled at her and got out of the car. He ran over to the other side and opened her door to help her out. He then grabbed her hand and led her down the side of the road. Meredith looked up at him and saw the huge smile on his face, "Derek? Why are you so happy?"

"Because I'm holding the hand of the love of my life and the soon-to-be mother of my child," he said, making Meredith smile as well.

They continued walking in a peaceful silence until they reached a small pathway the cut across one of the fields. Derek turned and led Meredith down it. "Where are we going, Derek?"

He laughed a little, "Meredith, I'm not telling you."

Meredith stopped and pulled him over to her. She kissed him tenderly, rapping her arms around his neck. She pulled away and looked at him, "Are you going to tell me now?"

He smiled and pulled her arms from his neck, intertwining their fingers together and heading down the path again, "Nope."

As they headed down the path, the grass on either side of them slowly began to be covered with beautiful wildflowers. Derek kept smiling and focusing on the path ahead of them and it was driving Meredith crazy. Finally they saw a small gazebo at the end. Derek led her on to the gazebo and he went over to one of the railings to look out over the flowers.

"It's beautiful, Derek," Meredith said as she took the sight in.

Derek smiled at her and watched her golden hair shine in the light and flow in the gentle breeze, "I'm looking at something much more beautiful."

Meredith turned her head and met his eyes, realizing what he meant. She blushed as she turned away and looked at her fingers that were wrapped around the railing. Derek moved close to her and placed his hand on the small of her back, covering her hands with his other. His head was right above her shoulder and she could feel his hot breath on her neck and it was sending shivers through her body.

"I used to come here all the time. It was the one place that I could relax. Just look out over everything and think. I'd come home from college just so I could come here. Everyone made fun of me for it too, but they just didn't understand. I was at peace when I was here and everything in my life was clear to me. After spending a few hours here, I could fix any problem in my life and I knew everything was going to be okay," Derek said looking out at the flowers as Meredith looked up at him."I've never brought anyone here before."

"Really?" Meredith asked quietly.

Derek nodded before continuing, "I stopped coming here. After everything with Addison, before I came to Seattle. The last time I came here was before Mark, but I still new everything was over. For some reason, no matter how much I spent here, I couldn't figure anything out. I couldn't figure out how to fix my marriage."

"Why'd you stop coming?"

"I found a new place. There was a new place that I could go whenever I felt lost, scared, or confused. It became the one place that I found peace and serenity. The one place that I was happy," Derek said.

"Where?"

"You," Derek said looking down at Meredith who just smiled. "I love you, Meredith."

"I love you too," Meredith said as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"I want you to know that I was going to bring you here before I found at about the baby. This was the real reason that I wanted to bring you to Virginia to begin with. I've wanted to do this for a long time," Derek said.

"Do what?" Meredith asked as Derek let go of her.

"This," Derek said as he slowly bent down and took a box out of his pocket. He looked back up at Meredith who was already tearing up, "Meredith Grey? Will you marry me?"

"Yes, I will marry you," Meredith said as Derek stood up and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a deep kiss. After a minute, he pulled away from her and slipped the ring on her finger. She looked down at the ring and then at Derek before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again.


	39. Chapter 39

**Make note of the time jump here. You might get a little confused, but things will be explained! I hope you enjoy it. This is basically the second part of the story…

* * *

**

**Chapter 39:  
****January 3, 2026- Seattle Washington**

Meredith closed the tattered notebook and looked up at the familiar faces of her children. They had both grown up to beautiful young ladies. Celine was eighteen now and Aimee was sixteen. Meredith still couldn't believe all the time that had gone by and all of the events that had taken place. Right now, her daughter's faces reflected her own: emotionless. They were both uncomfortably position in chairs in the hospital's waiting room.

Meredith was used to this hospital. She'd spent many hours for the last twenty years here, but this was different. She wasn't used to this side of it. She wasn't used to being part of the family that was desperately waiting for answers, for hope. She turned her attention back down to her frail hands that were grasped tightly around the small leather covered notebook.

It held a tale. A true one at that. It had been her project for more than a year. Derek, his sister Anna and Cristina had helped her a lot in putting in together. She'd wanted a story of her and Derek. One that she could read whenever she wanted to. One that brought memories back to life: both happy and sad.

She opened the notebook to the page she'd just read. That was where her and Derek's story ended. Then scraps of her family and the last eighteen years filled the pages. Small stories of Celine and Aimee. They all held secret value that only Meredith could completely understand. She'd kept this notebook close to her heart, especially lately. As Meredith's fingertips grazed the black ink, footsteps struck against the floor of the darkened halls. Meredith looked up as her daughter's heads raised to meet the eyes of a man in a familiar white jacket. The night sky was beaming through the large hospital walls, making the background for the scene that would change their lives.

They all stood up, approaching the Doctor, but leaving a comfortable distance. As his mouth opened and words stung through the air; Meredith heard every word, but didn't process a syllable. Her vision blurred as her mind drifted back to when it all started. When their newfound happy life started falling apart.

_Meredith's eyes opened in the dark. She turned to Derek and found the source of the noise that had disturbed her sleep. Derek was sitting up, the covers thrown off him, overlapping the covers that were already hanging on Meredith's body. He was hunched over, coughing incessantly. This wasn't a new occurrence. This is the way it had been for a week. Not just in the night times either: in the car, at the table, in the hospital cafeteria, in a patient's room, and sometimes even in the OR. Apparently not everything can escape the OR's serenity. _

_Meredith quickly sat up and placed her arms around Derek, trying to calm him down. She didn't know what else she could do. He slowed down his coughing and took a swig of the bottle of water that had begun to place permanent rings of condensation on his bedside table. He slowly caught his breath and turned towards his worried wife. His face was flushed and his eyes were tired. Meredith didn't know what to do other than give him a worried glance._

"This is going to be hard to hear. Just so you know, we've all been on top of this case since he became a patient. None of us want to lose such a brilliant surgeon, or such a brilliant man."

"_Its just bronchitis," the Doctor told her and Derek for the fourth time that year. Just bronchitis. How about never ending bronchitis? Meredith looked down at the hand holding on tightly to her husband and then up at him. It seemed as though every time he got better, every time their life got back on track, he'd get sick again. She knew he felt guilty. He felt like he'd put a stop to their lives. Not only to him and his wife's, but to his children's as well. It was slowly killing him inside._

"We had our suspicions as to what it could be. He has all of the symptoms of lung cancer: coughing that continues to get worse, constant chest pain, coughing up blood, shortness of breath, repeated problems with bronchitis, swelling of the neck, fatigue, lose of appetite."

"_Derek? Derek!" Meredith said suddenly terrified. She got out of bed. Derek was in the bathroom. She could see the light peering from under the door and she could hear his painful moans. She hurried across their darkened room that held the light shinning on the inevitable. She pushed the door open and revealed a sight that she would never be able to push out of her mind. _

_Her usually strong, held up, confident husband, the love of her life, that wasn't at all what she saw. Her eyes met a man, a stranger. He was wearing her husband's gray tee shirt and his blue and green plaid pajama pants, but that wasn't her husband. He was hunched over the sink in unbearable pain. Meredith's eyes drifted to the sink. She'd never felt so weak after the sight of blood._

"We've done a range of tests from an MRI, a CT scan, a bone scan, and a mediastinoscopy. We've been able to unfortunately diagnose your husband with non-small cell lung cancer."

_Meredith's pager went off. She ran down the hall towards the OR. Derek had been in surgery. It was the first surgery he'd been cleared for in a month. She flew into the scrub room and took a deep breath before looking through the windows that displayed a scene that seemed completely unreal. _

_Many surgeons and nurses, some that Meredith didn't even recognize, were helping Derek onto a gurney. He was grapping at his chest, searching for air and it was reluctant to come. Bailey was standing at his side, trying to calm him down, trying to help him catch his breath. They began to push him out of the OR. They were gone before Meredith had even realized that she hadn't exhaled._

"It's is very advanced. It's in its fourth and last stage. Unfortunately we have no cure. We can offer a few procedures to prolong his time, but I'm so sorry. That's all we have," the Doctor finished.

Just like that day in the scrub room, everything became surreal. Her daughters wrapped their arms around each other, crying out in desperation and sorrow. She hadn't moved. The Doctor gave them a half-hearted smile, "You can see him if you'd like."

Celine and Aimee looked up at their mother. They'd never seen her this way before. She was completely pale and her eyes were glossed over. Before they could react, she began to fall.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40:  
April 22, 2007- Seattle Washington**

_Derek stood at the alter. Beside him were, George, Preston, and Anna's husband Joshua: all his groomsmen. On the opposite side of him stood the Priest. Then there were Meredith's bridesmaids, Cristina, Izzie, and Anna. Derek was trying to stand still and be calm, but his palms were sweating. He couldn't believe that this day was finally here. After all the things that had happened, they were finally getting married._

_As the music begins and the guests all rise, Derek's eyes find their way to Meredith's. Derek's father, Alley, had his arm locked with Meredith's as he led her down the aisle in between all of their friends and family. Derek felt relief as Meredith looked into his eyes. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. At least that was what he kept telling himself as she inched further. _

_Finally the music stopped and Meredith did as well. She was still a few feet behind Derek as everyone sat down and turned their attention to the Priest, "We are gathered here today in the sight of God and angels, and the presence of friends and loved ones, to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words which shall unite Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey in holy matrimony."_

"_Marriage is a most honorable estate, created and Instituted by God, signifying unto us the mystical union, which also exists between Christ and the Church; so too may this marriage be adorned by true and abiding love. Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."_

_Everyone looked around the silent room. No one said a word. Derek couldn't help but smile. Everything really was going to be okay. Meredith and Alley took a step forward so that they were aligned with Derek. "Who is it that brings this woman to this man?" the Priest asks._

"_I do," Alley answers, "On behalf of her friends and family." Alley looks at Derek and smiles before placing Meredith's hand in his. Derek takes hold of it and smiles at Meredith who he could already tell had tears welding up in her eyes. _

_As the Priest began to speak again, they never took their eyes off each other, "Derek and Meredith, life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together. Love is give to us by our family and friends. We learn to love by being loved. Learning to love and living together is one of life's greatest challenges and is the shared goal of a married life."_

_Tears were slowly falling down Meredith's cheeks, despite the fact that she was smiling. She couldn't believe that this was finally happening. Everything was finally coming together and going to be okay. "But a husband and wife should not confuse love of worldly measures for even if worldly success is found, only love will maintain a marriage. Mankind did not create love; love is created by God. The measure of true love is a love both freely given and freely accepted, just as God's love of us is unconditional and free."_

"_Today truly is a glorious day the Lord hath made - as today both of you are blessed with God's greatest of all gifts - the gift of abiding love and devotion between a man and a woman. All present here today - and those here in heart - wish both of you all the joy, happiness and success and the world has to offer."_

"_As you travel through life together, I caution you to remember that the true measure of success, the true avenue to joy and peace, is to be found within the love you hold in your hearts. I would ask that you hold the key to your heart very tightly."_

_Derek looked over at Meredith and saw the tears gently streaming down her face. He'd never been so happy at the sight of tears. He could tell by the smile on her face that she was as happy and amazed as he was. This was finally their day. "Within the Bible, nothing is of more importance that love. We are told the crystalline and beautiful truth: "God is Love". We are assured that "Love conquers all". It is love, which brings you here today, the union of two hearts and two spirits. As your lives continue to interweave as one pattern, remember that it was love that brought you here today, it is love that will make this a glorious union, and it is love, which will cause this union to endure," the Priest took a moments rest and then spoke again, "Would you please face each other and join hands?"_

_Derek and Meredith slowly turned so that they were facing each other and interlocked both hands, resting between them. Derek smiled and Meredith's tears slowed. "Derek Shepherd do you take Meredith Grey to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only to her forevermore?"_

_Derek smiled again at Meredith and squeezed her hands. He never took his eyes off of her as he said the words that would change everything, "I do."_

_The Priest turned towards Meredith, "Meredith Grey do you take Derek Shepherd to be your Husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only to him forevermore?"_

_Meredith smiled at Derek. This was their day. Their moment and she couldn't be more ecstatic, "I do."_

_Suddenly they both relaxed and relief flew over them once again. They were almost there. Almost husband and wife. "A marriage ceremony represents one of life's greatest commitments, but also is a declaration of love. I wish to read to you what Paul wrote of love in a letter to the Corinthians a long time ago. I believe this is a true model of love, and it is a model of love I would hope you both would pursue in your marriage: _

"_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always preserves."_

"_Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears."_

"_When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."_

"_And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these are love."_

_Those words resonated throughout Meredith's mind. She'd been lucky enough to experience the greatest thing the world has to offer: love. And not only that, but she'd been able to keep it and she didn't plan on ever letting it or Derek go. "You may now say your vows."_

_Derek opened his mouth and spoke the traditional vows, "I, Derek Shepherd, take thee Meredith Grey to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore." At that moment he was happy they had decided to do the traditional ones. He wasn't sure that he could have fathomed up any original words to describe his feelings at this moment. The feeling he got when he looked into Meredith's eyes was just indescribable. _

"_I, Meredith Grey, take thee Derek Shepherd to be my Husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore," Meredith said, her smile growing the entire time. She held tightly on to Derek. She wasn't sure if she'd still be able to stand up without his touch in this moment. Their moment._

"_Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace, signifying to all the uniting of this man and this woman in marriage," the Priest said as Alley handed a gorgeous ring to Derek._

_Derek took the ring and turned back to Meredith, "With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen," Derek said as he slowly slipped the ring onto Meredith's thin finger._

_Meredith then turned to Cristina who handed her Derek's simple band. Meredith looked up back into Derek's eyes: the eyes that Meredith loved. "With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen," she recited as she slipped the ring on to his strong finger._

_Everyone's eyes were on Meredith and Derek. They could feel it, but they didn't care. They were too lost in each other to even hear the Priest speaking again, "Derek and Meredith, as the two of you come into this marriage uniting you as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together - as from this day forward you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge, your marriage strengthened by your love and respect."_

"_Dear heavenly Father, our hearts are filled with great happiness on Derek and Meredith's wedding day, as they come before You pledging their hearts and lives to one another. Grant that they may be ever true and loving, living together is such a way as to never bring shame or heartbreak into their marriage. Temper their hearts with kindness and understanding, rid them of all pretense of jealousy. Help them to remember to be each other's sweetheart, helpmate, friend and guide, so that together they may meet the cares and problems of life more bravely. And with the passage of time, may the home they are creating today, truly be a place of love and harmony, where your spirit is ever present. Bless this union we pray, and walk beside them throughout all their lives together. We ask these things in Jesus name, amen," the Priest said. _

_Derek smiled and squeezed Meredith's hand again, feeling the ring on her finger and knowing what came next in the ceremony. They were almost there. "Derek and Meredith, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the giving of these rings and the joining of your hands, I now declare you to be husband and wife," the Priest said, "Congratulations, you may kiss the bride."_

_Derek didn't even realize he'd been holding his breath. He quickly wrapped his arms around Meredith's body and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss despite the fact that two hundred people were all watching them. They didn't care. They'd finally done it. They'd finally made it. When they pulled away, everyone else came back into focus. Everyone was standing up and cheering. Even Cristina had a smile on her face. "I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Derek Shepherd," the Priest proudly said before Meredith and Derek retreated down the aisle. They'd finally done it. They were finally husband and wife._


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41:**

**January 4, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith opened her eyes. She couldn't remember where she was. All she could think about was the memory that was still fresh in her mind. As she tried to sit up, everything came floating back. The Doctor. The tests. The cancer. Derek. She looked around. Her daughters were watching her with worried looks on their faces and she found herself lying in a hospital bed.

"Mom? Are you okay? You passed out," Celine said as she grabbed Meredith's hand.

"Yes, I'm fine," Meredith said taking deep breaths, "Where is your father?"

"He's just down the hall. We've already seen him," Celine said, trying to comfort her mother.

"I need to see him," she said getting up,

"Woah, Mom. You just had a panic attack. You need to lie down," Celine said, pushing her mother back down.

"Celine, I suggest you take your hands off of me or you will seriously regret it," Meredith said in a forceful tone.

"Mom, the Doctor said you can't leave," Celine said, not letting her mom go.

"I don't give a damn what the stupid Doctor said. I'm a Doctor too and I say I'm just fine. If the stupid Doctor comes back just say I'm in the bathroom!" Meredith said forcing her way up.

"Stupid Doctor? Now I know you aren't talking about me," Bailey said coming into the room, "Or thinking about getting up."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked in a weak voice as she lay back on the bed.

"Yes, seriously," Bailey said with a smile on her face.

* * *

"Dr. Bailey, you have to let me see him," Meredith pleaded hours later. 

"You aren't ever going to shut up are you?" Bailey asked.

"You can't tell a person that her husband has cancer and then refuse to let her see him!" Meredith complained.

Bailey sighed and walked over to Meredith, "I'm not going to do this because I like you. Because I don't. I'm just going to let you see him so you'll shut up. Is that understood?" Meredith nodded, "But you are going in a wheelchair. I don't want to find you on the floor somewhere, understood?" Meredith nodded again and Celine and Aimee helped their mother into a wheelchair.

"Just let me go by myself. We need this right now," Meredith said.

Bailey looked at her for a moment, but could see the desperation in her eyes, "Fine. He's in room 2324." Meredith nodded and smiled before turning out of the room.

Meredith wheeled herself down the familiar halls of Seattle Grace until she reached 2324. She almost couldn't make herself go in. She wanted to see her husband, not the weak man she was sure to find inside. As she finally did open the door, her heart slowly broke.

Once she was in the safety of the room, she got out of her wheelchair and hurried over to Derek's side. She placed his hand in between both of hers as she looked down over her husband. He slowly turned his face towards hers and saw the tears rolling down her face.

"Don't cry, Mer," he said in a weak tone.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said as she wiped the tears from her face.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," Derek said.

"How can you know that?" Meredith asked as she sat down next to Derek on his bed.

"In sickness and in health?" he asked.

"In sickness and in health," she answered.

"That's how I know."

He smiled at Meredith, but all she could was cry harder. Derek pulled her down a little and she slowly laid down next to him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her and she silently cried into his chest, until she drifted off to sleep.


	42. Chapter 42

**I know you all are upset about the change of events, but just keep with the story! When I started writing this forever ago, I actually had no plan for any of this to happen, but as many writers say: stories have minds of their own! **

**If you guys read any of my other stories like Delicate, It All Comes Down To This, or To Be With You (Updates coming!) then I just wanted to let you know that I've decided to put another story on here that I wrote a long time ago. It's called 'Almost Perfect' and I hope you all read that as well! It's different from what I usually write. It's actually much lighter!  
**

**And if you don't read any of my other stories, I think you should, but I guess I'm a little biased!**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 42:**

**October 29, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

_"Meredith, she's beautiful," Derek whispered leaning over his wife and their newborn child._

_"She is," Meredith responded, her eyes locked on the small baby in her arms._

_"I can't believe we made this," Derek said, "We made a family, Mer."_

_"We did," Meredith said smiling._

* * *

**January 4, 2026- Seattle Washington**

Meredith woke up smiling. She opened her eyes and met Derek's. Another reason to smile. Then things once again slowly started coming back to her and that smile slowly disintegrated.

"How'd you sleep?" Derek asked.

"Better than last night," Meredith said. Last night she had slept alone. Derek had been in the hospital and all of her friends had forced her to go home.

"Good. I don't want you sleeping alone anymore," Derek said.

"I don't want to either," Meredith said, a stray tear falling down her face.

"What did I say about this crying thing?" Derek asked.

"I'm sorry, I just can't help it," Meredith muttered as Derek's thumb wiped it away.

"It's okay. We're just going to have to monitor your water intake, that's all," he said smiling, making Meredith smile as well, "See I knew you had it in you. I love your smile. You really should show it off more often."

"Derek? How can you act like everything is okay?"

"Meredith?" Derek asked making Meredith look him in the eye, "Right now, I'm lying down with my arms wrapped around the most important person in my life: the woman I love. Right now, everything is okay."

"But what happens when I can't be beside you? And when other people are around? Like the doctors and what if.. what if…" Meredith trailed off. She couldn't finish her thought. At least not out loud. Despite the fact that she didn't want to for Derek's sake, she began to cry again.

Derek pulled her in tightly, "You always can be beside me. If not physically, I know you'll be there emotionally. And when my eyes are on you, everyone else in the world disappears so I don't care about the Doctors or anyone else," Derek said deciding not to comment on the last part. He knew what she was going to say. He didn't want to have to tell her that he was scared to. Scared that she'd have to wake up without him.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43:**

**January 5, 2026- Seattle Washington**

Meredith woke up and realized a new day had started. She must have slept for at least twelve hours: not a very common thing when you're a surgeon. She forgot where she was until she looked next to her on the small hospital bed and realized she was alone. Then things started clicking together: she was in a hospital room. Derek's hospital room. Without Derek. She was in Derek's bed and he wasn't there.

She jumped up and ran out of the room towards her own. She found her daughters, both half asleep in the room. "Where is he? What did they do to him?" she yelled frantically.

Celine and Aimee both immediately woke up, "Woah, Mom. Calm down," Celine said as she wrapped her arms around her mother and made her sit down, "What are you talking about?"

"Your father. He was there when I went to sleep, but now… now…" she began to cry, once again unable to finish her sentence.

"Mom, it's okay," Celine whispered.

"Okay? What the hell do you mean okay? It's not okay!" Meredith yelled.

Celine was almost scared. She'd never seen her mother like this. She was completely falling apart. "Mom, he's fine. He's just being treated right now. He told us not to wake you."

"What?" Meredith asked, stopping her tears.

"He's fine. He'll be back soon," Celine said as she brought her mother into a hug.

* * *

A little while later, Meredith stepped into Derek's room. When he saw her, he immediately lit up. Meredith walked over to him and sat on the side of his bed.

"I'm going to go home," he told her casually.

"What?" she asked, a little surprised.

"I'm going home with you and Celine and Aimee," he said.

"What?" she asked again.

"I've spent so much of my last twenty years here. I don't want to spend my last days here," Derek said.

Meredith looked at him with a desolate look. _Last Days. His last days_. "You need the treatment, Derek. We can't just go home."

"I'm not going to waste my time here, just sitting around losing my hair. Besides, I like my hair. And you like my hair. I'm not sure you would like me as much without my hair," Derek joked with a smile on his face.

Meredith was amazed that he managed to keep a smile despite everything that was happening and everything yet to come. He was right. Being here was only going to make his last days miserable and that's not what she wanted. Really she didn't want it to be his last days, but if they had to come so soon, she should at least respect his wishes, "Okay. We can go home."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44:**

**January 12, 2026- Seattle Washington**

Meredith had taken time off of work. She didn't work when she could spend time with Derek. She had only a limited idea of the time they had left and she didn't want to miss a second of it. The girls continued going to school, but they had forgotten almost every other aspect of their life. They were as tormented by this as their mother was. They need to be there with their father. The four of them had always been close; Meredith had made sure of it just so they wouldn't have to be raised like she was. But now it was different. The perfect family that they once formed was falling apart.

After crying for days and moping around the house, Meredith finally forced herself to realize that that wasn't helping. It was probably hurting Derek more than anything; making him feel guilty for something he couldn't control. So now she had made a resolution. She would be happy. Or at least pretend to be happy. After all, the mind is very gullible. If you lie to it enough, you tend to start believing it. And this way she'd be able to make more memories with Derek.

Meredith woke up with Derek beside her, his arms wrapped around her. She could tell he was still asleep and she didn't move. She didn't want to lose this. She wanted to savor it. It was times like these where she was with Derek, but he was lost in his own world, that she let her guard down. She let the smile drift from her face and her eyes become surrounded with tears. She stopped letting them fall, but she knew they were there.

As she saw Derek's eyes flutter open, she let the fake smile once again become plastered to her face. "Good morning, beautiful," he muttered as he forced himself awake.

"Good morning, McDreamy," she said with a little giggle

"McDreamy, huh? When did that start anyways?" he asked, rolling on top of her.

"Cristina."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," he said smiling as he kissed her.

"Derek. Remember what Dr. Henderson said," she said, interrupting their make out session.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," he said, beginning to kiss her again.

"Derek."

"Okay, fine," Derek said as he rolled off her, "I'll be a good boy."

* * *

After Meredith and Derek had finally forced themselves out of bed, Meredith decided they needed to do something. "We should dance," she said smiling.

Derek looked up at her from the couch. "Dance?"

"Yes, dance. You said you don't dance in public, but we are home by ourselves so you don't have any excuses," Meredith said as she pulled him off the couch.

"Dance?" he asked again once he was standing up.

"Please?" Meredith asked beginning to pout.

"Fine," Derek said as he began to twirl her around their living room.

**There are no guarantees in life  
Not for the present,  
Nor for the future.  
All I know is  
That I'm here;  
Don't know for how long.**

As Derek lost himself in the musicless dance, he was mesmerized by Meredith's smile. He couldn't imagine not having that smile by his side. Her golden brown hair flowing through the hair almost made is heart sunk. He couldn't leave this. Not now.

**I love the way  
You live so intensely  
Enjoy every minute of life  
With space to swing  
Your arms around  
Laughing loudly**

Anyone with eyes could tell that Meredith wasn't really this happy. No matter how many smiles she wore or jokes she threw out, no one could mask the look in her eyes. No matter how much Derek knew this, he couldn't force himself to tell her to stop. He didn't want to see her cry anymore. He'd seen too much of that before this cancer thing ever came about.

**Unlike me  
Unlike me  
Do you think I'm strange?  
Unlike you  
Unlike you  
I am not pretending**

Derek tried. He really did. Just for her, he tried to smile. Sometimes it came easier than other times, but it was becoming increasingly harder. His coughing fits were becoming even more unbearable and his chest continued to tighten nonstop. No matter how much it hurt, he didn't say anything. He at least could keep his mouth shut and not worry Meredith more than she already was.

**There is no time,  
There is no time,  
There is no time,  
Time doesn't really exist.**

Meredith didn't know, but they'd given him a new life expectancy. It's shorter than it was before. He didn't have the heart to tell her. As the days counted down, he knew it would get harder on her to pretend, so he just acted like he was never told that he might only have a month or two left.

**The past, the present,  
And the future,  
Are all side by side,  
Hand in hand.  
You move and change,  
Yet you go nowhere:  
Everything stays the same.**

Yet, right now, doing the most physically demanding thing he'd done in weeks, he couldn't feel any pain. All he could feel was Meredith's hair gently grazing his face as she spun and her fingertips wrapped with his own. He could feel her laugh going through his body, savoring it as if it might be the last he ever hears. Her smile finally becoming genuine becomes captured in his soul. He didn't want to let go of this moment, this feeling. He didn't want to let go of her.

**You stare at me,  
And ask me questions,  
Makes me nervous,  
This room it keeps a constant tone  
While I'm on a roller coaster**

He knew there were thoughts flying through her head. Unanswered questions and so many other things, but she kept them inside. She did it for him, just like everything else she did anymore. Derek knew he wasn't completely facing the issue with his health. Only in his mind would he admit the fatal outcome that was headed for them. He never would say it out loud. At least this way he wouldn't be able to hear his own voice ringing through his ears.

**Unlike me  
Unlike me  
Do you think I'm strange  
Unlike you  
Unlike you  
I am not pretending**

Derek still couldn't feel his pain. He knew it was there, beckoning at him, but he refused to surrender to it. Right now, he had one last chance to make his wife genuinely happy and he was going to take advantage of it, no matter what strain it put on him physically. His breath began to shorten, but he took no notice of it. He continued to dance with his wife as if there was no tomorrow. After all, there might not be.

**There is no time  
There is no time  
There is no time  
Time doesn't really exist**

Derek's smile matched Meredith's and he could tell it lifted her spirits. He was so happy that he could make her smile like this, a real Meredith smile, something that had become quiet rare lately. Before he even noticed, he was slowing down and so was she. A worried look took over her smile as she stared into his eyes.

**There is no time  
There is no time  
There is no time**

She watched as he let go of her hand and grabbed his own chest. He was searching for air and he couldn't find it. Meredith went pale and she froze. She was a doctor. She should be able to handle this, but for some reason she couldn't. Before she had been able to make herself move, he fell to the ground and everything went black.

**Time doesn't really exist**


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45:**

**January 12, 2026- Seattle Washington**

"Mrs. Shepherd, Derek just had a small scare. He is going to recover from it just fine," Dr. Henderson told Meredith who instantly let go of the breath she'd been holding since he walked over to her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

Meredith bit her lip, thinking she didn't want to know the answer, but she decided to ask anyways, "Is it... Is it going to progress his cancer?"

"Mrs. Shepherd, Derek is doing very well. So far we haven't seen anything in his tests that show that the cancer has progressed since we originally released him. He is doing amazingly well, especially considering that he has declined chemotherapy and radiation," Dr. Henderson continued, "Honestly, he shouldn't be doing this well. I don't know why he is."

* * *

"Cristina?" Derek said sitting up in his bed. That was definitely not he person he expected to walk through that door.

Cristina looked at him and closed the door. She headed over the chair by Derek's bed. She could tell she was freaking him out. "You don't want to get rid of your stupid hair. That's it, right?"

"What?" Derek asked.

"That's why you won't do chemo or radiation," Cristina said.

"It's not the hair. I just don't want to spend my last days lying in a bed in this stupid hospital," Derek said a little aggravated.

"Look, Meredith couldn't handle looking at your tests, but I know she would want to, so I did. I've been following your case from the first chest x-ray you had here. You've refused treatment, yet your cancer isn't getting worse. For being in the fourth stage, do you understand how rare that is?" Cristina asked.

"I did go to medical school."

"Cut the crap and seriously listen to me," Cristina said. She was actually beginning to surprise Derek, but then again she was surprising herself, "Your body is finding some way to fight this. With the aid of treatment, you could pull through this. You could."

"That's rare Cristina. Rare."

"Fighting off non-small cell lung cancer in its most advanced stage is rare too, but you are doing it, aren't you?" Cristina asked.

"I guess."

"If you forgo treatment, you will probably end up being in the hospital for things like this anyways. You should do this treatment. Do it for Meredith. She deserves to have you around a little longer," Cristina said.

"I don't want treatment. Meredith and I have already made that decision."

"No, Derek," Cristina said standing up and heading to the door, "You've made that decision. Meredith just doesn't want you to feel bad, but I'm the one that she calls at three in the morning crying. She won't say these things to you because she doesn't want you feel guilty. Well, I have no problem making you feel guilty. Just do it for Meredith. She deserves for you to try."

Before Derek could respond, Cristina walked out of the room; leaving him by himself to think about the choices he's made.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46:**

**January 13, 2026- Seattle Washington**

"Okay, Mr. Shepherd. All we need to do is fill out your discharge papers and you can go home," Dr. Henderson said to Derek once he walked into his room the next day.

The sun was shinning through the windows as Derek lay on his bed. Meredith sat next to him holding tightly to his hand. Once Dr. Henderson closed the door behind him, Derek responded, "Actually, before you do that, I'd like to talk to you about something."

Dr. Henderson walked over to the bed and looked at Meredith who seemed confused. "I want to talk to you about the chemotherapy and the other treatment options," Derek said.

Meredith and Dr. Henderson were both a little surprised, "Derek? Are you sure?" Meredith asked, "I thought you didn't want treatment."

"If my body is stopping it from progressing then treatment could cure it, right?" Derek said, leaving room for Dr. Henderson to confirm his statement.

"Curing this cancer in the last stage is very rare," Dr. Henderson said after sighing heavily, "But what your body has managed to do is also very rare. If you begin chemotherapy, the only thing it's going to do is try and eliminate the symptoms and pain."

"What can I do for a cure?" Derek asked as Meredith squeezed his hand tightly.

"We can perform cryosurgery. I'm sure you two are familiar with it. We'll freeze the tumor in your lung and destroy the cancer tissue," Dr. Henderson explained, "It may only destroy part of it, but it's a possible cure."

Derek looked up at Meredith. Despite the fact that she was trying desperately to hide it, he could tell she was happy that he was looking at treatment options. Cristina was right. Him refusing treatment wasn't what Meredith had wanted at all. She was just doing it for him.

"Is there any way I can chose my surgeon?" Derek asked receiving another confused look from Meredith.

"I supposed since you are a surgeon here that wouldn't be a problem," Dr. Henderson said.

"The only person I completely trust my life with is my wife, but I understand that that is against the rules. Since I can't have her, I'd want Chief Burke to perform it," Derek said.

"Preston?" Meredith asked.

"I saved his life, he saves mine. It's only fair," Derek said with a smile.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47:**

**February 3, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

The nurses quickly finished prepping Derek for surgery and got ready to transfer him to the OR.

"Can we have a moment?" Derek asked looking at the nurse who kindly nodded and then walked out of the room.

Derek looked up at Meredith who was standing next to Derek holding tightly on to his hand, smiling down on him, "I'll be right there. Right there in that gallery the entire time. I promise."

"No," Derek said, trying to hold back his tears.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"You can't. You can't be there," Derek said.

"Derek, I,"

"No, Meredith," Derek said interrupting her, "You can't be there. I can't let you watch if I… if something… if something happens."

Meredith's eyes began to fill with tears, "Derek, nothing is going to happen. Preston is amazing and you've been doing great. You've already been through a cycle of your chemotherapy. Everything's been fine. Nothing's going to happen."

"Just promise me, Meredith. Promise that you won't be there," Derek said as Meredith slowly nodded. He lifted up his hand and gently wiped her tears, "Just wait with the girls. Wait for me to come back to you."

"Okay," she mumbled.

"And if I don't-"

"No, Derek. Don't talk like that," Meredith said as her tears began to flow faster down her cheeks.

"And if I don't," he repeated stubbornly, "Don't fall apart. Be strong. Be there for our daughters on the days they graduate. And on their wedding days and when our grandchildren are born. Be there and be my Meredith. Be there for me because I'll be there through you."

Meredith was still crying and slowly shaking her head, "No, Derek. Nothing is going to happen. Don't think like that."

"Meredith, just promise me. Promise me you aren't going to change. Don't ever let anything change you," Derek said still trying to be strong. Despite all of his efforts, the tears that had been fighting the urge to fall from his deep blue eyes finally found their way down his face.

"Okay, I promise."

"Dr. Shepherd? It's time," the nurse said peeking back into the room.

Meredith quickly wiped her tears and tried to make herself look fine. "I love you," Derek said as he pulled Meredith down for a kiss.

After reluctantly letting go, Meredith gave his hand one last squeeze, "I love you too, Derek." As the nurse came in and began to push Derek away from Meredith, she gently let go of his hand, her eyes never leaving his, "I'll wait for you Derek," she called back out to him and then repeated quietly to herself, "I'll wait for you."

* * *

**April 22, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

_"Mrs. Shepherd? Would you like a glass of champagne?" Derek asked in the most serious, deepest voice he could manage to say as he gently placed Meredith down on the hotel room bed, still dressed in her wedding dress._

_"Champagne? When have I ever drank champagne in front of you except for at the reception?" Meredith asked as he stepped over to the mini-bar._

_"Would tequila suit you better?" he asked, continuing his voice._

_"No, but I know what would," she said with a smile._

_"Really?" Derek asked, forgetting about his act._

_"Yes, come here and I'll tell you," Meredith said motioning for him to come to her. Derek returned her smile as he walked over to her. She was lying down on the bed and he looked down at her. "Come closer," she said as he bent down and met her gaze at her level._

_"What can I get you?" Derek asked, resuming his act._

_Meredith smile, "You," she said as she grabbed his tie and pulled him over to her for a kiss. Before she let go, she pulled him on to the bed and on top of her, knowing that this was exactly how she wanted to spend her wedding night._

* * *

**February 3, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Mom? Mom?"

"Hmm, what?" Meredith said as she slowly opened her eyes.

"You were about to fall out of your chair," Aimee told her mother.

Meredith realized that her daughter was right and quickly straightened herself out. She looked down at her watch. She left Derek two hours ago and she knew that they always took awhile to start the surgeries, meaning he still had a long way to go.

_Wait for me to come back to you. _His words continued to echo in her mind as if they'd be his last.

**When your heart is all alone every second  
Seems so long  
When it's just you, you can't see through  
Those ol' clouds that rain so blue **

Derek looked up at the ceiling. He'd been in this OR so many times. More times then he could count. It was just different now. He wasn't walking from the scrub room about to place his gloves on. He wasn't about to save someone else's life. This time Burke was the one walking in from the scrub room. And this time he was the one risking his life.

**But when somebody loves you  
There's nothing you can't do  
When somebody loves you  
It's easy to get through  
When somebody loves you  
The way I love you**

Meredith waited. She kept looking at her watch constantly; only minutes were going by. She couldn't sit still anymore. She began pacing around in circles and she could tell by the strange stares from her daughters that she was clearly scaring them. But honestly, she was scaring herself. She'd never been so worried before. So terrified that this could be it. This could the end of everything.

**When it's late, the sun hangs low  
By yourself, nowhere to go  
Sing a song, you dance alone  
Play solitaire and stare at the phone**

She couldn't help but feel completely alone despite the massive amount of people in the hospital. The thing that scared her the most was that there were things going on right now that could force her to feel that way for the rest of her life. She wanted to go up into that gallery. See Derek's face. See it when he was alive, just in case she never got that chance again. She wanted to make sure that everything was okay.

**But when somebody loves you  
There's nothing you can't do  
When somebody loves you  
It's easy to get through  
When somebody loves you  
The way I love you**

"Okay, Derek. Count back from 100," Burke said looking down at Derek.

"Preston, wait," Derek said making Burke stop instantly, "If anything happens, just tell Meredith that I love her. And the girls, tell them that I love them. Don't let anything happen to them. Don't let Meredith fall apart. Help her be happy."

"It's time, Derek," Burke said as the anesthesia slowly slipped into Derek.

"100.. 99…… 98…..97….."

**So let's put aside our foolish pride  
And let our hearts say hello  
We both agree we're just no good  
At bein' on our own**

But Meredith couldn't. She couldn't go up there. She had to keep her promise to Derek. She said she'd wait with her daughters and that was something she was going to do. If it was the last thing she could do for Derek, she was going to keep her promise.

**'Cause when somebody loves you  
There's nothing you can't do  
When somebody loves you  
It's easy to get through  
When somebody loves you  
The way I love you  
**

_Don't break down. Don't break down. Derek said to be strong. Be strong. Be strong for Derek. For your daughters. You have to do this, Meredith. You have to. Just do it. How am I supposed to do this? Where am I supposed to get this strength from? I don't have it. I've never had it. The only thing I've ever been able to rely on is Derek's love. Okay, there's something. Derek loves me. He'll come back. He won't keep me waiting. I can do this. I can be strong. Derek loves me. That's all I need._

**The way I love you  
The way I love you**


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48:**

**February 3, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Burke slowly placed his tools down and walked out of the OR and walked into the empty scrub room. He took off his gloves and his mask before turning on the water. As he washed his hands, he saw the gallery slowly empty. There had been so many people in there hoping for Derek's survival and now they were all walking out.

As Burke dried his hands, the scrub room door opened and Derek's doctor walked in. They exchanged a glance before saying anything. Burke threw away the paper towel before Dr. Henderson said anything, "He wasn't supposed to survive."

* * *

Meredith looked at her watch. It'd been four hours. She'd already dragged her daughters around the first floor of the hospital twice. She'd made them eat the nasty hospital food that she's basically lived off of since she was an intern. And now they were forcing her to sit down and breath. Four hours. They should be done. That means that Dr. Henderson should be coming soon. With news. News that will change the course of their life no matter what it is. Either they can get back on the track they'd been on over a year ago, or they fall even farther away from it. The hard part is just deciding which is worse: not knowing or knowing the worst is the truth. 


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49:**

**February 3, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"_He wasn't supposed to survive."_

"What?" Preston asked.

"He wasn't supposed to. Don't get me wrong, I wanted him to. I know he deserved to, but all medical evidence said that he didn't have a chance. Everything said that he wasn't strong enough to pull through this surgery," Dr. Henderson said.

"There are things stronger than any surgeon or piece of medical evidence," Preston said.

"Like a superior power?"

"Like love," he answered before opening the door. Knowing that Dr. Henderson didn't understand, he turned around and looked back, "If it hadn't been for Meredith, I don't think he would have made it."

* * *

"Mrs. Shepherd?" Dr. Henderson said, waking Meredith up from her daydreaming. She stood up and walked over to him as her daughters sat up straight in their chairs, grasping onto the arm rests, preparing for what might come.

"Is he okay?" Meredith asked, almost afraid of the possibilities.

"You can see him if you want. He's still a bit groggy, but you can see him," Dr. Henderson said.

"He's okay," Meredith said sighing as a smile grew on her face. "It was successful?"

"You and your husband need to talk to Dr. Burke. I wasn't the surgeon, so I believe that'd be his place," Dr. Henderson said as he turned to lead her towards Derek's room.

Aimee and Celine got up to follow their mother, "Everything's going to be okay?" Celine asked.

"He's okay," Meredith repeated, "He's okay."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50:**

As Meredith walked into Derek's room, her eyes immediately filled with tears. He wasn't awake yet and he looked very weak. Meredith was a doctor; she knew what patients looked like after surgery. Especially after a surgery so traumatic, she should have expected her husband to look as weak as he did, but this was different. He barely looked liked like Derek. His face was pale and his body was still.

She stopped in the doorway, unable to come any further into the room. She didn't want to have to believe that that was her Derek. The love of her life was so weak and in as much as pain as the doctor inside of her knew he was in. Her daughters stood behind her, but looked at their father as well. Meredith could tell that they were upset by what they found. Meredith took a deep breath and turned around to her children.

"You guys go back home. I'll call you tonight and tell you what I know. You can see your father when he's feeling stronger, okay?" Meredith said, trying to be strong for their sakes.

"You sure Mom?" Celine asked.

"Yeah, I mean we can stay here if you want," Aimee offered.

"No, you guys have school tomorrow and you need a goodnight's sleep. I'll call you, I promise," Meredith said before giving both of her girls a hug.

"Bye Mom, I love you," Celine said before turning down the hall.

"I love you too, Mom," Aimee said before falling her sister.

"Bye, girls."

Meredith watched as her girls descended down the hall and then she turned back towards Derek. His eyes were still closed, but she could tell that he had moved a little. She smothered up any strength she had left and walked into the room. There was a chair sitting next to Derek's bed and she sat down next to it. She sat nervously for a moment, afraid of what to do. Knowing that she needed to be as close to Derek as possible, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

Derek's pale face warmed a little as a smile over took it. "I thought you'd just stand there all night," he said weakly without opening his eyes.

"Derek," she said in a tone full of longing. She smiled in between the tears that she had forgotten to stop from falling.

"I love you, Mer," Derek said.

"I love you too," she said looking into his eyes. They were different. They were just as weak as the rest of his body and the blue wasn't as deep. It almost hurt to look at them, but she couldn't look away.

"You waited," Derek said trying to smile.

"I waited," she repeated as she squeezed his hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

"No crying Mer, everything is going to be okay," Derek said.

"I know. Everything is going to be okay," she said as she began to cry harder. "I'm sorry. It's not because I'm sad. I'm just so happy."

"So am I Mer," Derek said as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry to break this up," Burke said as he walked in, "But there are some things we need to discuss."

Burke walked across the room to the head of Derek's bed and the Shepherd's looked up at him with wet faces. He smiled at them before talking, "Having this surgery in the last stage is unusual, but we found your case rare, so we did it anyways. Now, the surgery is supposed to destroy all cancer cells, but since you cancer had advanced so much, we weren't able to completely destroy the cancer." Meredith's face fell and her grip on Derek unconsciously loosened. "The amount left now is comparable to the amount of cancer cells in stage I of this cancer. Because of this, continuing your chemotherapy for about another four cycles, the rest should clear up."

"Four cycles? That's three months," Derek said.

"Yes, it is Derek, but it's worth it. If you don't do the chemotherapy then the cancer will most likely develop again and you will go through everything you've been going through for a year, again," Burke said before sighing.

Derek just turned his head and looked at Meredith.

"Derek, you've come so far," Meredith muttered through her tears that weren't so happy anymore.

"Meredith, I don't want to lose any more time with you and the girls then I already have," Derek said holding her hand again.

Meredith pulled away, "Derek, you aren't going to lose anymore time. This is going to give you time. Give us time. Derek, if you say no to this treatment that is what is going to make you lose time. Think like a doctor, Derek."

"I'm not the doctor here, Meredith. I'm the patient. It's different," Derek said.

"No. No it's not," Meredith said crying harder as she stood up and stepped away from Derek.

"Meredith," Derek pleaded as Burke slipped out of the room, deciding that he shouldn't be part of this.

"No, Derek. I can't lose you. I won't. I'm not going to let you decide to lose me. That's not fair Derek. I'm not ready to lose you."

"Meredith, I don't want to lose you anymore than you want to lose me. I just don't want to go through that. I don't want for you to watch me get weak. I don't want to pull you down with me," Derek said, he began to cry as well.

"If you die Derek, I swear you will pull me down and I won't be able to get back up. I fell apart when we were just broken up. If you die, I'm going to lose part of myself. I can't handle that, Derek. You can't do that to me!" Meredith yelled at her sick husband. They were both a little shocked that she had actually said 'died.' Throughout this entire thing, no one ever spoke that word. No one.

"Meredith," he pleaded with a softer voice.

She walked back over to him, "No. You can't do that."

"I won't, Mer. I promise, I won't," Derek whispered as Meredith wrapped her arms around his weak body, "I won't die, Mer. I won't leave you."


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51:**

**March 7, 2013**

"_Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Celine screamed jumping up and down next to her mother's bed._

_Meredith opened her eyes, confused by the screaming. When she realized it was coming from Celine, she sat up, "What honey?"_

"_It's today! Do you know what today is?" Celine asked as she crawled on to her mother's bed._

"_Yes, I know what today is," Meredith said smiling as she pulled her five-year-old daughter over to her._

"_Daddy is coming home! Daddy is coming home! How much longer?" she asked._

_Meredith looked over to her clock, "Honey, it's six in the morning. Daddy's flight doesn't come in till noon. Remember how mommy told you to sleep in today so that Daddy would come home sooner?" _

"_I know, but I'm so excited! He's been gone forever!" she said loudly._

"_Honey, he was only at the conference for three days."_

"_Well three days is a long time to be without Daddy!" she said, defending herself._

"_I have an idea," Meredith said making her daughter interested, "Why don't you go back and get some sleep so that we can stay up really late with Daddy tonight. I'll wake you and your sister up two hours before Daddy gets home so that we can get ready and pick him up okay?"_

_The little girl thought for a moment and then smiled, "You mean I get to stay up really really late with Daddy and tell him everything that's happened at school?"_

_Meredith laughed, "Yes you can tell Daddy everything that happened."_

"_Mommy? Can you tell Daddy never to leave again? I don't like it when he leaves. I think if he leaves again I'll die."_

_Meredith rolled her eyes, "You are such a drama queen, now go back to bed, but be careful not to wake up Aimee when you go past her room."_

_"Okay, Mommy, but don't forget to wake me up exactly two hours before noon!" Celine said as she left the room._

* * *

Celine sat down on the couch in her living room. She couldn't believe that in a few months she'd be graduating from high school and going to college. She had always wanted to get out of this house and be on her own. It wasn't that she didn't like her family; she just always wanted to be free and independent. Now, now everything was different. She didn't want to leave her Dad. She didn't want to focus on her grades, even though she knew she had to or her early acceptance to Dartmouth would be revoked. All she wanted to do was be with her Dad, just in case it was the only chance she ever got.

She'd always been so close to her Dad. She loved her Mom and she did all the girly mom and daughter things with her, but she loved being with her father. There were things that only her father and her did. And sometimes, she felt like he was the only one who could understand her. No matter how much she tried to hide things, her father always seemed to understand.

* * *

**May 20, 2025- Seattle, Washington**

_Meredith and Derek were sitting in their living room. It was late Saturday night and they were waiting up for Celine. It was the night of her first real dance: ring dance. She had been so excited to be able to go with a guy she'd been crushing on for ages. Meredith was curled up on the couch with her head on Derek's lap, watching television. Derek was absently playing with her hair while he read a book. They both looked up when they heard the front door open and slam shut. Then they heard Celine's heels slam against the wooden stairs as she ran upstairs and slammed her door behind her._

_Derek put his bookmark in his book and slowly shut it before placing it on the table next to him. He looked down at Meredith, "I should go see what happened." Meredith smiled at him and sat up to let him get up. He stood up and then leaned down to kiss her, "Go on to bed. I'll be there in a few minutes."_

_She smiled at him and he smiled back before heading upstairs. When he reached his daughter's door, he knocked listening to the sobs coming from inside. He waited a few moments before opening the door. As he did, a familiar scent of lavender surrounded him. In that way, Celine took after her mother. He slowly walked over to the defeated princess who was lying on her bed with her dress surrounding her small body. He sat down next to her and pulled her gently on to his lap. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't say a word. He just let her cry, knowing that that was all she could do._

Celine wiped a tear away from her face. She tried to stop remembering. Stop the memories from floating back, but she couldn't. She didn't want to think about the fact that those memories may be the only ones she would have. That she might not get any more time to make more memories with her father. She might lose him, even if he survived the surgery. She'd done enough research in her parent's library to know that the surgery didn't mean life this far in. She could still lose him.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52:**

**January 2, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"_Aimee Elizabeth Shepherd! Where the hell have you been?" Derek said harshly as his sixteen-year-old daughter walked in the door._

_She looked at her father and her eyes widened. She didn't say a word._

"_It's three in the morning! Where have you been? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Derek asked._

"_Dad, it was not-"_

"_Nothing? Nothing? You snuck out! Out of my house! Do you know how worried your mother and I have been? Do you have any idea?" Derek yelled._

"_Derek," Meredith said in a calm voice, trying to pull him away from his daughter, "Derek, you shouldn't be yelling like that. Calm on, we can deal with this in the morning. Let's go to bed."_

_Derek shook Meredith off of him, "No. We will deal with this now," he said to Meredith before turning back towards Aimee. "You were with that boyfriend of yours weren't you? I knew he was bad. Where were you two? What the hell were you doing this late at night? Never mind, I don't want to know. Just go to your room. You are grounded for a month and you are not to see whatever his name is. Do you understand me?"_

"_Daddy! You can't do that!" Aimee yelled with tears rolling down her face, "You can't do that to me. I love Luke. You can't tell me I can't see him."_

"_Love? You don't know what the hell love is. Now go upstairs," Derek yelled._

"_Daddy!" Aimee pleaded._

"_Get upstairs!" Derek said._

"_I hate you," Aimee mumbled before running up the stairs._

Aimee looked around her room. There was a picture of her with Luke. She hadn't seen him other than in the halls since that fight. Her father and her had that fight the night before he'd been admitted into the hospital and diagnosed with cancer. She hadn't been able to talk to him about it with everything going on. He hadn't talked to her and she hadn't talked to him. At all. She wasn't able to tell him that she didn't hate him. That she loved him and that she would miss him so much if he died. And now for all she knew, she might never get to.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53:**

**February 3, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith pulled out her cell phone and stepped out of Derek's room so that he could rest. She rested against the window of his room as she dialed her home number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, honey," Meredith said sweetly.

"Mom! How is everything?" Celine said over the phone.

"It's Mom? Let me talk to her!" Meredith heard from the background.

"Go away," Celine said with her hand over the phone before turning back to Meredith, "So how's Dad?"

"He's doing great. He's sleeping right now actually," Meredith said as she turned around to see her husband.

"The surgery was successful?"

"Almost," Meredith said, she could hear the disappointed sigh from her daughter, "He'll have to stay in the hospital for another three months for chemotherapy, but that should clear everything up."

"You sound really happy," Celine said, sounding as if Meredith was never happy.

"I am. You're father is really doing well."

Celine was unconvinced, but she decided not to push it, "Okay, well tell him we both love him and we will see him soon."

"All right, I'll see you after school tomorrow."

"Bye mom, we love you," Celine said.

"Bye, Celine."

* * *

Meredith closed her phone and walked back into the room. She sat down next to Derek and looked at him, smiling, "You are horrible at pretending to be asleep."

"I'm not pretending," he whispered without opening his eyes, making Meredith laugh. He finally did open his eyes and looked at her, "Read me something. From when we were happy."

"I am happy now too," Meredith said as she reached for the notebook.

"I think I am too," Derek said, never taking his eyes off of her.

"What do you want me to read?" she asked as she got comfortable in the chair and opened the book to where she left off.

"Anything."

"Anything?" she asked raising an eyebrow, "I'll just open to a random page," she said as she flipped through a few pages.

* * *

**April 21, 2007- Seattle, Washington**

_Meredith changed into her pajamas and got into her bed. She couldn't believe that they'd be moving out of this trailer soon. She knew she couldn't raise a child in it and that they needed more room, but she always loved it. It had become home. _

_As she got lost in her thoughts, she felt the mattress move and Derek lie down next to her. She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She kissed his lips gently and then closed her eyes. He smiled and closed his as well._

_About five minutes passed before Meredith opened her eyes again. "Derek?" she whispered only receiving a grunt from Derek, "Derek?" she said again, this time a little louder._

"_Hmm?" he mumbled._

"_We're getting married tomorrow," she stated._

"_Yes we are," Derek replied, keeping his eyes closed._

_Meredith closed her eyes again and tried to fall asleep. Another ten minutes passed before she opened them again and nudged Derek with her elbow, "Derek?"_

"_What?" he asked in a tone mixed with annoyance and tiredness._

"_I'm scared."_

"_Scared?" Derek asked, waking up a little and opening his eyes._

"_What if something happens? We haven't been back together very long. What if we get married and then a year into this realize it was a mistake?" Meredith said facing the wall._

_Derek tightened his grip on Meredith a little and shut his eyes again, "It's not a mistake. I love you and that's not going to change."_

"_Promise?" she asked._

"_I promise."_

"

* * *

"Well, we're eighteen years into this. Thinking it's a mistake yet?" Derek asked jokingly.

"I think it's the only thing I've ever done right," Meredith responded as she closed the notebook and placed it on her lap.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54:**

**January 2, 2026- Seattle Washington**

"_What's wrong with you?" Aimee asked, sounding as if not only did she not care, but also like she really didn't want an answer. She walked into the kitchen, not even looking at her crying sister and grabbed a coke from the fridge, "What? Do you cry all the time now or something?"_

"_You are so stupid," Celine mumbled through tears._

"_You are the one crying at the kitchen table. If anyone here has to be stupid, I think you have all the symptoms," Aimee said. She opened the pantry and grabbed a snack before turning her attention back to her sister, "Where are our parents anyways? Dad still being an ass?"_

"_Dad being an ass?" Celine said, her sorrow quickly turning into rage as she stood up, "I think you are the one being an ass. I just got a call from Mom. Dad is in the hospital and you are just standing there calling him an ass! Dad could die right now and you don't fucking care. No wonder no one in this house gives a damn about you." Celine hurried away from her stunned sister and walked out the front door, slamming it behind her._

_Aimee didn't move. She hadn't since her sister had said where her parents were. The hospital. And that her father could die. Like really die. No pulse, never coming back, die. And she had told him that she hated him, just last night. _

* * *

**May 5, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Celine walked into her house and placed her keys and purse next to the door. As she walked into her living room, she saw her sister watching television with a guy that Celine had seen around school a million times.

"Um, Aimee can I see you for a sec?" Celine said, making her arrival noticed.

Aimee reluctantly moved off of the guy's lap and walked across the living room. Celine grabbed her arm and pulled her into the dining room, shutting the doors behind them. "What?" Aimee asked innocently.

"Isn't that Luke?"

"Yeah. And?" Aimee asked.

"Dad told you to stay away from him," Celine said.

Aimee rolled her eyes, "Well I haven't seen Dad around much lately, have you?"

"That's cause he's been in the hospital for three months getting chemotherapy! You are so insensitive!" Celine yelled.

"Me? I'm insensitive? What about him?" Aimee asked, yelling back.

"He's aloud to be insensitive. He's your father. He's just looking out for you," Celine said a little quieter, trying to calm down.

"Okay, well what is your excuse?"

"Aimee, I've seen him around school. I know the kind of people he hangs out with. They aren't good people," Celine said, almost in a hushed voice, afraid that Luke could hear them.

"Those people are my friends, thank you very much!" Aimee said defensively.

"Since when? What happened to Kayla and Nikki?" Celine asked, referring to the two girls that Aimee had been best friends with for years.

"They are total sluts now. Luke and his friends are the people I like to hang out with, get over it," Aimee said, dismissing the issue as if it was nothing.

"Aimee, you don't get it do you? He's into drugs. I see him smoking pot behind the school all the time. You aren't like that. You're better than that!" Celine yelled, forgetting that Luke was in the house all together.

"You don't know Luke. You don't even know me. All you care about is your perfect little life that Mommy and Daddy made all perfect for you," Aimee shot back.

Celine was about to say something back when the dinning room doors opened. They both shot their angry faces towards the door and saw their mother. As she opened the doors farther, they could see their father. Weak, but finally home.

"What is going on in here?" Meredith asked, angrily.

"Nothing," Aimee said rolling her eyes and shooting glances at everyone before passing by them and running upstairs.

Derek looked at her as she ascended up the stairs and then at his other daughter who was closed to tears. Meredith gave him a glance that told him to just drop it. He walked further into the house and saw a confused boy sitting on his couch that he immediately recognized. Derek just shook his head and turned towards his room sarcastically muttering under his breath, "Welcome home."

"What the hell was that about?" Meredith asked, never noticing that there was an extra person in her house.

"Luke," Celine said simply.

"Luke?"

"Aimee's little pot head boyfriend that Dad forbade her from seeing that is sitting in your living room," Celine said making Meredith look.

Meredith walked over into her living room, "Umm, hi, I'm Mrs. Shepherd. You must be Luke?" she asked shaking his hand.

"Yes, Luke Johnson," he said standing up.

Meredith gave him a disapproving look, but tried to hide at as soon as she realized that she was, "I'm sorry, but Aimee can't really talk right now. She's in her room so maybe you should just see her tomorrow."

"Whatever," he said as he walked past Meredith and out the door.

Meredith followed and walked back into the dinning room where Celine was still standing. "Go upstairs and tell your sister dinner will be ready in an hour," she said, deciding that she really did not have the energy to deal with this right now.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55:**

**May 5, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith walked into her bedroom and looked at her husband who had deposited himself on their bed. She smiled at him and crawled on to the bed next to him. His arms wrapped around her and he sighed.

"I'm sorry about that," she whispered.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know, but I know that wasn't what you wanted to come home too," she said.

"Sometimes I wonder why we had kids."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Oh shut up, you know you love them."

"I never doubt loving them. It's the liking them and the ability to tolerate them that I tend to doubt. Especially Aimee. What has gotten into that girl?" he asked.

"This whole thing has taken a toll on all of us, Derek," Meredith said as she slowly got up.

"Don't blame our daughter's attitude problem on me," he said, obviously offended.

"I wasn't Derek. All I'm saying is that being without a father can put stress on a teenage girl: especially for one who has had her father around looking out for her all of her life. We know Aimee gets an attitude when she's stressed. It's who she is," Meredith continued as she began to unpack Derek's small bag from the hospital.

"Well she needs to get her act straight or she's going to get herself in trouble."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Did you miss Celine's part in that?"

"Celine was right. Aimee shouldn't be hanging out with that guy, let alone dating him," Derek said as he too stood up.

"But she was still yelling at her like she was her mother or something. That isn't her job."

"Well I'm glad someone did it while I was away."

Meredith stopped what she was doing and looked at Derek, "What was that supposed to mean?"

"It's obvious you haven't been disciplining her while I've been in the hospital. Otherwise that boy wouldn't have been on our couch!"

"She hasn't done anything that she needed to be disciplined for until today, Derek. Don't tell me how to be a mother. I'd like to think I do it very well while you are at the hospital until ungodly hours of the night."

"Oh cause you never work late," Derek said sarcastically.

"I know I do work too, but I'm around for Aimee's volleyball games. I know her friends and I know her. All you know is how to yell at her and send her up to her room so next time you feel like critiquing parenting's skills, maybe you should evaluate your own!" Meredith yelled before hurrying out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Meredith and Celine sat eating dinner in silence. Aimee wouldn't talk to anyone and Meredith didn't even bother with Derek. She knew he was the same way. Him and his daughter were more alike then either one of them cared to admit. It was a very awkward silence. Partly because Celine knew that Aimee wasn't the only one who was on thin ice in this house.

"How's Dad?" Celine asked, deciding that that was pretty leveled ground.

"Go ask him," Meredith said not taking her eyes off of the newspaper she was reading.

"Where is he?"

"In my room," Meredith said emphasizing the 'my' in that statement.

"Can I go see him?" Celine asked hesitantly.

"I don't care, but if you do, maybe you should tell him to get the hell out of there and sit his ass on the couch because that's where he will be spending the rest of the night," Meredith said lightly as if she was discussing the weather.

"Maybe you should talk to him," Celine suggested, praying she hadn't crossed the line.

Meredith placed the paper down and looked at Celine, "I've known your father for twenty years. I know how to deal with him and giving in to his attitude isn't the right way."


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56:**

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith opened her eyes and felt an arm around her waist. She turned off the loud alarm clock before turning her attention back to the arm. "What are you doing?" she asked blankly.

"Trying to sleep."

"Why are you here?"

"Because this is where I sleep," Derek said talking into his pillow.

"Not when I'm mad at you."

"You aren't mad at me."

"Yes I am."

"No you aren't."

"Why aren't I?"

"Because you can't be mad at me. It's part of the McDreamy thing."

"I hate you," she said throwing the covers and his arm off of her and getting out of bed.

"No you don't, you love me."

"Don't remind me," Meredith joked as she walked into their bathroom.

* * *

Meredith got ready and walked out into the kitchen where she found Celine eating and reading a book. Meredith poured herself a cup of coffee and one for Derek who was only steps behind her. "Where's your sister?" Meredith asked, noticing that Aimee hadn't been downstairs.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her all morning," Celine replied without looking away from her book.

"She's your sister. She lives next door to you and you share a bathroom with her. How could you not have seen her in the morning?" Meredith asked as Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and she tried to ignore it.

"Maybe she's still in bed. I don't care," Celine said before finally looking up and seeing her father about to kiss her mother's neck, "Eww." She got up and headed out the door, "I'm leaving."

"You are going to make your kids hate you," Meredith said, still trying to hide her smile.

"When has that stopped me before?" Derek whispered into her ear as he began to kiss her again.

"I have to go check on Aimee," Meredith said pulling away from Derek, "I don't want her missing school."

"Fine, leave me," Derek said trying to sound pathetic.

Meredith just rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs. She walked to the door at the end of the hall. When she knocked, it opened a little and Meredith pushed it the rest of the way. Aimee's room was perfectly clean as always. Aimee always had been a neat freak. Meredith looked around and noticed a couple of items missing and the empty, perfectly made bed with a sheet of stationary on it.

Meredith picked up the pretty paper and read it's glossy ink. She didn't process the information at all. All she did was the only thing she could think to, "Derek!"

Derek placed his coffee cup down and ran up the stairs. He didn't like the desperation in Meredith's voice. It worried him. He pushed through the partially opened door and stood behind Meredith reading the sheet of paper over her shoulder.

Slowly it slipped between her fingers and she fell into Derek crying.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57:**

Derek slowly dragged Meredith out of her daughter's room, closing the door behind them. He brought her to their room and placed her on their bed where she continued to cry. Every part of Derek wanted to just lay with her and block out the real world, but he knew he couldn't waste a second.

He left their room, deciding that Meredith didn't need to hear the words that he was about to say. He couldn't get his thoughts together. He didn't want to process everything, but he knew he had to. If he didn't, then Meredith would have to and she's had to deal with too much lately. Too much for anyone.

He picked up the phone and dialed 911.

"This is emergency services. Who am I on the line with?" a lady said calmly.

"I'm Derek Shepherd. I need to report a missing child," Derek said trying to stay calm. He suddenly slipped into his doctor's mode: nothing was too much for him to handle and all emotions were left for later.

"Who is missing?"

"My daughter. Aimee Elizabeth Shepherd. She's sixteen."

"Do you know when she went missing?" the dispatcher asked.

Derek rolled his eyes thinking, "If I knew would I be calling you?" He knew he needed to cooperate for his daughter, "I'm not sure, but she went to bed last night and we woke up this morning and she was gone with a note left."

"Do you have any idea of where she might have gone?"

"No," Derek said calmly, trying his best not to release the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Where are you?"

"Our house, 1423 Ransen Street, Seattle, Washington," Derek said.

"We are going to send an officer over immediately. Just stay calm."

"I am calm," Derek said, not realizing how harshly he'd said it. "Thank you." Derek hung up the phone and hurried back into the room with Meredith. She was still crying heavily. Derek finally wrapped his arms around her and felt her warm tears seep through his shirt. He rocked her back and forth gently, trying to calm her down.

* * *

**June 15, 2013- Seattle, Washington**

_"Okay, Amzie, I'm going to let go. Are you ready?" Derek cautiously asked holding onto his small daughter and her bike._

_"Let go!" she squealed excitingly. _

_"Ready?" Derek asked again, lifting one hand off her._

_"Yes!" she screamed with a hug smile on her._

_Derek let go and watched as his daughter rode her bike down the sidewalk for the first time. He looked back at his wife standing on the porch. She was leaning against the house with her arms crossed. A broad smile was upon her face and her and Derek shared a look. Their look. Before he looked back, Meredith's smile disappeared and she took off running. Derek turned around and saw his daughter falling. _

_She fell to the side, lying on the grass. Immediately her eyes burst into tears and Derek scooped her up. He wrapped his arms around her as he carried her back to the house. Meredith caught up with them and began to soothe her daughter as she followed them inside. _

_Derek sat down on the couch and looked at his daughter. Her tears were still wet, but she'd calmed down some. Derek quickly examined her and thankfully found no blood. "What hurts, baby?"_

_"My knee," she said with a few more tears coming out as she pointed down to the small scrape._

_"Can Daddy make it feel better?" Derek asked. She merely shook her head and Derek bent over to kiss her knee gently. As he straightened up, she smiled a little. "It is all better?"_

_She nodded her head a little more enthusiastically this time, "Daddy, you make everything better."_

Derek shook his head and stood up once the doorbell rang. He let the police officer in and began to wish he could just make this one last thing all better.

* * *

Meredith walked back into her room after the police officer left. She just wanted to be alone. Well at least part of her did. That part of her really wanted to just crawl into a hole and block out everything. The other part of her wanted to just cuddle up close to Derek and hopefully forget everything else. The problem was, was that she knew she couldn't block out or forget her own daughter. Especially when she could be in danger. Real danger.

Every motherly instinct inside of her told her to go and find her baby. Find her and shelter her from all outside danger. That's the problem with having teenagers and living in the real world. You can't do that. And even if you could, your kid would hate you for it. All she could do was hope that the police could find her or she'd come home on her own.

The police said that the first 48 hours were extremely critical. And considering the fact that she probably left early in the morning before anyone was awake and the fact that it was almost noon, twelve of those hours were probably already gone. That's ¼ of the probability of her daughter returning, just gone. That is not the thing that any type of mother would ever want to hear.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Celine?" an older man said, stopping her in the hallway of her high school.

Celine turned around and faced an old man with salt and pepper hair. She'd had him for a class a few years ago, but she still saw him often in her various activities, "Yes, Mr. Kendall?"

"Is your sister alright?" he asked.

Celine immediately became confused and a little worried at the same time, "My sister? What happened? Why wouldn't she be alright?"

"Oh, nothing happened," he said reacting to her change of attitude, "Well at least not that I know of. She wasn't in class today and I was just wondering where she was."

"What? She loves your art class. Out of all of her classes, why would she ditch art?" Celine asked, mainly talking to herself, not Mr. Kendall.

"I thought the same thing. I checked with the office. She didn't come in today," Mr. Kendal continued.

"Well, I left before her this morning and I didn't see her before I left, so I'm not sure if she was feeling bad or anything. She might just be sick," Celine said, shrugging the issue off. She was just sick, right?

"Thanks anyways, Celine."

"Anytime, Mr. Kendall," Celine said before walking away. She had an odd feeling about this. She didn't like odd feelings. It's been said that she gets them from her mother and one time her mother had an odd feeling and she almost blew up. Celine had to find something out.

* * *

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

As soon as Celine's last class let out, instead of hurrying to her car, she headed towards the back of the school. She felt a little weird doing this. After all, she was what could be considered preppy and she was going to be the valedictorian of her graduating class. There was defiantly no need for her to be walking around her school to where her opposites hung out after hours, or in other words, her sister's friends.

"What are you doing here?" a red head asked once Celine turned the corner.

"I.. umm," Celine began, suddenly losing her skill of public speaking.

"Hey, you're Luke's chick Aimee's sister, right? The perfect one?" a guy asked a few yard away.

"Yeah, Celine Shepherd. Do you happen to know where Aimee is?" Celine asked.

"She ain't here. You're her sister, shouldn't you know?" the girl asked.

"Well, she hangs out with you all, so I thought she just might be over here," Celine said, still sounding uncomfortable.

"I think she left with Luke," another guy sitting by the dumpster said. Celine hadn't even noticed he was there.

"Left? When? Did she cut her last class?" Celine asked.

"More like all of them," the red head said, "Luke said they were leaving last night."

"What?" Celine asked, both scared and surprised, "Where were they going?"

The girl rolled her eyes, "Do you think we would tell you, even if we knew?"

* * *

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Mom? Mom!" Celine yelled as she hurried into her house.

"Celine, please stop yelling," Derek said coming from the living room.

"Where's Mom?" Celine asked with a worried look on her face.

"She's in her room. I finally got her to sleep, please just calm down. We need to talk," Derek said, trying to calmly lead her back into the living room.

"I already know, Dad," Celine said making her father stop.

His calm yet worried look became desperate as he turned towards Celine, "What do you know, Celine? Do you know where she is? Tell me right now if you know where she is."

"No," Celine said, almost scared at his reaction, "I don't know where she is. I just talked to her friends. Apparently she left with Luke last night. They wouldn't tell me why."

"Damn it!" Derek yelled turning away from his daughter.

"Dad? Dad, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay because my sixteen year old daughter is god knows where with some scum bag and my wife is falling apart. Why the hell would I be okay?" he asked angrily. After looking at his daughter and her scared expression, he took a deep breath and relaxed, "I'm sorry, Celine. I'm just stressed. I'm going to go check on your mother."

Celine nervously nodded and watched her father head down the hallway.

* * *

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith heard Derek walk into their room and sit on their bed. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but she could tell he was upset. Of course he was. Their daughter was gone. Gone. As he lay down, he just stared at the ceiling, not even looking Meredith's way. She immediately cuddled close to him and he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer.

"Derek? What did we do wrong?" Meredith asked, "I didn't like my house, but I never left. Were we really that bad of parents?"

Derek didn't say anything for a moment, but Meredith could tell he was fighting with his mind. He sensed Meredith was suspecting something, so he looked at her with so much sincerity and sadness in his eyes when he quietly whispered, "I don't know."

May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington

Celine nervously walked up the stairs. She'd lived in this house almost her entire life, but she couldn't help but feel different about it now. Her and her sister's rooms were the only bedrooms upstairs other than a guest room. It just seemed weird without Aimee there.

Celine opened the door of her sister's room and saw a sheet of paper on the floor. She bent down and picked it up. She could immediately recognize her sister's handwriting. It was simple and clear. Just like her message. "I'm sorry, but I had to go. I'll see everyone soon. I promise." Celine felt her tears falling as she collapsed on her sister's bed.

**

* * *

**

**December 10, 2014- Seattle, Washington**

_Celine woke up and looked over at her clock. It was 2:34 in the morning. The house was quiet. Maybe she'd dreamt it. Nope, someone was screaming again. She recognized that scream easily. She forced herself out of her pink comforter and off of her bed. She slipped on her new princess slippers and walked to the room next to hers._

_She slowly opened the door and sure enough, the screams intensified. "Shhh, it's just me," Celine said as she walked in, closing the door behind her. The screams quieted down and became muffled sobs. "What happened?"_

_"I… I had a bad dream," the little girl stammered out. _

_Celine was about to get extremely annoyed, but decided against it, "Just do what Mommy always tells me to do. Think about Christmas. Then all of your nightmares will go away," Celine said before turning around to leave._

_"Don't leave me," Aimee said, stopping her sister._

_"But I need sleep," Celine protested._

_"Don't leave me," Aimee repeated, this time quieter and more desperate._

_Celine sighed and walked over to her sister's bed. She slipped out of her slippers and pulled back the comforter, getting in the bed with her sister, "'Night, Aimee."_

* * *

As her head hit the pillow, the memory flashed through her head and her sister's scent rushed through her senses. As she rolled over on the bed, her head slammed into something hard. She sat up and pulled a diary out from under the pillow. She opened it up and flew through a few pages until she found the last entry. It was written last night. Celine slowly read it and got a new perspective on her sister. She couldn't believe what it said. 


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith sat on her daughter's bed, reading the diary. She felt like she was invading her privacy, but it was the only chance at finding her. Derek was standing above her reading over her shoulder and Celine sat across the bed waiting. Neither one of them reacted to the words before them. Not the way that they would have if Aimee had been telling them the information instead of a diary.

When she was done, she closed the diary and looked up at Derek who had a confused look on his face. She could tell that he didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to admit to it. He just couldn't. Meredith tore her eyes away from him and looked at Celine. She seemed full of guilt. Guilt that didn't belong to her.

"I wish I could be there," Celine said quietly, "Holding her hand, when it happens."

Meredith bit her lip as a tear fell down her face. She reached across the bed and took her daughter's hand and whispered, "I do too."

* * *

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith and Derek walked into their bedroom, ready for bed. Meredith quickly changed and got under the covers, while Derek moved a little slower. It seemed like he was in a daze, completely surrounded by only his thoughts. Once he was changed, he turned off the lights and headed over to the bed. He stopped at Meredith's side and bent over, kissing her on the lips, goodnight.

As he pulled away to get to bed, he felt her grasp his shirt and pull him back down to her. She kissed him passionately and then released him. He was a little surprised and his face said it. Meredith offered an explanation, "You haven't kissed me since before we found out."

"What?" Derek asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"The last time you kissed me was in the kitchen, before I went upstairs. Before anything," she said calmly.

Derek knew what she meant. This wasn't about a kiss, not completely anyways. He'd left her alone. He thought that was what she needed, but she needed him there for her, "I'm so sorry, Mer."

"It's okay," she said shrugging it off as she got a little more comfortable and closed her eyes.

Derek stood up and walked across the room, towards his side of the bed. He got in and covered himself with the tan comforter. He scooted close to Meredith and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him comfortably; telling him it really was okay. He began to kiss her neck and she smiled, "I missed you."

* * *

**May 6, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Celine walked back into her sister's room and picked up the diary again. There had been two entries that night that Aimee left. She opened it to the first one. She knew that this was probably against any sisterhood code, but it was really the only way she could feel close to Aimee right now. And right now all she wanted was to be with her little sister.

_Dear Diary,_

_So I might not make it very obvious, but I hate fighting with Celine. She's my sister and the best one I could ask for, but sometimes she drives me crazy. I wish I could have explained everything to her. I wish I could have told her why Luke was there. I'm not stupid enough to just bring over a guy that my father doesn't approve of for any reason. I just wanted to explain it all to her and Mom before Dad got home. That was my only chance at getting him to not kill me._

_I didn't know that Dad was coming home and I swear I didn't mean a thing I said about him. He drives me crazy too. He just doesn't get me like he gets Celine. I think it's because they are so similar. I'm just a mix between him and Mom so no one completely gets me. It sucks. Except for Luke. Luke gets me and I think that's why I love him so much. I just need to get Mom to understand that before I tell her anything else. I'll write more later because Luke's calling me and I really need to tell him what happened._

_Love, _

_Aimee_

Celine hesitantly turned the next page. She knew the words that it held, but seeing them on the paper was almost worse then just having them ring through her head.

_Dear Diary,_

_  
Luke is right. If I tell my Dad about the baby, he'll kick me out. He won't let me explain and my mom won't stop him. She never does. I almost want to keep this baby. It's mine after all, but I know they won't allow it. Even if I somehow managed to not get kicked out, they wouldn't let me keep it. They want me to go to college and be just like them. The just don't understand that I don't want that life. I don't want their life. I want my own._

_At least Luke has a plan. We can leave. I know if we are on our own, we won't be able to afford the baby. Either way I'll have to get rid of it. At least this way, I can stay with Luke. I just love him so much and I know my parents will never understand that. They'll never understand why I'm leaving either. They'll probably resent me for it too, but I have to. Maybe years from now they'll understand. I'll come back one day and explain it all to them. Maybe they'll accept Luke and I back into their family. I hope so._

_There are so many things running through my mind right now. Luke makes all of this seem so simple, but I don't know. He doesn't like his family, so he's not leaving anything behind. But I'm leaving so much. I love my family. Everyone. Even the people who aren't really part of my family like Aunt Cristina and Aunt Izzie. Or Uncle George and Uncle Alex. And of course, Uncle Burke. I'm still a little unsure of why I don't call him Uncle Preston. I've been so close to all of them. Aunt Crissy taught me how to hold my own ground and Aunt Izzie has always been there for advice on anything from boys to clothes. Uncle George has always been there whenever I've needed to laugh. And Uncle Alex, I owe him everything I've ever earned in sports, from track, basketball, field hockey, and softball. And Uncle Burke taught me the piano and he taught me about some of the simpler things in life. They've all done so much for me and now I'm about to leave them._

_And then there is my Mom. Even though my Mom doesn't always stand up for me when I think she should, she's always been an amazing Mom. She'd always miss any surgery for me when I was sick or I had a game. She's always helped me with school and tried her best to be there for me even when I push her away the most. I can't even imagine how much I'll miss her. I don't even want to think about it._

_And my Dad. For a few months, I thought I was going to lose him. That makes this so much harder. Not only leaving him, but also leaving on bad terms. I know I don't have any other choice, but I'll never forgive myself if he gets sick again and I'm not here. Oh god, I hope he never gets sick again. My mom doesn't deserve it. She loves him too much. It's so obvious to everyone around them. Especially to me and my sister._

_Now that brings me to Celine. No matter how much I say that I hate her perfect GPA and her perfect life, I sometimes wish it were mine. She's got the amazing looks, a perfect mixture of our parents. She's amazingly smart and has all the great friends and the best boyfriend in the world. She's so lucky, but I know I'm also lucky to be able to call her my sister. I'm going to miss her the most. I just wish I had the guts to walk into her room right now and tell her the truth. Now, she might never know._

_Luke just text messaged me. He's here. That means it's time for me to go. It's time for me to leave everything behind and completely start over with my life just with him. I love him so much and I know he'll take care of me, but I'm scared. I'm more scared then I ever thought possible._

_For the last time,  
__Love,  
__Aimee._


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Mer? Are you awake?" Derek whispered into his wife's ear.

"Hmm…." Meredith mumbled as she stretched a little bit. She opened her eyes and met the darkness. She looked at her alarm clock, "Derek it's one in the morning," she said as she turned to him.

"I know, it's just, I," Derek stopped and sighed. Meredith quickly got a little worried, "Would I really have kicked her out?"

"I don't know," Meredith whispered.

"I would have, wouldn't of I? I would have kicked out our pregnant sixteen-year-old daughter. What kind of father does that?"

Meredith turned back around and cuddled close to her blanket, "I wouldn't know. My father wasn't there for me."

* * *

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Derek woke up the next morning alone. He rarely woken up alone and when he did, he knew he'd hurt Meredith. She might not admit to it, but after living with her for eighteen years he's picked up on her little habits.

He pulled the covers off of him and walked out into the hallway of his quiet house. He ended up in the kitchen, noticing a note on the counter. It was from Meredith, saying she was at the hospital. Her hiding place, everyone's hiding place. He sighed and crumbled it up before throwing it away. He knew Celine was at school, so he was on his own for the day.

First, he ran to the store. He picked up a few groceries and some fresh lavender for Meredith. He picked up something for breakfast since he didn't feel like making anything and headed back home. After eating, he set up the lavender in the kitchen and put the groceries away. He cleaned up the dishes, knowing Meredith wouldn't be happy if they were still dirty when she got home.

When he felt the kitchen was clean enough to meet her standards, he headed towards the hall closet. He picked up the phone book and headed to the living room with it and a pad of paper.

* * *

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"What are you doing here?" Bailey asked gruffly.

"No offense, but you aren't my resident anymore. You can't boss me around," Meredith said as she closed the chart she'd been working on.

"That didn't answer my question," she said placing her hand on her hip.

"I'm working. I need to pay my bills," Meredith said as she began to walk down the hall.

"You and Derek could quit and live just fine for a few years off of your savings. That's not the real reason," Bailey said following her.

"I have patients to see."

"You have a husband and daughter at home that need you," Bailey said.

"Derek is just fine and Celine is at school. I'll be home soon after her. She's strong. An hour without supervision won't kill her," Meredith said, trying to get Bailey off her back.

"You need them just as much as they need you."

"I'm fine."

Bailey rolled her eyes, "Don't start that fine crap. Whenever you start saying fine, you are the least fine you possibly can be." Bailey sighed and her eyes softened a little, "Go home to your husband. Don't hide from this. You'll find her."

* * *

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Derek closed the phonebook and looked at his list. It was pretty long and he knew it was going to take him all night, but he didn't care. He had to do this. It was the least he could do. He ripped the sheet of paper off of the pad and put it in his pocket as he picked up the phone book and put it away.

He headed back into the kitchen and wrote a note for Meredith and Celine, leaving it in the same place that Meredith's had been. He sighed and prepared himself for what he might do tonight before grabbing his keys and heading back towards his car.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith checked on her patients and headed back towards the nurse's station to put away a few charts. Bailey walked down the hall, glaring at her and Meredith quickly stopped thinking of new things to keep her entertained. She stuffed her pen in her lap coat pocket and went to get changed.

As she walked into her house, she turned her cell phone back on, checking her messages. She had one from Celine, saying she'd be home late because she was studying with some friends. Meredith walked into the kitchen and read Derek's note. It just said he had had something to do and he'd be back later that night. It confused Meredith a little, but she threw it away anyways.

As she walked farther into the kitchen, she noticed the flowers with a small card beside them. She opened it and read the message,

_Mer,  
__Sorry for being the insensitive jackass I sometimes forget I am.  
__I love you,  
__Your McDreamy._

Meredith smiled at the message as she breathed in the amazing scent. She opened the fridge and pulled out a box of pizza. Grabbing the last slice, she headed into her room. She sat on her bed and pulled out the bottom drawer of her nightstand, revealing a few maroon books. She picked up the top one and placed it on her lap as she took a bite of her pizza.

* * *

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Derek got back into his car after his fourth stop. No luck. He looked at the clock on his dashboard; it was already going on eight o'clock. He knew he should get home to Meredith, but he didn't want to fail. He didn't want to tell Meredith what he'd been doing and have to tell her that he failed. It would break her heart.

He had four more places to stop. They were on the other side of town and he knew he wouldn't get home till it was past midnight, but he also knew that if he called Meredith she'd ask where he'd been, so he turned off his cell phone in hopes that she wouldn't wonder where he was and call. He placed his car into drive and backed out, ready for a very long night.

* * *

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

Meredith opened the photo album and looked carefully at all of the pictures that filled it. The first pages were filled with pictures from the day Aimee was born.

_"Umm, Dr. Shepherd?"_

_"Dr. Yang, can't you see that I am in the middle of this man's brain? Right now is not the time to bug me," Derek said, never taking his eyes off of the patient._

_"But, it's about the baby," she said nervously._

_"Cristina, get over the fact that I can't come up with a name. Like I said, now isn't the time," Derek said, completely frustrated._

_"The Chief is coming."_

_Derek stopped and looked over at Cristina, "You called the Chief?"_

_"No, Bailey did."_

_"Bailey knows too? What are you people trying to do to me?" Derek asked as he focused back on the patient._

_"Okay, your stupidity? It's really getting on my nervous. I don't care about the stupid name right now because Meredith is in labor and the Chief is coming to take over this surgery!" Cristina yelled at an embarrassed Derek._

_"She's in labor?" Derek asked completely dumbfound as the scrub room door swung open._

_"Shepherd, get out," The Chief said as a nurse placed his gloves on._

_Derek didn't respond. He hurried into the scrub room, ripping off his gloves and mask. He quickly washed his hands and ran out of the room. He ran down the stairs towards the OBGYN wing of the hospital. When he finally got there he hurried to the nurse's station._

_"Do you know what room Meredith Shepherd is in?" Derek asked. _

_The nurse looked down and began to examine a list of rooms, but Derek's attention was pulled to a screaming woman coming down the hall, "DEREK MICHAEL SHEPHERD, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? I'M ABOUT TO HAVE YOUR FUCKING CHILD AND YOU ARE OFF GOD KNOWS WHERE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MAD I AM RIGHT NOW!"_

"_I'm here now," Derek said, trying to calm her down as he grasped her hand._

_She pulled her hand quickly away from him, "Don't touch me," she said in an even, yet threatening tone._

Meredith smiled at the pictures of her family. Derek was still in his scrubs from the surgery and standing next to Meredith, hovering over her, staring at their new child. Celine was in his arms, looking at the baby as well. They all seemed so peaceful, so happy. The people in that picture had no idea what hardships they were going to face.


	62. Chapter 62

**May 7, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Mr. Shepherd?" the receptionist said.

Derek felt extremely uncomfortable sitting in this office. It wasn't the kind of place you usually found a man his age. He stood up and walked to the front desk.

"You said Aimee Elizabeth Shepherd, correct?"

"Yes."

The receptionist looked at him and placed the file down that she had in her hands, "I shouldn't be doing this. I really shouldn't, but you are her father and your story broke my heart. I can't give you any information as to where she is or I could get in serious trouble, but if the police come, they can get it. All I can tell you is that she is scheduled for next Monday at noon."

Derek nodded, "Thank you very much. You have no idea what you've done for our family. Thank you."

"I hope everything works out for the best."

"So do I," Derek said before turning around and leaving the office. Now he could go home.

* * *

Derek walked into his house, finding nothing but darkness and silence. He turned to the stairs and quietly made his way up them. Once he reached the top, he turned towards Celine's room. When he opened the door, he found Celine asleep wrapped in her sheets with the television on. Derek walked in, almost falling over her book bag, and turned off the television. He walked over to her sleeping figure and smiled. Even after eighteen years, he couldn't believe that him and Meredith made her. She was so amazing. He bent down and brushed away and piece of her hair before kissing her forehead. He stood back up and walked to the door. He began to walk out, but then stopped and turned back to his daughter, "Sweet dreams, Celine." He smiled and closed the door behind him.

He took a few steps and met Aimee's door. He pushed it open and saw the moonlight shining over the dark room. Nothing had changed since the day he'd come up to find Meredith other then the diary lying on top of the now scrunched up bedding. He walked over to the bookcase that was leaning against the far wall. The top shelf was full of sports awards. Aimee had been good at all of them from volleyball, track, basketball, field hockey and softball. Derek had missed out on so many of her games and meets, but was as proud of her as he could possibly be.

As he looked at her room again, he realized that was a lie. Before, he hadn't been proud of her. He'd been proud of Celine, but not Aimee. Aimee was too free spirited and unlike Derek. She didn't want to go to college or have anything to do with school. If she could, she would spend her entire life outside being active. Derek loved being outside too, but he couldn't get past her grades. He never took the time to realize that her strengths were in so many other areas of life. Areas that were just as important as grades. Derek sighed, but then smiled, knowing that he probably would get the chance to fix all of these mistakes and tell Aimee how proud he really is of her.

As Derek walked out of the room, he turned back and took one more look. He suddenly saw Aimee in there, at the age of 4, then 7, then 9, and then 15. Every time, she was peacefully asleep in her bed, with a beautiful smile on her face. Derek smiled again, "Sweet Dreams, Aimee."

Derek slowly walked down the stairs. Up until he'd begun to get sick, every night he'd come up after they were asleep and say goodnight to them. Sometimes he'd already be in bed, with Meredith sleeping next to him, but he'd get up just to see them peacefully asleep. It was the one time that he could say anything he wanted to them without their teenage responses that sometimes drove him insane, but other times it was the only way he could get his stubborn mind to apologize for what he'd done wrong.

He figured that once or twice they were probably awake, but no one spoke of what he said to them when he was up there at night. It was a secret between each other them, a secret they held close to their hearts. Every night afterwards, he'd come back downstairs and once Meredith was asleep, he'd do the same for her. He'd tell her everything on his mind and make sure she knew he loved him, but she never said a word about it. Derek knew it was slightly pathetic that he could only speak to his family when he thought they were asleep, when he was free from all consequences, but he still couldn't make himself be brave enough to say them any other way.

When Derek got downstairs, the house was still silent. He headed towards his bedroom and saw light creeping out from under the door. He pushed the door open and found Meredith asleep on the made bed with an album open next to her. He walked over to her and looked at the album. It was open to Aimee's tenth birthday party. That was the year that Celine decided she wanted to be a photographer, so they had a million pictures of the party. Derek smiled at the memories before closing the album and putting it away.

He walked over to the wall and flipped off the light. He gently began to pull down the covers before pulling them over Meredith, careful not to wake her. Afterwards, he quickly changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt before joining Meredith in bed. Before he even had the covers over him, Meredith had turned and cuddled close to him, letting him know that she wasn't mad at him anymore. He smiled and kissed her on the head, waiting for her to slip into her dreams so he could say all the words he didn't want to leave unsaid.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63:**

**May 8, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

"Uggh," Meredith groaned as her eyes opened due to the incisive ringing noise. She opened her eyes and looked at her clock. It was 5:30 am. Meredith heard Derek snoring loudly as the ringing began again. She pulled the covers off her, realizing that she wasn't under them when she went to bed, and walked across the room to pick up her phone.

"Hello?"

"Get up."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I am up. Thanks to you."

"Get dressed and come outside."

"Why?"

"Because, I said so."

"No."

"Don't fight with me."

"Why should I get dressed when I could go back to sleep or have sex with my husband? Both of those sound a little more appealing to me at this point in time," Meredith replied.

"Just do it."

"Bailey sent you, didn't she?"

"No, I'm your person. I don't need people to send me. Now get dressed and get outside. I'm already waiting."

"Cristina, it's 5:30 in the morning. Come back at noon."

"Noon? Are you forgetting that you are a doctor? Get out here!"

"Fine," Meredith said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

Meredith quickly began to get dressed, knowing that if she took too long, she'd have to hear about it from Cristina all day. As she closed her dresser drawer, Derek slowly sat up and squinted his eyes, adjusting to the light, "What are you doing? What time is it?"

"I'm getting dressed and it's 5:30," Meredith said as she pulled a shirt over her head.

"Why are you getting dressed?"

"Because Cristina is sitting in our driveway and she woke me up," Meredith said, obviously not happy about it.

"Just ignore her and come back to bed," Derek said as he dropped his head back down on the pillow.

"I already tried that," Meredith said as she grabbed her purse and walked over to the bed. "I'll see you later," she said before leaning over to kiss Derek. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on the bed as he continued to kiss her. She led him on for a little while, but then pulled away laughing, "I've got to go."

"Oh, come on," Derek plead with a puppy dog face.

"Usually, that would work, but I don't want to face Cristina's rage," Meredith joked as she walked away from Derek, "I love you," she called out before leaving the room.

"Love you too," Derek said before rolling back over and going to sleep.

* * *

Meredith grabbed a pop tart and hurried outside, sliding into the passenger side of Cristina's car.

"Took you long enough," Cristina said as she began to back out of the driveway.

"Care to tell me where we're going?" Meredith asked as she began to eat her breakfast.

"No."

"Okay, then why did you feel the need to wake me up at 5:30?" Meredith asked.

"Because I was up and when I suffer, you must too."

"Why?"

"Because you're my person. It's the way the world works," Cristina said as she headed out on the main road.

Meredith silently ate her pop tart for a few minutes while Cristina continued to drive. Once Meredith was finished, she brushed off the crumbs and looked over at Cristina, "Do you think she'll come back?"

Cristina looked over at Meredith, "I hope so."

"What do you mean 'you hope so?' Do you think she's not coming back? Do you think I Derek and I were bad parents? I mean, do you think I am a bad mother?" Meredith continued, talking rapidly.

"Mer, shut up," Cristina said making her friend calm down and take a deep breath, "Just sit back and relax. I don't feel like listening to you freak out right now."

"Then you shouldn't have woke me up."

"Mer."

"Fine, I'm shutting up," Meredith said as she crossed her arms.

* * *

After fifteen minutes of a silent ride, Meredith began to recognize where they were going, "Why are we going to your house?"

"Meredith, I said to shut up."

"No, it's almost 6 in the morning. You have a husband and a teenager and I know they both enjoy their sleep. I really don't want to have to hear her and Burke complain about me waking them up," Meredith said.

"Meredith, seriously. Shut up."

"Cris-"

"Meredith," Cristina said a little forcefully.

"Fine."


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64:**

**May 8, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

A few minutes later Meredith walked into Cristina's house and saw Izzie and George sitting on the couch. George's face was in his hands and Izzie looked tired. Meredith began to get a little worried as Cristina forced her into the living room and made her take a seat.

"Meredith, there is something we need to tell you," Cristina began, "Well, more, they need to tell you."

"What? What's going on? Have you all heard from Aimee? Is she alright? Is my baby alright?" Meredith said, getting faster and louder with each word as her body began to tense up.

"Mer, this isn't about Aimee," Cristina said calmly as George's face lifted from his hands. He looked at Meredith and all she could see was guilt.

"Mer," George began.

"What? What George? What don't I know?" Meredith said as she stood up.

"Meredith, sit down," Cristina said calmly as she pulled Meredith back down on the couch.

"Mer, when you, when you came back, from New York, there was something, something that I was supposed to do. Something I was supposed to tell you," George said.

"That was twenty years ago. What are you talking about?" Meredith asked in a desperate voice.

"I don't know, I just, I just forgot. I thought about it, but, we, well, we weren't speaking, and then well, you left with Derek, and when you came back, you were engaged and pregnant, and things, things just happened, happened so fast, I just forgot, and I'm," George stuttered through every word, "I'm so sorry," after he finished his head collapsed back in his hands as tears rolled down his face.

"George, what the hell are you talking about?" Meredith screamed and tried to stand up again, but Cristina grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"It's, it's my fault," Izzie said quietly, making everyone realize she was there, "George wanted to tell you. I just blew it off. I didn't care. I was selfish. I was just so mad, not really at you, but I took it out on you. It's not George's fault. Don't be mad at him. Be mad at me. I deserve it." Her voice never reached above a whisper as she stared at the wall through every word.

Meredith's face was red and her eyes were full with tears. Her frail body looked weaker then ever and her heart was racing. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew for a fact that it was bad. Her friends wouldn't be acting like this if it weren't bad. Especially Cristina. Cristina wouldn't be rubbing her arm, trying to soothe her if it wasn't bad. Meredith's breathing continued to get faster as she waited for someone to explain this. She wanted an explanation.

* * *

Alex rolled over and got himself out of bed. He looked at his wife Shannon still lying in the bed, "Who is it?"

"I don't know," Alex said before he pulled on a shirt as the door bell continued to ring.

"It's going to wake up the kids," she mumbled into her pillow.

"Good, they shouldn't sleep in till noon anyways," Alex said before walking downstairs. When he reached the door, he was surprised by what he saw.

* * *

"Mer, a few days after you left, your father came to see you," George mumbled.

"What? What does my father have to do with anything? Why are you talking about him? I haven't spoke to him in twenty years," Meredith said in a confused and panicked voice.

"He, he wanted to talk to you, but you already had left," George said quietly.

"This isn't making any sense. Why are you all freaking out? This is making any sense!"

"Mer, calm down," Cristina said.

"No, I'm not going to calm down until someone tells me what the hell is going on!" Meredith yelled as she pulled her arm away from Cristina's soothing grasp.

"And when you were on your honeymoon, he came back again, Mer. He said he wanted to make things right. He said he was sorry that he left and that he wanted to talk to you, to know you. He wanted to know his daughter," George continued in a muffled voice, unable to look directly at Meredith.

"Why are you all freaking out if this happened twenty years ago?" Meredith asked, this time not yelling, but equally desperate.

"Mer, we were on call last night," Izzie said, "All of us."

"We got paged down to the ER, it, it was your father," George said.

Meredith's eyes flashed from Izzie to George and back again, waiting for an explanation. She didn't understand why they'd be freaking out so much. It didn't make any sense.

"He, he was in a car accident, Mer," George began. Meredith knew there was much more to this story.

* * *

"Aimee?" Alex said as the sixteen year old wrapped her arms around the man she knew as her Uncle. "What are you doing here? Where have you been?"

Alex led Aimee over to the couch in the living room, where they sat down, "I know, I should go home, but I can't. I don't want to face them, but I can't stay where I was."

Alex looked over Aimee's thinning body, "Aimee, what happened to you?"

"It's, I, I was just so scared," Aimee mumbled as she buried her head in her Uncle's chest and broke down. Alex was completely overwhelmed. He had no idea how to deal with this, so he just held her and let her cry.

* * *

"Mer, when he came in, he was almost gone," George mumbled, "He could talk, but that was about it. He said he was coming to see you, to give you something. He said he understood why you never forgave him and that it was his fault that he never got to know you."

"He, he came back for me? Three times?" Meredith asked quietly.

"He needed surgery," George continued, ignoring Meredith's question, "I tried, but I'd already been there for twenty-four hours and I was exhausted. It's not an excuse, I should have had someone else do the surgery and I don't know what happened, but something, something went wrong. I did something wrong."

* * *

"Aimee, we need to get you home," Alex said, trying to get Aimee to sit up.

"No, I can't go back there. My parent's would never understand. My Dad's going to kick me out and my Mom will hate me. I can't go back there," Aimee said in between tears.

"There's a lot you don't know about your parents. They might not react that way," Alex said, trying to comfort her, "Look, I've known your parents for twenty some years and neither one of them are perfect. They'll forgive you for whatever happened."

"You don't know, do you?" Aimee said calming down and looking up at Alex.

"No, what are you talking about?"

"Uncle Alex, I'm…. I'm pregnant."

* * *

Derek woke up after hearing the front door slam shut. He opened his eyes and made himself get out of bed. Before he took two steps away from the bed, Meredith came shuffling into the room. She threw the things she was holding down and wrapped her arms around an unexpected Derek.

As soon as her wet face pressed against his chest, he got worried, "Mer, what's wrong?" he asked as he pulled her closer to him.

"Just make it go away."

Derek sat down on the bed, pulling her on to his lap, "Make what go away, baby?"

"Everything," Meredith said catching her breath, "Just all the pain."

Derek had no idea what she was talking about, so he just held her while she cried.

* * *

Derek lay in his bed an hour later, holding Meredith who had finally drifted off to sleep. She was lying on his chest, her hair spread out against his body. He hadn't been able to sleep at all. He was worried about Aimee and now he was worried about Meredith. She didn't break down like this that much, but he knew that the last few months had been incredibly hard on her.

_Derek held tightly on to Meredith's hand as she leaned against him, with her head resting on his shoulder. They walked across the empty sandy beach with the waves slowly coming in and out, barely brushing against their feet._

_"See, I told you you'd like the beach," Derek said smiling._

_"It's February, it's freezing out here."_

_"That's what I'm for," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him, "Besides, you can't come to Virginia Beach and not go to the beach. It's an unspoken law of nature."_

_"Well, I do have to admit, it's beautiful."_

_"Just wait till the summer. The entire atmosphere is amazing. There's different kinds of music everywhere, people all over the boardwalk, tons of different stores, it's great," Derek said smiling as he took her left hand in his and slid his finger across her new diamond._

_Meredith looked down at the diamond on her hand as Derek ran his finger across it a few times. She couldn't believe that they were engaged already, "Derek? Can you promise me something?"_

_"Anything," Derek said._

_Meredith stopped and turned around to face Derek. The seriousness in her eyes almost worried him, "Promise me that you won't let me fall apart like that again. I don't want to be miserable and I don't want to make you miserable. Just don't let me."_

_Derek's eyes softened after hearing her words. He gently kissed her on the lips and then looked in her eyes, "I promise."_

Derek smiled at the memory, but then looked at his very vulnerable wife. Last time she'd fallen apart it was from a series of stressful, traumatic events and that was happening again. This time, she was depending on him to fix it all, but he had no idea how.

As Derek continue to run his fingers through her hair, trying to figure out how to comfort her, the phone rang. He gently lifted Meredith's head up and placed it on the bed so that he could get up. He walked across the room to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Shepherd?"

"Yes, this is him."

"Hi, I'm sorry to disturb you, but this is Ms. Hanks from the clinic. I just wanted to tell you that your daughter's appointment was canceled. The police can still get her contact information, but I just thought I should inform you."

Derek sighed, "Thank you."

"I'm sorry, but I still hope you find her."

"Thank you for telling me," Derek said before hanging up the phone. He leaned against his dresser and ran his hands through his hair and looked at Meredith. He thought he at least had Aimee figured out, but now he didn't have a solution to any of the problems.

* * *

"Do your parents know?" Alex asked.

"No, I never told them. I didn't tell anyone," Aimee said as she began to cry again.

"How far a long?"

"A month."

Alex sighed, "We need to get you checked out and home. You need your family with you through this."

"I'm not going to the hospital," Aimee said forcefully, "Someone there will tell my parents. I'm not going, I can't."


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65:**

Izzie closed her cell phone and looked her friends. George had his head in his hands, fighting the sleep that was trying to consume him and had been trying for hours now. Cristina had returned from taking Meredith home. She looked emotionless as she sat on the couch facing the wall, just emotionless. No one said anything, but Izzie had to break the silence.

"That was Alex," she said a little uncomfortably, "Aimee showed up."

George slowly lifted his head and tilted it to face Izzie. It was like her words showed hope that maybe Meredith would forgive him.

"She won't go home or go to the hospital. She just wants to stay there," Izzie said.

"The hospital? Why would she go to the hospital?" Cristina asked.

"She's pregnant," Izzie said calmly, waiting for a reaction.

Cristina was about to jump up and scold the girl for doing such a thing at her age, even though she wasn't anywhere near them, but she stopped herself. Instead she led her mind to a different train of thought, "She went to Alex? Out of all of us, Alex?"

"She's always been close to Alex. You know that. It's the sports thing," Izzie said shrugging it off.

"Why did he call you? Shouldn't he call Meredith?" Cristina asked.

"They aren't answering their phone," Izzie said quietly as George placed his head back in his hands.

* * *

Meredith woke up and noticed that Derek was no longer with her. She sat up and realized that the house was completely quiet, which seemed to be becoming a commonality. She pulled herself off her bed and up the stairs. She walked into her daughter's room and sat on the bed. She picked up the small stuffed animal that she had given to Aimee when she was a few days old.

She brought it close to her chest and it still smelt like her daughter. It brought tears to her eyes as she began to wonder if her father ever thought about her like this after he left. She couldn't imagine leaving her children and she still couldn't figure out how her father left her. She wanted to be able to forgive him, she really did, but she couldn't make herself. After letting herself cry for a few minutes, she wiped away the tears and put the stuffed animal back where she found it and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

She walked downstairs and into the kitchen. She opened up and top cabinet and grabbed a full bottle. She pulled it down and dragged herself back to her room where she fell on the bed. She opened the bottle and slowly drowned her sorrows in the bottle of tequila.

**When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse**

And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Derek walked back in the house, completely covered in sweat. He wanted to get everything off of his mind and the only way he knew to do that besides surgery was running.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water while he caught his breath again. He downed the water and grabbed another before heading into his bedroom to get a shower and see Meredith.

When he walked into his bedroom, he wasn't happy about what he saw. Meredith was passed out with an empty bottle of tequila in her grasp. Derek picked up the bottle and placed it on the nightstand before picking up Meredith. He pulled down the covers and placed her in bed. He kissed her forehead and turned out the light before heading towards the bathroom. When he pushed the door open, he stopped and looked back. He hadn't held his promise. He left her and let her fall apart again. Derek shook his head and walked into the bathroom, deciding he couldn't begin to help her until she was awake and that wouldn't happen for a while.

**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bon  
And I will try to fix you**

"Aimee, if you aren't going to go home then at least explain to me what happened," Alex plead.

"I just can't go back there. I can't go back to Luke and I can't go back home," she said sobbing.

"Luke? That's the guy, right?" Alex asked. She shook her head as he hugged her tightly, "When did we get so distant, kid?"

"I'm not a kid," she said smiling through her tears, "I'm going to be a mom."

"Then I'll change the question, when did you decide to grow up?" Alex asked.

"When did you?" she asked jokingly.

"Your Aunt Shannon made me," he said laughing a little, "Now tell me about this Luke guy."

Aimee's smile quickly disappeared, "He changed. He was different after we left," she said as she gently pulled her sleeve down, "but I still love him, I don't know why, but I do."

Alex looked at her confused for a moment until things started clicking. He looked down at her hand and put his hand over it to stop her. His other hand gently lifted up her sleeve, "Aimee…" he said in a disbelieving voice.

**And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth**

Derek got out of the shower and walked into his empty room. Empty being the keyword there. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and went looking for Meredith. She wasn't anywhere downstairs or upstairs. He began to get a little worried until he happened to look out one of the windows in the living room. He headed to the back wall of the living room that was basically all windows, with French doors. He walked outside and saw Meredith lying down on one of the lounge chairs.

She was awake, but she looked like she was in a trance. She was staring off in a random direction and she wasn't moving or showing any sign that she knew he was there. Derek sighed and walked over to her. She was on the side of the chair, so Derek laid down behind her, not touching her, almost afraid of her drunken reaction. She didn't look back at him or take her attention away from the spot in the sky that she was fixated on; she just leaned back in him and took his hand. She wrapped it around her body and intertwined their fingers, resting it close to her heart.

**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you**

Another silence had settled between the three friends. You'd think after being friends for twenty years, they'd know what to say when one of them needs to be comforted, but they didn't. All three of them were lost and confused, especially George.

George oddly enough, was the one who broke the silence. He lifted his head up, which drew both of the woman's attention and he looked at a random spot on the wall in front of him, "Did she really say that?"

Cristina gave him an apologetic look, "Yeah, she did," she said quietly. Both her and Izzie were surprised that she was the one who tried to comfort George. Granted that wasn't going to make him feel any better, it was the only thing Cristina knew to do.

"She really said she wasn't going to forgive me," George said, almost not believing his own words.

"Sorry, George," Cristina said before getting up and walking upstairs, she didn't deal with situations like these very well.

As George placed his head back in his hands, Izzie silently rubbed his back, not knowing what in the world she could say.

**Tears stream down your face  
when you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I**

Meredith and Derek walked back inside as their front door opened. A frail young girl walked in, followed by an older man. Meredith couldn't believe her eyes. The girl ran into Meredith's arms and Meredith couldn't have been happier, but she let out a million tears anyways. Derek smiled and wrapped one arm around his family and looked back up at the man, "Thanks, Alex. Really, thank you." He didn't understand why Alex had her or any of it, but right now, he didn't care. She was home.

**Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I**

Aimee let go of her mother after a few minutes and looked up at her father not knowing what to expect. Derek looked down at her with a face, that was impossible to read, after all, he didn't completely know what he was feeling right now. A few incredibly drawn out and painful moments passed and everyone waited for what Derek would do.

Derek's face finally softened into a small smile and he walked over to his daughter. "I missed you, honey. I'm glad you're home," he said as a tear rolled down his face. Aimee's eyes watered as Derek wrapped his arms around his young daughter.

"I missed you too Daddy, I love you."

"I love you too, honey," Derek said almost afraid to let her go.

**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you**


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66:**

**May 13, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

The reunited family got in their car on a rainy Seattle morning. Meredith seemed to be in a daze and Derek kept a very watchful eye on her while holding her hand in the car. Their daughters sat in the back, silent, not knowing what to expect; none of them did.

When they reached the cemetery, Derek turned off the car and everyone got out except for Meredith. She didn't move. She hadn't been there since they buried her mother twenty years ago and she wasn't happy about being back. Derek got back in the car while his daughters waited knowingly outside.

"Mer, we can go home if you want," Derek said a little unsure of how to approach her.

"No, I should be here. It's the right thing to do, right?" she asked looking at him with her eyes full of vulnerability.

"Only you can decide that," Derek said squeezing her hand.

Meredith took a deep breath and looked out the window, "Okay, I can do this."

"You can do this," Derek repeated before getting out of the car. He opened an umbrella and walked over to the other side of the car for Meredith to get under it as she got out of the car.

Meredith looked up at Derek for reassurance before taking a step closer to the funeral. He smiled down at her and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She relaxed a little and the family made their way towards the large group of people.

Meredith's eyes immediately met those of her father's wife. Derek felt her tense up a little and he pulled her closer. The woman was crying as she looked up at Meredith. She gave her a look full of hate and confusion, one that Meredith didn't deserve.

The funeral went on as Meredith stood close to Derek with their daughters in front of them, in the pouring down rain. Eyes continued to look over at Meredith and her family. No one knew who she was other than the rest of the Grey family. As the funeral came to an end, Derek squeezed Meredith's hand tighter and she looked up at him.

"I think we should go," she whispered. Derek gave her a sympathetic smile and kissed her on the forehead before turning around with his daughters following them.

"Meredith? Meredith!"

Meredith felt tears running down her face as she ignored the noise behind her. She didn't want to deal with the family she never had. Celine and Aimee quickly got in the back of the car as Derek opened her door for her.

"Meredith."

Meredith looked up and met the eyes of a woman that she'd only seen once before in her life, but could have recognized anywhere. Her image was glued next to her father's, in the place where her mother should have been.

"Meredith, could we talk?"

"Actually, we were on our way out," Derek said coming to Meredith's rescue. He knew she wasn't ready to deal with this and he didn't want her to hurt anymore then she already had been.

"It'll only take a moment."

Meredith wiped away her tears before looking towards the woman, "What is there to say?"

Derek was surprised that she'd said anything, but he didn't stop her. There were lots of times that he didn't understand her actions, but he knew to just let her do what she needed to do.

"I just wanted to let you know that he really did love you. He'd always tell people that he had three daughters, not two. And after he found you, he'd brag about you and say how successful you are. He's always been proud of you."

"Well, he never told me that so I really don't have any reason to believe it. I'm gonna go because my daughters are in the car," Meredith said turning to get back in her car.

"Wait, Meredith."

Meredith turned around and looked at the woman. She looked sad and desperate. She looked broken. Meredith almost sympathized with her; after all she'd felt like that way too many times in her life. Meredith looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Did you get it? The envelope he was bringing you? Did they give it to you?"

"Yes."

"Did you read it?"

Meredith shook her head, "No. I didn't and I don't think I'm going to. I've moved past what my father did and now I have my own daughters to worry about. I'm not going to let him or your family make me feel guilty for never forgiving him because I'm still not going to. Please, just leave us alone."

Meredith got in the car and looked over to Derek who was sitting with his hands on the steering wheel. She looked back at her daughters and gave them a half-hearted smile telling them that it was okay. Or at least that it would be okay.

She looked back at Derek who started the car and began to back away from the funeral. She looked over towards her father's wife and saw that her daughters had joined her. The daughters were trying to comfort their mother who never took her eyes off of Meredith until she was out of sight.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67:**

**May 13, 2026- Seattle, Washington**

When they got home, Meredith didn't want to talk about anything with Derek, so he just backed off. Instead she decided to deal with the other problems in her life.

Meredith and Derek sat down on the couch in their living room and called down Aimee. Aimee looked a little nervous as she sat across from her parents on the loveseat.

"Aimee, we've given you a few days to get back into the swing of things, but we need to deal with what happened. We don't ever want to make you feel like you have to leave again," Derek said as he held on tightly to Meredith's hand.

"I didn't leave because of anything you all did. I was mad, but I wouldn't leave because I was mad," Aimee said. She seemed to be a little more open then they had expected her to be, but she'd had a few days to think everything out.

"Honey, you need to tell us when something happens. I know I haven't really been around, but you can always come to me or your mother or your sister. Even your uncles or aunts," Derek said, knowing Meredith wasn't emotionally stable enough to have this conversation.

"I wanted to be a family. With Luke," Aimee said as she pulled down her sleeve a little.

Derek quickly took note of her hands moving and he didn't like what his mind was putting together, "Aimee, I'm glad you are home, but what exactly made you come home?"

This part, Aimee wasn't ready for. What was she supposed to tell them? If she told them the truth, then everything that they had said would have been true and she didn't want to admit to being wrong. "I just missed everyone," Aimee lied.

Derek doubted her response and the look on his face made Aimee realize that she hadn't been very convincing. He knew she'd been going through a lot and she didn't want to put her through anything else, "I'm just glad you're home."

Aimee smiled, "Thanks Dad. I am too."

* * *

"We should have asked her," Meredith said as she pulled the covers on her and got adjusted into bed.

"Asked her what?" Derek asked as he turned off the lights and headed over towards the bed.

"What she was going to do with the baby," Meredith said.

"We should give her some time," Derek said.

"If she wants to keep it, I'm going to let her."

Derek got into bed and looked over at Meredith, "Mer, she's sixteen. She's in school. She can't have a child. It'll ruin her life."

"If she wants it, she can have it," Meredith said a little more sternly.

"Meredith, everything that is important to her will fall apart. You can't keep up with sports when you're pregnant or when you are staying up all nights with a crying baby," Derek said.

"No, she'll just find new things that are important to her," Meredith said.

"Really?"

"Yes," Meredith said before turning away from Derek and closing her eyes.

Derek sighed. Of course. He'd managed to piss her off. Again.


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68:**

**May 14, 2026- 2am**

"Hmmm, Derek stop making so much noise," Meredith mumbled into her pillow as she shuffled a little under the covers, opening her eyes. As she began to wake up, the noise became too familiar.

She sat up immediately and turned to Derek. He was sitting up, hunched over, coughing, just like he had so many nights in the past. "Oh god, Derek, be okay," she whispered between her tears as she tried to help him the best she could.

She let go of him for a moment, remembering that she had placed a bottle of water on her nightstand. She grabbed it as his coughing slowed and handed it to him. When he finally caught his breath and taken a sip of the water, he handed it back to Meredith. She placed it where she had found it and then wrapped her arms around Derek.

His breathing was still a little short and his heartbeat was racing. Meredith didn't want to think about what this could mean. She was a doctor; she knew the possibilities and none of them were good. All she wanted to do in that moment was hold onto Derek, forget the rest of the world, and never let go.

* * *

Meredith woke up, happily in Derek's arms. For the first few moments she was awake, she'd completely forgotten all about his coughing fit. She rolled over to shut of the alarm clock and then leaned back into Derek's bare chest. She knew he was awake, as his arms tightened around her, but his eyes stayed closed like he was trying to fight away the day.

"Let's stay in bed today," Derek mumbled into her ear, his hot breath against her skin.

"We can't. We have kids and jobs. Jobs we've been slacking on lately," Meredith said smiling.

"One more day won't hurt anyone," Derek said as he began to kiss her neck.

"No self control," she muttered as he moved his lips over to hers.

Derek laughed a little as he rolled on top of Meredith, continuing to kiss her. Meredith's thoughts of work and kids easily slipped her mind as she felt Derek's body against hers. His arm was working her shirt over her head when he suddenly rolled off of her and began coughing heavily again.

It didn't last as long as it had the night before, but it scared Meredith just as bad. Once he caught his breath, he laid back down on his pillow and Meredith wrapped her arms around him, afraid to let go.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, completely involved in their own thoughts, until Meredith opened her mouth. Her eyes were empty and weren't focused on any one object. "We have to go to the hospital."

Derek felt a tear roll down her cheek and land on his chest. He gently caressed her back and kissed her forehead. "I know," he whispered quietly.


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69:**

"Well," Burke said looking at the chest x-rays, "I'm not going to lie to you, Derek, it doesn't look good."

Derek felt Meredith's grip tighten on his hand. He felt like it was complete déjà vu. "How bad is it, Preston?"

Burke placed the x-ray down and walked over to his friends. He'd known them for more than twenty years and they were practically family. He'd been at their wedding and vice versa. He didn't want to have to be the one to do this. Not again. "Derek, you pulled through last time when no one that you could. You can do it again."

The words slowly cut through Derek's mind, but they hit Meredith instantly. He felt her curl up to him and cry. Her tears melted into his clothes, but his brain didn't process anything. He was still trying to process the fact that he ever had cancer to begin with and fought it. But now, now he has it again.

"Derek, we will have to try a different type of chemotherapy this time. It will be much more rigorous and you'll have to chance losing your hair," Preston said, trying to at least crack a smile, but it didn't work. He began to think that Derek wasn't hearing a word he was saying. Preston grabbed Derek's chart and x-ray before turning back to his friends; "I'll leave you two alone for a bit." He received a nod from Derek and then headed outside the room.

As Preston closed the door he saw Cristina running down the hall, "I just got out of the OR. Bailey said that Derek was back. What the hell happened?"

Preston sighed and looked down, "It's back."

Cristina looked in the window into the room. Derek and Meredith were both sitting on the bed, their legs hanging over the side. Meredith was curled up close into Derek's lap, her hair falling down around her, covering her face. Derek's hands were wrapped around her, caressing her, but his eyes were focused straight ahead.

She could tell he wasn't looking at anything. His eyes were slightly glazed over, but she could still see the tears forcing to fall. Cristina looked back down at Meredith who looked frail as her body shook with tears. She finally forced herself to look away and turn back towards her husband. He swallowed hard and looked down, helplessly. "It's out of our hands now," he said quietly.

* * *

"We need to discuss your course of treatment," Preston said as he sat down across from Derek. "We can go with a course of chemotherapy or we could try a few clinical trials. This is all up to you and Meredith and you both can take your time, but time is also-"

"Running out," Derek interrupted out Preston.

Preston sighed, "I was going to say crucial. Not running out. We don't get to decide that."

Derek looked around Preston's office. He'd been in here hundreds of times. It was nothing new, but it felt different from this perspective. He wasn't in here because he was a fellow doctor, but a patient. "Preston, I've never been a religious man. I was raised catholic, went to church, went through all of the sacraments, but then I went to school, got married, got busy. I stopped going, stopped caring. Now the thing I stopped caring about is the only thing that can save me. Ironic, huh?"

Preston was unsure of what to say to Derek. Obviously he'd been going through some things. Surprisingly, Meredith wasn't at his side. Preston could only remember a hand full of times that she hadn't been and the fact that she wasn't here today was obviously weighing on his mind.

"You can still make up for lost time," Preston said, unsure of what he could say to make his friend feel better. "You are a good man. A good man deserving survival. Like I told you before, you fought this before and you can fight this again."

"You seem much more sure of that then I am."

* * *

"What are you doing down here?" Cristina asked after finally finding Meredith. She was sitting on an abandoned gurney down in the basement.

"When we were interns, we use to come down here when things got difficult. No one else even came down here. It was like our safe haven. I came down here to think a lot. And right now, right now I need to think."

Cristina gave Meredith a concerned look and then sat down next to her. "You shouldn't be here. You should be upstairs in that office."

"Shut up," Meredith said harshly.

"You should. Derek has always been there for you. You should be there for him."

Meredith felt a tear fall down her face, "I have been. I was there the first time, but right now, right now I need to think. No one should have to go through this. Not once, not twice. It's not fair."

"I know," Cristina said, leaning back onto the brick wall.

* * *

"Still down here?"

Meredith looked up from her hands and saw Derek down the hall. He smiled at her and made his way down to the gurney. He looked around the empty basement and sat down next to her. "So this is where you go to hide from me in the hospital?"

"I'm not hiding," Meredith said avoiding his glance.

"Oh, really?" Derek asked, sounding like he was in a much better mood then before.

"I'm not. I'm thinking."

"What about?" Derek asked, knowing the answer.

"Everything."

Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith and pulled her head towards his chest, "I think I need to do some thinking too. Mind if I do it with you?"

"Okay," Meredith said softly.

Derek kissed her forehead and settled himself against the hard brick wall. "I love you, Mer."

"Love you too," Meredith mumbled, her eyes welding up with tears.


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70:**

**May 16, 2026-**

"What are you doing here?" Cristina asked as she saw Meredith walk down the hall of the hospital.

"Derek has been admitted to the hospital," Meredith said sadly.

"Do Celine and Aimee know?"

"How do you tell your children that their father has cancer for the second time? They can't handle this. Celine won't go to Dartmouth and Aimee won't have her baby. I can't let them sacrifice their dreams and lives. I'm just going to wait a little longer."

"Waiting isn't always the best thing to do," Cristina responded.

"What else can I do, Cristina?" Meredith asked before continuing her walk down the hall.


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71:**

**July 7, 2026**

"Meredith, we need to talk," Derek said as Meredith fixed the bouquets of flowers around his room.

"No, you need to rest. We can talk when you get out of here," Meredith said happily, not looking over at her husband.

Derek sighed and looked out the hospital window and then back down to his own weak body. "Meredith, we need to talk. You know I might not leave this place."

"Of course you will. You fought it before when it was much worse. Have faith Derek," Meredith said, still arranging the flowers.

"Meredith, come here," Derek said getting frustrated.

Meredith turned around and Derek saw her upset look the second she laid eyes on him. She turned away and put her smile back on before walking over to him. He knew she was faking it and he would have told her not to, but he knew the fake smiles and laughs were the only thing keeping her sane nowadays.

Meredith sat down in a chair next to Derek and smiled at him. He gave her a weak smile and grabbed her hand, holding it close to his heart. "Meredith, we have two daughters and we are going to have a grand-son in four months. They all depend on us and when I'm gone," Derek paused as he felt Meredith flinch at his words. He swallowed hard and then began again, "When I'm gone, they are still going to need you. I know we've discussed this before, but I need you to stay strong, Mer. Stay strong for me."

"Derek, you aren't going anywhere," Meredith said as she blew off the entire topic. "Now, we should really talk to Preston about getting you a different room. This one is way too small, especially for someone who has done so much for this hospital."

"Meredith," Derek said forcefully, "Listen to me. I'm not getting better. This is different this time. I need to know that my girls will be taken care of when I'm gone. I need to know that you will take care of yourself. I need to know that you won't through your own life away."

"Derek, stop it. When you start talking this way, you make yourself give up. When you don't give up, you live. So, don't talk this way."

"Meredith, trust me. If I could decide whether I lived or died, trust me, I would live. I just need to know that you will be okay. That you will survive this," Derek said squeezing her hand, "Even if I don't."

A single tear rolled down Meredith's face. Even though she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge that Derek might not survive, he knew that that tear was binding. Inside, he knew that she had agreed, and right then, that was all he needed.

* * *

**July 8, 2026-**

"Burke, be honest. How much time does he have left?" Cristina asked walking into her husband's office.

"He's fought it before Cristina."

"Cut the crap," Cristina said angrily, "I'm not Meredith. Tell me what is actually going on here."

"Just let them be happy. Let them enjoy what time they have left," Preston said, not satisfying Cristina.

"I'm not going to run and tell Meredith and I'm sure Derek already knows, so just tell me."

"He only has a few months left. Maybe," Preston said sounding helpless.

"What about the clinical trials?" Cristina asked. She knew that those were the words that Preston would probably have said, but hearing them was so much worse.

"He has tried one and he's now back to the normal chemotherapy treatment. They aren't helping very much. Not as much as they should."

"Oh," Cristina said sounding defeated before walking out of the office. She turned down the hallway and headed towards the locker room until a voice slowed down her pace.

"Where's Mer?"

"With Derek," Cristina answered as she walked down the hall of the hospital.

"How is she today?"

"Why don't you just go see her instead of asking me?" Cristina asked annoyed.

George's face fell a little. "Cristina you know she hasn't talked to me in two months. She's not going to forgive me. I just want to make sure she's okay."

Cristina stopped and turned around to face George, "Why the hell would she be okay? Her life is falling down around her and all you can do is whine because she won't forgive you for killing her father. Just leave her alone and go whine to your wife or something."

George was about to protest, but Cristina walked away before he could say a word.

* * *

"Meredith? It's time," Preston said, feeling bad for obviously interrupting something.

Meredith let go of Derek and looked behind her towards the door, "Okay." She nodded and then looked back towards Derek, "I'll go check on the girls and be back after the treatment. I promise," she said before kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Bye, baby," Derek said as Meredith stood up and grabbed her jacket.

She smiled at him before passing by Preston and walking out the door, which Preston closed behind her. "Cristina is going to keep her busy," he said as he walked over to the bed. "If either one of them knew what we were doing, we'd both be dead."

Derek chuckled a little, "Nowadays, Cristina's wrath doesn't seem all that bad."

* * *

"You do understand the risks of this, right?" Preston asked as the nurse placed his gloves on.

"If you do remember, at one point in time I was a surgeon too," Derek joked.

"You still are. You are just taking some time off," Preston said.

"Are you sure Meredith is out of this hospital?" Derek asked, suddenly getting a little worried.

"I am positive."

"And Aimee and Celine?" Derek asked.

"Izzie took them shopping for college and the baby. I'm sure they'll be gone for the rest of the night. Now stop talking and stop worrying. Just breathe in the happy gas and relax," Preston said.

"Tell Mer I love her," Derek said before the anesthesia took over his body.


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72:**

**July 8, 2026-**

Meredith walked into her house surprised by how quiet it was. She hurried up the stairs towards Celine and Aimee's rooms. Celine's was torn apart from her packing for college, but empty nonetheless. Next to that, Celine's room was also empty apart from the growing amounts of baby clothing and accessories.

As Meredith looked around the room she heard the front door open. She walked down the stairs, expecting to find her daughters and not Cristina who was standing expectantly in the foyer.

"Come on," was all the Cristina said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Come on," Cristina said opening the front door.

"No, I need to find out where my girls are," Meredith said walking towards the kitchen.

Cristina stopped her, "They are out shopping with Izzie. Now we are going to get you some real food since you've been living on hospital food. I did it when we were interns and I know how gross of a diet that is."

"No, I need to go back to the hospital and see Derek. His treatment doesn't take that long," Meredith said, still resisting Cristina.

"He always sleeps for at least three hours after his treatment and you know that. You don't need to sit there and watch him sleep. We are going to go eat," Cristina said, this time forcing Meredith out the door, shutting it behind them.

"I don't want him to wake up without me there," Meredith said, almost close to tears.

"Fine," Cristina said sympathizing with Meredith, "I'll call Burke and find out when he is done with his treatment. Then two hours after that, I'll let you go back. That way, you'll be able to watch him sleep for at least an hour and be there when he wakes up." Usually Cristina wouldn't have been so compromising, but she couldn't help it. Meredith looked like she was about to fall apart.

"Thanks, Cristina," she said sincerely.

"Yeah, whatever," Cristina replied, leading Meredith towards the car.

* * *

"Okay Cristina. We've eaten, shopped, and talked, everything. I've been gone for five hours. Can we please go back to the hospital now?"

"Jeez, so much for being grateful."

"Seriously Cristina. I just want to be there for him. You told me yourself that I need to be," Meredith said, proving her point.

"Okay, fine," Cristina said turning her car onto the high way, heading for Seattle Grace.

* * *

Meredith walked towards Derek's room while Cristina headed towards Burke's office. She opened the door expecting to find her husband asleep, but the room was empty. Meredith looked at the bed again to make sure that her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. But it wasn't. The bed was empty, only ruffled sheets against the mattress.

She felt her heart sink as she turned on her heels, frantically looking for someone. She saw a nurse she didn't recognize, but stopped her anyways, "Where is my husband?" she asked, almost screaming.

The nurse was alarmed by the terrified look on Meredith's face, "Ma'am, calm down. You shouldn't be down here."

"Don't you darn tell me I shouldn't be down here. I've worked here for twenty years now where the hell is my husband?" Meredith screamed.

"Mr. Shepherd?" the nurse asked looking at the chart by the door.

"Yes. Who else?" Meredith asked annoyed.

"I believe he went into surgery a few hours ago," the nurse said innocently.

"Surgery? He was supposed to be getting his chemotherapy treatment. Not surgery. What OR? What OR is he in?" Meredith asked. The nurse looked dumbfounded and Meredith rolled her eyes, "Never mind," she mumbled before hurrying down to the ORs.

After running up a flight of stairs, Meredith glanced up at the OR board, seeing her husbands name besides OR2. Meredith rushed down the hall and pushed open the scrub room door she grabbed a mask and hastily tied it around her face, realizing how long it'd been since she'd been in the OR.

As she made her way to the window separating the scrub room and the OR, a piercing sound penetrated through the air. The intern helping Burke began his efforts to save her husband.

Meredith had always been quick to react in situations like these. She was known for it in fact. Very few people died on her watch. But right now, hearing those monitors react; she had no idea what to do. She froze. She felt like she couldn't breathe.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter 73:**

"_Mommy?" Meredith was hunched over sitting on the side of her empty bed in her dimly lit room. Her face was flushed and her eyes were full of tears. At the sound of her daughter's voice, she pulled her head up as she brushed her hair out of her face._

_Her little daughter was barely visible in the almost closed door against the dark background of the hallway in the night. Her normally curly golden locks were messy against her sleepy head. _

_"Baby, go back to bed," Meredith whispered, not even hearing her own voice. _

_"Mommy? Why are you crying?"_

_"Mommy is just upset. Go back to bed. It's really late," Meredith said._

_"Where's Daddy? And why were you guys yelling?"_

_Meredith sniffled a little as her daughter ran over to her. Meredith picked her up and placed her on her lap, holding her close. "Daddy isn't here anymore."_

_"When is he going to come back?"_

_"I don't know if he will, baby."_

When Meredith woke up, she didn't know why that memory had snuck into her mind. That was the only time she can remember thinking that she would have to live without Derek after they were married. She couldn't remember what their fight had been about, but she could remember every second between the time he walked out the door and when he woke her up five hours later telling her how sorry he was.

She straightened herself out in the chair and looked over at the beeping monitors that had woken her up. Her eyes then looked down at her husband. He still hadn't woken up.


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter 74:**

**July 8, 2026-**

"You need to get her out of that room," Burke said looking at Cristina.

"Yeah, like that's going to happen. I took her out for a few hours and you went and tried to kill him."

"I was doing what my patient wanted," Burke said defensively.

"Without his wife's approval? What the hell were you thinking?" Cristina yelled.

"This isn't about Meredith. This is about Derek and what he wants. Meredith can hate me for it, but Derek wanted this surgery and I wasn't going to deny him," Burke said before turning and walking out of his office, leaving a thoroughly pissed off Cristina behind.

* * *

**July 9, 2026-**

Meredith looked at the clock hanging on the hospital room's wall. It was two in the morning and Derek still hadn't woken up. Saying she was worried was an understatement, but so was saying that she was mad. She was furious at the fact that no one found it important enough to tell her that her husband went into surgery.

But no matter how mad she was she just wanted him to be okay. That's why she hadn't left his room since he'd been brought there and that's why she'd been holding his cold hand all night. She was afraid of what would happen if she ever let go.

* * *

**July 11, 2026-**

Derek was awake. He'd been awake for over a day, but Meredith couldn't be happier. He was awake. He survived. She felt like nothing could bring her down right now. Her husband was alive and she was in his arms right now. Granted they were lying in a hospital bed and he was hooked up to more machines then she wanted to think about, but she was in his arms again.

Every bit of anger she held towards him and Burke completely disintegrated the second he opened his eyes and looked into hers. Everything just melted away. Nothing was as important as he was right then.

But now, she had to pry herself away from his arms and sit next to him. Doctors were about to come in to talk to them and she knew it wasn't appropriate for her to be lying with her arms wrapped around him. She hated the fact that she had to get up, but she understood it.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd," Dr. Henderson said as he walked in, followed by Burke.

"Okay," Burke said after he shut the door, "The surgery did help."

"You should be very thankful for that," Meredith said eyeing Burke carefully.

"I am," Burke responded, "But it didn't cure the cancer." Burke could see both of their faces falling as Meredith gripped Derek's hand tighter, "Derek, we knew this wasn't a cure going into it. It was going to help, which it did, but it isn't a cure."

"More chemotherapy, rest, and time is all that we can offer right now," Dr. Henderson added.

"You two both have a rough road ahead of you, but you've made it this far and I'm sure you will come out of it fine. Both of you will," Burke said.

As the doctors left, Meredith turned towards Derek who had a doubtful look upon his face. "Derek?"

"He's sugar coating it. He won't tell the truth when you're here. He thinks it's too much for you. It's probably Cristina's doing, but I'm a doctor. I know the truth without him having to say it," Derek answered dully.

"Derek-"

"Meredith, I still don't have much of a chance," Derek said cutting her off. Her head fell on him in tears, but he couldn't be strong this time. Instead of telling her everything was okay, he just cried with her.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter 75:**

**August 5, 2026-**

Meredith sat silently between her daughters. People continued to come up to them, shaking their hands, hugging them, kissing their foreheads and cheeks, telling them everything would be all right. Celine and Aimee would thank them, but Meredith never said a word. She couldn't. If she did, she would have to accept that this scene wasn't a dream and that it was all actually happening. She didn't want to do that. She just couldn't.

**Last night I had a crazy dream  
A wish was granted just for me,  
It could be for anything  
I didn't ask for money  
Or a mansion in Malibu  
I simply wished, for one more day with you**

Meredith knew she should speak at her own husband's funeral. People were a little surprised that she didn't, but she couldn't handle it. Instead, his sister Anna, Preston, Celine, and Aimee all spoke on his behalf. Meredith sat in the front not listening to a single word, her eyes on the sides of the casket, afraid to look inside.

**One more day  
One more time  
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
But then again  
I know what it would do  
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you**

The past year flashed before her eyes. So many things had happened. The last two months of Derek's life had been hard. After the second surgery, Meredith never left the hospital and no one tired to make her. She just stayed at Derek's side. She let go of everything else. She never performed surgery or drank. The only part left of her was Derek. She'd let everything else disintegrate without caring.

Now, now she had no idea what to do. Now there was nothing left for her. Her entire world was gone. She couldn't walk inside that hospital with her head high anymore or even look at a scalpel. She couldn't perform surgeries that Derek had taught her.

**First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl  
I'd unplug the telephone  
Keep the tv off  
I'd hold you every second  
Say a million I love you's  
That's what I'd do.**

**With one more day with you**

The only thing she could do was dream. Dreaming was the only thing that no one could take away from her. That and memories of course. Memories became Meredith's new tequila. She got sick off of them. She would daydream or relive memories for hours, not even noticing the time that was going by.

**One more day  
One more time  
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
But then again  
I know what it would do  
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you**

She had wishes too. She knew they would never be granted, but she still made them. She wished for Derek to be alive more times that she could remember. She really didn't have anything else to wish for. She didn't know anything else that she could possibly want. Nothing meant the same to her as Derek. Nothing ever had and she knew nothing ever would.

**One more day  
One more time  
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
But then again  
I know what it would do  
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you**

As the service ended, her daughters led her towards his grave. They had to bury him. That was something she couldn't face. She didn't want to watch the love of her life be lowered into the ground. Not today, not in one hundred years. It was something no one should ever have to do.

But she did, she had to. People said their last words before the grave was closed. Meredith's eyes kept venturing closer to the cherry wood, but she couldn't make herself look inside. She knew she needed to. Otherwise, she'd regret it for years to come.

Finally, at the last minute, she did. She looked inside and saw the shadow of the most amazing man she'd ever laid eyes on. She saw everything she'd been living for for the last twenty years lying in a wooden box. As she looked away, she realized something before her tears ever fell: Not every story has a happy ending.

**Leave me wishing still for one more day  
Leave me wishing still for one more day**

* * *

**_  
_**_I just wanted to remind you all that I was 13 when i originally wrote this story. I iddn't take into account everything that I possibly should have, but that doesn't mean I deserve any kind of rude comments as to the story's plot line. It wasn't intended to end this way, but sometimes things go differently than you plan. If you had or have an issue with the way I was writing or my characters were acting, then feel willing to not comment and not read my stories anymore. That doesn't mean I don't want readers, it's just that I don't believe anyone has the right to critizise my writing. I write for myself as a stress relief. I don't write for others, but it's an added bonus when others enjoy it. Please just do not leave any rude or condescending comments. _

_As for all of the people who have hated the way it's ended (which I don't blame you!) but have encouraged me and stuck around hopeful, thank you so much. I hate that you probably read the previous paragraph, but I felt like i had to say something. Thank you so much for reading and for all of your wonderful reviews. I hope you guys continue to read my stories. If this is the only one of mine you've read, I'd suggest you read Delicate. I think it's my best story yet!_**_  
_**

**  
**


	76. Author's Note & Songs

**Even though the ending many not be what any of you wanted, it is the ending that had to come. I've thought about writing an epilogue even though I actually finished this story a long time ago. In the fic world, on October 10th, Derek will have been dead for a year. The epilogue may be a sort of closure, but I'll only write it if you guys want me to, so when you review, just tell me if you want one.**

**Thank you so much for being with me throughout this whole story. I know it was a crazy ride and as it got close to the end, I wouldn't have blamed any of you for leaving. This story wasn't originally going to end this way, but it just kind of shows that you never know where life is going to take you. Even if Derek died, that doesn't mean that Meredith and Derek have died, because love is not mortal. It is my belief that true love never dies. So, I hope that you guys don't regret getting wrapped up in this story, despite it's unhappy ending.**

**Since many of you guys had asked for the songs used in this story over time, I decided to post a list.**

Timeless by Kate Havnevik- _Title_

When You Love Someone by Bryan Adams- _Chapter 2: Meredith & Jacob_

Don't Forget Me by Way Out West- _Chapter 7: Derek follows Meredith to airport (flashback)_

How to Save a Life by The Fray- _Chapter 8: Meredith falls apart on the elevator with Derek_

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane- _Chapter 9: Jacob questioning Meredith about her feelings for Derek_

Love is by Brian McKnight and Vanessa Williams- _Chapter 11:Meredith and Derek admit their feelings of love and kiss… all in an elevator!_

Trouble Sleeping by The Perishers- _Chapter 15: Meredith dreams of Derek and Jacob pries her for answers._

The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin-_ Chapter 16: Derek comes to Meredith at her apartment…. Again._

You're Still the One by Shania Twain- _Chapter 21: Meredith and Derek return to Seattle_

What Can I Say by Brandi Carlile- _Chapter 23: The suffering everyone endured after Meredith left (flashback)_

Someday Never Comes by Brandi Carlile- _Chapter 24: Meredith's lonely nights in New York and the beginning of Jacob_

Far Away by Nickelback- _Chapter 27: Meredith gets drunk and Derek saves her. _

Grey Street by Dave Matthews Band- _Chapter 30: Meredith begins to think she's like her father after seeing Finn and falls apart_

Rather Be Wine Drunk by The City on Film- _Chapter 30: Derek follows her when she leaves for Joes and takes care of her._

Unlike Me by Kate Havnevik- _Chapter 44: Meredith and Derek dancing in their living room until he blacks out._

When Somebody Loves You by Alan Jackson- _Chapter 47: Derek going to surgery and Meredith's thoughts while waiting for his return._

Fix You by Coldplay- _Chapter 65: Meredith's break down, Amiee's return home, and George's realization that Meredith isn't going to forgive him._

One More Day by Diamond Rio_- Chapter 75: Derek's funeral_


End file.
